disappoint them, so see you soon.
Your friend, Rosie
December 23, 2011
Dear Diary,
It’s strange. Christmas is only two days away, but I just don’t feel excited about it the way I used to. I wish I did feel excited. But I can’t seem to fake it for myself, though I think I’m doing a pretty good job with Mom. She wanted us to bake cookies yesterday and I knew that if I told her the truth, that I didn’t really want to bake Christmas cookies, she would be all upset, so I went along and pretended that I was having a good time. When we were done I didn’t want to eat any, but I took a bite of one of the peanut butter cookies and when Mom left the kitchen to answer the door for the UPS guy, I threw the rest of it in the garbage. I felt bad about wasting food, but I just couldn’t eat the rest of it.
I know she’ll want to go to that Christmas concert at the Episcopal church, too, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings, so I’ll go with her. I don’t know why she likes it so much anyway because she says she’s an agnostic. I really like the carols, and even a lot of the hymns, especially “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel” (it sounds so haunting and it always makes me cry for some reason), even though I’m not really sure what most of them mean because I’ve never learned much about the Bible and theology and all. But this year ... I don’t know. I just don’t care about going to the concert.
Meg’s been going on about wanting a suede jacket for Christmas. She really thinks her mom’s going to get one for her, but I saw in a catalogue my mom gets how expensive suede jackets are and I really doubt Mrs. Giroux can afford it. Still, I really hope Meg gets what she wants. She deserves good things. She asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told her it was okay if she got me nothing because I really didn’t want anything. That was a bit of a lie. There are a few small things I would like to get. The real reason I told Meg she didn’t have to get me a gift is that I know money is really tight for the Giroux family. They shouldn’t be spending their money on me. Besides, Meg bought me that really pretty rose quartz pendant for my birthday only two months ago.
I thought I saw Mackenzie giving me an odd look today at lunchtime, sort of a sneer. I was probably imagining it. Since that time when I fell I think I’ve been imagining stuff, small things, that probably aren’t even real. Like after lunch today, when I was at my locker getting my books for the next class, I thought I felt someone watching me and when I turned around, Jill was right across the hall, staring at me. She didn’t smile or say or do anything, just stared at me for another few seconds and then walked away. But it’s not a crime to stare at someone, just rude. And like I said, maybe I was just imagining that she was staring at me. Why would I think that I’m so interesting? Mom’s always taught me not to have a big head or to be full of myself.
I’ve always been a bit confused about that. I mean, Mom always likes it when someone tells me how pretty I am. But isn’t that the sort of thing, getting compliments all the time, that leads you to being full of yourself or having a big head? Lately I’m realizing that there are so many things I just don’t understand. Maybe life was always this complicated and I was just too young to understand. Or maybe life is always getting more complicated. If that’s true, then how do you ever catch up with it?
I should go now. I still have to wrap Mom and Dad’s presents. Usually, I have every present wrapped weeks ahead, but for some reason, this year every time I thought, “I should wrap those presents,” I just couldn’t do it. Seriously, sometimes it’s like my brain just can’t make my hands DO anything. It’s never happened to me before. I wonder what it means. But now I only have two days until Christmas, so I really, really have to try to force myself to get those presents wrapped.
Your friend, Rosie
December 23, 2011
Dear Diary,
It’s strange. Christmas is only two days away, but I just don’t feel excited about it the way I used to. I wish I did feel excited. But I can’t seem to fake it for myself, though I think I’m doing a pretty good job with Mom. She wanted us to bake cookies yesterday and I knew that if I told her the truth, that I didn’t really want to bake Christmas cookies, she would be all upset, so I went along and pretended that I was having a good time. When we were done I didn’t want to eat any, but I took a bite of one of the peanut butter cookies and when Mom left the kitchen to answer the door for the UPS guy, I threw the rest of it in the garbage. I felt bad about wasting food, but I just couldn’t eat the rest of it.
I know she’ll want to go to that Christmas concert at the Episcopal church, too, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings, so I’ll go with her. I don’t know why she likes it so much anyway because she says she’s an agnostic. I really like the carols, and even a lot of the hymns, especially “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel” (it sounds so haunting and it always makes me cry for some reason), even though I’m not really sure what most of them mean because I’ve never learned much about the Bible and theology and all. But this year ... I don’t know. I just don’t care about going to the concert.
Meg’s been going on about wanting a suede jacket for Christmas. She really thinks her mom’s going to get one for her, but I saw in a catalogue my mom gets how expensive suede jackets are and I really doubt Mrs. Giroux can afford it. Still, I really hope Meg gets what she wants. She deserves good things. She asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told her it was okay if she got me nothing because I really didn’t want anything. That was a bit of a lie. There are a few small things I would like to get. The real reason I told Meg she didn’t have to get me a gift is that I know money is really tight for the Giroux family. They shouldn’t be spending their money on me. Besides, Meg bought me that really pretty rose quartz pendant for my birthday only two months ago.
I thought I saw Mackenzie giving me an odd look today at lunchtime, sort of a sneer. I was probably imagining it. Since that time when I fell I think I’ve been imagining stuff, small things, that probably aren’t even real. Like after lunch today, when I was at my locker getting my books for the next class, I thought I felt someone watching me and when I turned around, Jill was right across the hall, staring at me. She didn’t smile or say or do anything, just stared at me for another few seconds and then walked away. But it’s not a crime to stare at someone, just rude. And like I said, maybe I was just imagining that she was staring at me. Why would I think that I’m so interesting? Mom’s always taught me not to have a big head or to be full of myself.
I’ve always been a bit confused about that. I mean, Mom always likes it when someone tells me how pretty I am. But isn’t that the sort of thing, getting compliments all the time, that leads you to being full of yourself or having a big head? Lately I’m realizing that there are so many things I just don’t understand. Maybe life was always this complicated and I was just too young to understand. Or maybe life is always getting more complicated. If that’s true, then how do you ever catch up with it?
I should go now. I still have to wrap Mom and Dad’s presents. Usually, I have every present wrapped weeks ahead, but for some reason, this year every time I thought, “I should wrap those presents,” I just couldn’t do it. Seriously, sometimes it’s like my brain just can’t make my hands DO anything. It’s never happened to me before. I wonder what it means. But now I only have two days until Christmas, so I really, really have to try to force myself to get those presents wrapped.
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