wine.
“I don’t have anything to wear.”
He smiles. “Of course you haven’t. Well don’t worry you can
have an old t-shirt of mine.” He disappears into his bedroom and comes back
with an old Linkin Park t-shirt. I pull it on over my towel, pulling the towel
off when I’m decent and he laughs.
“You’re so tiny, that reaches your knees. At least it’s
covered up all your indecent bits.”
I snort. “Like you’re bothered.”
He wrinkles his nose. “There is that. I’m not much for the
appearance of a vagina.”
I’m curious and after getting to know him over the last
month I feel close enough to ask him anything. “Have you ever been with any
women?”
He wanders over to the sofa handing me a large glass of red
wine. “A couple of times when I was a teenager. It was part of how I knew that
I was gay.”
“How did your family react? Was it hard telling them?”
He sighs. “It was hard because they’re devout Catholics and
coincidentally, no it didn’t go well.”
“Oh no, I’m sorry babe.”
He ruffles my hair. “It was a long time ago now. They’re
okay now but we’ll never be close again. That’s why my friends are so
important. Home was so hellish that my friends became my family.”
“I’ve noticed how close you all are.”
“Yeah, Bram was actually the first person that I told.”
“What was his reaction?”
He smiles looking back over the distance of time. “He was
fucking awesome. Asked me loads of very inappropriate questions and then asked
if I wanted to go and play football.”
I laugh as he rolls his eyes. “Sounds like him.”
“Yeah but it was just what I needed and the canny bastard
knew it. He’s always been in my corner and he levelled hell at anyone that took
the piss out of me. He’s one of the main reasons that life at school carried on
as normal once I came out. They knew they’d have to deal with him and Charlie
and Sid if they said anything.” He laughs. “And Mabe and Viv, and fuck, Viv’s
scarier than all of them.”
“Have you known them all since you were kids?”
“Yeah. I met Sid, Charlie and the girls when we were at
primary school but I’ve always been closest to Bram and Sid. Bram I met when he
was sent to live with his aunt and uncle from Ireland when he was thirteen.”
I’m startled. “That’s young.”
“Yeah Mrs O’Connell sent him over for some discipline. He
was running wild with a very bad crowd and as his dad died when he was five she
felt that she couldn’t help him and that he needed a man’s influence.”
“Did it work?”
He laughs but it’s slightly sad. “I suppose you could say it
did in a way. Bram straightened out to a large degree because his uncle was a
fucking hard man and you didn’t mess with him. But I think it was discovering
music and us all as friends that straightened him out more. It’s just that
there’s always been something about Bram that tugs your heartstrings a bit. He
was always so eager to please like he was convinced that he had to make everyone
like him or he’d be sent on to the next home. I know his mum did it for the
best and she loves the heart of him, but I think that what she did made it
difficult for him to trust in anyone’s love.” He smiles at me. “I’m not playing
a violin for him because he’s a fucking mega rich rock star who has every whim
catered for, but he’s always been a bit of a Lost Boy.”
I stare at him for a second because he’s spot on. That
slightly diffident air that Bram has coupled with his easy going smile and
instant ready humour and the way that he always plays peacemaker. It makes
perfect sense now and a lot of things that I’ve incoherently sensed about him
were right. He is a Lost Boy because since he was a child he’s had to please
people in order to stay. I clear my throat which is slightly tight. “So things
at your home were bad then?”
He shrugs taking a long drink of his wine, and then lies
down pulling my feet onto his lap
“I don’t have anything to wear.”
He smiles. “Of course you haven’t. Well don’t worry you can
have an old t-shirt of mine.” He disappears into his bedroom and comes back
with an old Linkin Park t-shirt. I pull it on over my towel, pulling the towel
off when I’m decent and he laughs.
“You’re so tiny, that reaches your knees. At least it’s
covered up all your indecent bits.”
I snort. “Like you’re bothered.”
He wrinkles his nose. “There is that. I’m not much for the
appearance of a vagina.”
I’m curious and after getting to know him over the last
month I feel close enough to ask him anything. “Have you ever been with any
women?”
He wanders over to the sofa handing me a large glass of red
wine. “A couple of times when I was a teenager. It was part of how I knew that
I was gay.”
“How did your family react? Was it hard telling them?”
He sighs. “It was hard because they’re devout Catholics and
coincidentally, no it didn’t go well.”
“Oh no, I’m sorry babe.”
He ruffles my hair. “It was a long time ago now. They’re
okay now but we’ll never be close again. That’s why my friends are so
important. Home was so hellish that my friends became my family.”
“I’ve noticed how close you all are.”
“Yeah, Bram was actually the first person that I told.”
“What was his reaction?”
He smiles looking back over the distance of time. “He was
fucking awesome. Asked me loads of very inappropriate questions and then asked
if I wanted to go and play football.”
I laugh as he rolls his eyes. “Sounds like him.”
“Yeah but it was just what I needed and the canny bastard
knew it. He’s always been in my corner and he levelled hell at anyone that took
the piss out of me. He’s one of the main reasons that life at school carried on
as normal once I came out. They knew they’d have to deal with him and Charlie
and Sid if they said anything.” He laughs. “And Mabe and Viv, and fuck, Viv’s
scarier than all of them.”
“Have you known them all since you were kids?”
“Yeah. I met Sid, Charlie and the girls when we were at
primary school but I’ve always been closest to Bram and Sid. Bram I met when he
was sent to live with his aunt and uncle from Ireland when he was thirteen.”
I’m startled. “That’s young.”
“Yeah Mrs O’Connell sent him over for some discipline. He
was running wild with a very bad crowd and as his dad died when he was five she
felt that she couldn’t help him and that he needed a man’s influence.”
“Did it work?”
He laughs but it’s slightly sad. “I suppose you could say it
did in a way. Bram straightened out to a large degree because his uncle was a
fucking hard man and you didn’t mess with him. But I think it was discovering
music and us all as friends that straightened him out more. It’s just that
there’s always been something about Bram that tugs your heartstrings a bit. He
was always so eager to please like he was convinced that he had to make everyone
like him or he’d be sent on to the next home. I know his mum did it for the
best and she loves the heart of him, but I think that what she did made it
difficult for him to trust in anyone’s love.” He smiles at me. “I’m not playing
a violin for him because he’s a fucking mega rich rock star who has every whim
catered for, but he’s always been a bit of a Lost Boy.”
I stare at him for a second because he’s spot on. That
slightly diffident air that Bram has coupled with his easy going smile and
instant ready humour and the way that he always plays peacemaker. It makes
perfect sense now and a lot of things that I’ve incoherently sensed about him
were right. He is a Lost Boy because since he was a child he’s had to please
people in order to stay. I clear my throat which is slightly tight. “So things
at your home were bad then?”
He shrugs taking a long drink of his wine, and then lies
down pulling my feet onto his lap
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