More than you could ever know.”
I
stepped back to kicked off the slippers and put on my heels. “What purpose
does this serve? Do you want to be just like your father? Do you want him to
win?”
I
paused in the doorway. “You’re right. You aren’t good enough for me. Right now,
you’re nowhere near. You better do something about that or you’re going to be
alone for the rest of your life.”
I
slammed the door behind me and made my way to my car. I drove to the nearest
parking lot and pulled off. Throwing the car into park, I slumped over the
steering wheel and sobbed. I slammed my fist into the dash repeatedly. “ Damn
it. Damn it. Damn it!”
How
could I be so blind? I had been with him for a year. I worked with him every
day. I ate with him. I slept with him. And I had no idea that he was barely
clinging to normalcy. I was so wrapped up in my own problems. I was worried about
money and living expenses and being better than my parents. Meanwhile, he was
fighting something so much darker. Was I really that shallow? How could I
miss something so huge? Everything inside me wanted to turn around and go back
there. I wanted to hold him and tell him it was all okay, that I understood,
and that deep down I still loved him. But that wasn’t what he needed. And it
wasn’t what I needed.
I
put the car in drive and headed to the grocery store.
*****
When
I got home, I was in a terrible mood. It got worse when I opened my door to
find the owner of the Good Neighbor tavern in my apartment. I kicked off my
shoes and dropped the grocery bags on the counter with a thump. A package of
fresh salmon fell out and went skidding across the countertop and onto the
floor. I bent to retrieve it. When I straightened, Leith was standing just a
shade too close. I took a step back and simpered at him.
“You
should have told me you were having guests,” I shoved the salmon in the fridge
and rummaged around in the grocery bag for the rest of the refrigerated items.
“I wouldn’t have come home until she was gone.”
Leith
handed me a carton of milk from my bag. “I’m sorry to bring people into your
home without your permission, but it was very important that I speak with Mair.”
I
glanced at the voluptuous woman reclining on my couch. She was pretending not
to listen, her face turned away so that she was in perfect profile. I would be
willing to bet she had heard every word.
“Next
time, hang a tie on the door handle or something,” I muttered under my breath.
I
shut the fridge harder than I meant to and turned to find Leith regarding me
with a mixture of puzzlement and amusement. I shrugged out of my jacket,
grabbed my cell phone, and headed toward the balcony. “By all means, carry on.
I’m just going to get some fresh air.” I walked by Mair without looking at
her.
“Good
evening,” she said as I passed. Her smooth, husky voice sounded amused.
I
opened the slider and stepped out into the fading afternoon. Reaching behind
me without turning around, I grasped the door handle and slid the door shut
with a bang. I could not believe the nerve of that guy. He had no right to invite
strangers into my house. Especially not voluptuous, golden-haired strangers
that could be centerfolds.
I
flopped onto a patio chair and stared at the woods. The sun was already
beginning to sink behind the trees and the sky was lit up with an orange glow. A
pair of little chickadees flitted about in the bird feeder that I kept on a
Sheppard’s crook in the corner. I smiled at their antics as I tried to let go
of the tension I was holding in my chest.
I
wondered what Noah was doing right now. I prayed to God that he wasn’t out
getting more booze. I considered calling him, just to make sure, but I stifled
the urge. He was a big boy and it wasn’t my job to take care of him. Not
anymore.
I
glanced over my shoulder toward the
I
stepped back to kicked off the slippers and put on my heels. “What purpose
does this serve? Do you want to be just like your father? Do you want him to
win?”
I
paused in the doorway. “You’re right. You aren’t good enough for me. Right now,
you’re nowhere near. You better do something about that or you’re going to be
alone for the rest of your life.”
I
slammed the door behind me and made my way to my car. I drove to the nearest
parking lot and pulled off. Throwing the car into park, I slumped over the
steering wheel and sobbed. I slammed my fist into the dash repeatedly. “ Damn
it. Damn it. Damn it!”
How
could I be so blind? I had been with him for a year. I worked with him every
day. I ate with him. I slept with him. And I had no idea that he was barely
clinging to normalcy. I was so wrapped up in my own problems. I was worried about
money and living expenses and being better than my parents. Meanwhile, he was
fighting something so much darker. Was I really that shallow? How could I
miss something so huge? Everything inside me wanted to turn around and go back
there. I wanted to hold him and tell him it was all okay, that I understood,
and that deep down I still loved him. But that wasn’t what he needed. And it
wasn’t what I needed.
I
put the car in drive and headed to the grocery store.
*****
When
I got home, I was in a terrible mood. It got worse when I opened my door to
find the owner of the Good Neighbor tavern in my apartment. I kicked off my
shoes and dropped the grocery bags on the counter with a thump. A package of
fresh salmon fell out and went skidding across the countertop and onto the
floor. I bent to retrieve it. When I straightened, Leith was standing just a
shade too close. I took a step back and simpered at him.
“You
should have told me you were having guests,” I shoved the salmon in the fridge
and rummaged around in the grocery bag for the rest of the refrigerated items.
“I wouldn’t have come home until she was gone.”
Leith
handed me a carton of milk from my bag. “I’m sorry to bring people into your
home without your permission, but it was very important that I speak with Mair.”
I
glanced at the voluptuous woman reclining on my couch. She was pretending not
to listen, her face turned away so that she was in perfect profile. I would be
willing to bet she had heard every word.
“Next
time, hang a tie on the door handle or something,” I muttered under my breath.
I
shut the fridge harder than I meant to and turned to find Leith regarding me
with a mixture of puzzlement and amusement. I shrugged out of my jacket,
grabbed my cell phone, and headed toward the balcony. “By all means, carry on.
I’m just going to get some fresh air.” I walked by Mair without looking at
her.
“Good
evening,” she said as I passed. Her smooth, husky voice sounded amused.
I
opened the slider and stepped out into the fading afternoon. Reaching behind
me without turning around, I grasped the door handle and slid the door shut
with a bang. I could not believe the nerve of that guy. He had no right to invite
strangers into my house. Especially not voluptuous, golden-haired strangers
that could be centerfolds.
I
flopped onto a patio chair and stared at the woods. The sun was already
beginning to sink behind the trees and the sky was lit up with an orange glow. A
pair of little chickadees flitted about in the bird feeder that I kept on a
Sheppard’s crook in the corner. I smiled at their antics as I tried to let go
of the tension I was holding in my chest.
I
wondered what Noah was doing right now. I prayed to God that he wasn’t out
getting more booze. I considered calling him, just to make sure, but I stifled
the urge. He was a big boy and it wasn’t my job to take care of him. Not
anymore.
I
glanced over my shoulder toward the
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