don’t I? You and the boys had your rumspringa, and I’m having mine. Don’t tell me you didn’t do things you wouldn’t want Mammi and Daadi to know about.”
“I suppose I did.” But those things had been pretty tame, it seemed, by Anna’s standards.
She suddenly felt the more than ten years’ difference in their ages. Those years separated them as if they stood on opposite banks of a river.
She had been nearly twelve when Anna—the much longed-for baby sister after the boys—was born. Leah had been her second mother, so happy to take care of her and play with her. She’d thought they would always be as close as they had been then.
“Anna, please.” She tried to put all those years of love into the words. “You must know I don’t want to be the interfering older sister, out to ruin your fun.”
“Then leave me alone. Trust me.” Anna grasped the footboard of the bed, leaning forward with urgency in her voice, every line of her body proclaiming how passionate she was about this.
When Anna wanted, she wanted with her whole heart. Her emotions were always on the surface, ready to burst out in an instant. Maybe that was what frightened Leah so about her sister’s choices.
She put her hand over Anna’s. “I just want you to be safe.”
“I’m careful.”
“Is it careful to be meeting that . . . Jarrod in the barn? How many times has he met you there?”
Anna jerked her hand free. “All right, so I met him there a few times. Don’t tell me you never smooched with Johnny in the stable when you were young, because I wouldn’t believe it.”
That hurt, but she wouldn’t let it show in her face. “That was different.”
“Different why?” Anna demanded. “Because Johnny was Amish? Because you were going to marry him? But Johnny’s not Amish anymore, and you didn’t get married.”
The pain sharpened, all the worse because the hurtful words came from her precious little sister. She wrapped her fingers around the bedpost, trying to focus on the present.
“Are you in love with Jarrod?”
Please, she murmured silently. Please.
Anna shrugged. “I don’t know. I might be.”
“Anna, stop and think what you’re saying. You can’t fall in love with him. He’s—”
“Englischer. Auslander.” She threw up her hands in an extravagant gesture. “Listen to yourself, Leah. You talk as if a person can control who they fall in love with. Love isn’t like that.”
Leah’s fingers tightened; her stomach twisted. She had to find the words that would turn her sister from her headstrong course.
“What is love like, then?”
Anna looked startled at the question. “Love is—well, it’s overwhelming. It takes you over and makes you willing to do anything, anything for the person you love.”
“What about the other people you love? The people who love you and want what’s best for you? What about your duty to them?”
“You don’t understand.” Anna swung away from her. “Honestly, Leah, sometimes I think you don’t have any feelings at all. You can’t talk about duty when you’re in love. If you were really in love, that wouldn’t matter at all.”
No feelings . That was what Johnny had said to her, too, long ago, when she’d sent him away. But if she had no feelings, what was this pain in her chest, so sharp it took an effort to breathe?
But she would breathe. And she would control her emotions, because that was what she did. It was for the best.
“Anna, I just want you to be careful. And I want Mamm not to have to worry about you. Is that so much to ask?”
Anna’s lips tightened. She grabbed the bag and headed for the door.
But when she reached it, she stopped, hand on the latch. She didn’t look back at Leah.
“I’ll be careful, all right?” Her voice was impatient. “I promise I’ll be careful.”
She opened the door and was gone.
“Come in, come in.” John Kile stood in the center hallway of the medical clinic a few days later, holding the door open
“I suppose I did.” But those things had been pretty tame, it seemed, by Anna’s standards.
She suddenly felt the more than ten years’ difference in their ages. Those years separated them as if they stood on opposite banks of a river.
She had been nearly twelve when Anna—the much longed-for baby sister after the boys—was born. Leah had been her second mother, so happy to take care of her and play with her. She’d thought they would always be as close as they had been then.
“Anna, please.” She tried to put all those years of love into the words. “You must know I don’t want to be the interfering older sister, out to ruin your fun.”
“Then leave me alone. Trust me.” Anna grasped the footboard of the bed, leaning forward with urgency in her voice, every line of her body proclaiming how passionate she was about this.
When Anna wanted, she wanted with her whole heart. Her emotions were always on the surface, ready to burst out in an instant. Maybe that was what frightened Leah so about her sister’s choices.
She put her hand over Anna’s. “I just want you to be safe.”
“I’m careful.”
“Is it careful to be meeting that . . . Jarrod in the barn? How many times has he met you there?”
Anna jerked her hand free. “All right, so I met him there a few times. Don’t tell me you never smooched with Johnny in the stable when you were young, because I wouldn’t believe it.”
That hurt, but she wouldn’t let it show in her face. “That was different.”
“Different why?” Anna demanded. “Because Johnny was Amish? Because you were going to marry him? But Johnny’s not Amish anymore, and you didn’t get married.”
The pain sharpened, all the worse because the hurtful words came from her precious little sister. She wrapped her fingers around the bedpost, trying to focus on the present.
“Are you in love with Jarrod?”
Please, she murmured silently. Please.
Anna shrugged. “I don’t know. I might be.”
“Anna, stop and think what you’re saying. You can’t fall in love with him. He’s—”
“Englischer. Auslander.” She threw up her hands in an extravagant gesture. “Listen to yourself, Leah. You talk as if a person can control who they fall in love with. Love isn’t like that.”
Leah’s fingers tightened; her stomach twisted. She had to find the words that would turn her sister from her headstrong course.
“What is love like, then?”
Anna looked startled at the question. “Love is—well, it’s overwhelming. It takes you over and makes you willing to do anything, anything for the person you love.”
“What about the other people you love? The people who love you and want what’s best for you? What about your duty to them?”
“You don’t understand.” Anna swung away from her. “Honestly, Leah, sometimes I think you don’t have any feelings at all. You can’t talk about duty when you’re in love. If you were really in love, that wouldn’t matter at all.”
No feelings . That was what Johnny had said to her, too, long ago, when she’d sent him away. But if she had no feelings, what was this pain in her chest, so sharp it took an effort to breathe?
But she would breathe. And she would control her emotions, because that was what she did. It was for the best.
“Anna, I just want you to be careful. And I want Mamm not to have to worry about you. Is that so much to ask?”
Anna’s lips tightened. She grabbed the bag and headed for the door.
But when she reached it, she stopped, hand on the latch. She didn’t look back at Leah.
“I’ll be careful, all right?” Her voice was impatient. “I promise I’ll be careful.”
She opened the door and was gone.
“Come in, come in.” John Kile stood in the center hallway of the medical clinic a few days later, holding the door open
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