to avoid being flown to Paris in a private jet now and then, so I’ll definitely be seeing him again. When the bus drove away Josette chased after it waving for a couple of hundred metres. She is very silly (and surprisingly fast in those heavy boots) but I’m going to miss her a lot.
It seemed to take forever to get home. Even though I was sad to leave Josette and I had had a really good time I was sort of looking forward to seeing my idiot family again. Except Granny, maybe.
When we finally pulled into the school car park Mum, Dad and even Sam were there to meet me. I was so pleased I put Sam in a headlock.
‘Ow! What are you doing that for?’ he whined, as if he hadn’t been pining for me all week.
‘Because I’m happy to see you!’
‘It hurts!’
‘I can’t help it if you can’t tell the difference between my angry violence and my affectionate violence. Give it few more years and you’ll get the hang of it.’ And I twisted his ear in a loving fashion.
‘Great,’ he replied. ‘Can I have my head back now? I’d like to bang it against a wall.’ I released him and gave Dad a punch of joy.
Then Mum gave me a straight up cuddle. ‘It’s so nice to see you,’ she said. ‘Did you have a lovely time?’
I started telling them all about it. I still had plenty more to say by the time we pulled up at home, but as we were getting out of the car I remembered what was waiting for me. ‘Is Granny here?’ I asked.
‘She’s been here all week.’ Sam scowled. ‘And we’ve got two more to go.’
Mum tutted. ‘Come on, Sam, it hasn’t been that bad.’
Sam mouthed, ‘It has.’ And then he pulled a death-by-Granny face.
Inside, I found Granny in the kitchen. She greeted me with a cake, which is definitely my favourite way to be greeted. I looked down at the icing. In swirly letters it said WELCOME HOME FAI
‘There’s a bit missing!’ I said.
Granny snatched the cake away. ‘There’s gratitude. I see you haven’t picked up any of that French elegance.’
I gave her my best scowl. ‘Did you eat a slice?’
‘They said you’d be back by six, it’s half past now! I come over a bit funny if my blood sugar level drops.’
‘So you ate some of my welcome home cake?’
‘Yes and it’s very good even if I do say so myself. Would you like a slice?’
I gave in and nodded. I wasn’t going to quibble about a few missing letters when there was cake at stake.
It was quite tasty. If Granny could do a bit more baking and a little less meddling she’d be a passable house guest.
While I did the washing up after dinner and Granny pointed out what I was doing wrong, I asked her how her home improvements were coming along.
‘It’s lovely. I’m having magenta walls with pumpkin trim. My friend Keith is project managing – you remember Keith?’
It’s hard to keep up with Granny’s boyfriends. ‘Is he the one who made a fortune in plastic cutlery?’
‘No, he’s the one with his own building company, so he’s put his best men on it.’
‘Does that mean it will be finished early?’
‘Oh no, if anything it might take a bit longer. Keith’s very thorough.’
I sighed. ‘I don’t know why you’re bothering to redecorate at your age anyway. We’ll only do it again when you’re dead.’
Granny narrowed her eyes. ‘That’s the sort of attitude that has made me decide to leave my house to the cat.’
I flicked soap suds at her. ‘You haven’t got a cat.’
‘If necessary, I will drag one off the streets. Even if it’s the last thing I do.’
I dried my hands and helped myself to another slice of cake. ‘I think you’ll find that even cats object to a pink and orange kitchen.’
LATER
Since Granny has taken over my comfy bed, I have attempted to turn the lumpy old sofa into a cosy nest by covering it with all the cushions in the house. While I was settling down I remembered how furious Josette’s mum was with Josette, until Josette’s dad found out Icky had set us
It seemed to take forever to get home. Even though I was sad to leave Josette and I had had a really good time I was sort of looking forward to seeing my idiot family again. Except Granny, maybe.
When we finally pulled into the school car park Mum, Dad and even Sam were there to meet me. I was so pleased I put Sam in a headlock.
‘Ow! What are you doing that for?’ he whined, as if he hadn’t been pining for me all week.
‘Because I’m happy to see you!’
‘It hurts!’
‘I can’t help it if you can’t tell the difference between my angry violence and my affectionate violence. Give it few more years and you’ll get the hang of it.’ And I twisted his ear in a loving fashion.
‘Great,’ he replied. ‘Can I have my head back now? I’d like to bang it against a wall.’ I released him and gave Dad a punch of joy.
Then Mum gave me a straight up cuddle. ‘It’s so nice to see you,’ she said. ‘Did you have a lovely time?’
I started telling them all about it. I still had plenty more to say by the time we pulled up at home, but as we were getting out of the car I remembered what was waiting for me. ‘Is Granny here?’ I asked.
‘She’s been here all week.’ Sam scowled. ‘And we’ve got two more to go.’
Mum tutted. ‘Come on, Sam, it hasn’t been that bad.’
Sam mouthed, ‘It has.’ And then he pulled a death-by-Granny face.
Inside, I found Granny in the kitchen. She greeted me with a cake, which is definitely my favourite way to be greeted. I looked down at the icing. In swirly letters it said WELCOME HOME FAI
‘There’s a bit missing!’ I said.
Granny snatched the cake away. ‘There’s gratitude. I see you haven’t picked up any of that French elegance.’
I gave her my best scowl. ‘Did you eat a slice?’
‘They said you’d be back by six, it’s half past now! I come over a bit funny if my blood sugar level drops.’
‘So you ate some of my welcome home cake?’
‘Yes and it’s very good even if I do say so myself. Would you like a slice?’
I gave in and nodded. I wasn’t going to quibble about a few missing letters when there was cake at stake.
It was quite tasty. If Granny could do a bit more baking and a little less meddling she’d be a passable house guest.
While I did the washing up after dinner and Granny pointed out what I was doing wrong, I asked her how her home improvements were coming along.
‘It’s lovely. I’m having magenta walls with pumpkin trim. My friend Keith is project managing – you remember Keith?’
It’s hard to keep up with Granny’s boyfriends. ‘Is he the one who made a fortune in plastic cutlery?’
‘No, he’s the one with his own building company, so he’s put his best men on it.’
‘Does that mean it will be finished early?’
‘Oh no, if anything it might take a bit longer. Keith’s very thorough.’
I sighed. ‘I don’t know why you’re bothering to redecorate at your age anyway. We’ll only do it again when you’re dead.’
Granny narrowed her eyes. ‘That’s the sort of attitude that has made me decide to leave my house to the cat.’
I flicked soap suds at her. ‘You haven’t got a cat.’
‘If necessary, I will drag one off the streets. Even if it’s the last thing I do.’
I dried my hands and helped myself to another slice of cake. ‘I think you’ll find that even cats object to a pink and orange kitchen.’
LATER
Since Granny has taken over my comfy bed, I have attempted to turn the lumpy old sofa into a cosy nest by covering it with all the cushions in the house. While I was settling down I remembered how furious Josette’s mum was with Josette, until Josette’s dad found out Icky had set us
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