Just Remember to Breathe by Charles Sheehan-Miles Page B

that I’m not serious. I’m just not fucking crazy like this guy obviously is.” He looked across the car at me. “No personal offense meant, Dylan.”
    I grimaced. Oh, Christ, that hurt like a motherfucker.  
    “None taken,” I croaked.
    “Look, Kelly,” he said. “I need you to hear me on this.”
    Kelly was sitting as far from Joel as she could get, which meant that she was jammed hip to hip against Alex. Her back was straight and she was staring straight forward, her arms crossed over her chest.
    “I think I just got scared, okay? What are we, nineteen? It’s a big fucking commitment! Neither of us dated anyone else since we started college, and… I was afraid.”
    “That’s not true,” Kelly said. “You’ve been busy playing the field since school started this year. If I do ever let you near me again, you’re getting tested for STDs first.”
    “Oh, for God’s sake.”
    “Seriously, what the hell does playing the field mean anyway? Am I like some sports metaphor for you? You made it to home base, so now it’s time to go to the Superbowl or whatever?”
    He shook his head. “Superbowl is football, hun. Home base is baseball.”
    “Oh. My. God! ”
    “Aww, shit. Look, I screwed up, Kels. I love you! I don’t want anyone but you!”
    “Well, now you’re back in Little League, buster, and they don’t have bases. Or field goals. Or… whatever. You’re so going to have to convince me.”
    “I got you those weird flowers you like.”
    Alex started to shake, hard, suppressing laughter. I looked back down at her, and our eyes met. She smiled, and I wanted to lean over and kiss her more than anything else in the world, except that would have moved my damned hand.  
    She stretched up, putting her lips next to my ear, and whispered, “She’s a goalie now, isn’t she?”
    I couldn’t help it. I burst into laughter.
    “ Weird flowers? You are so far from convincing me, you have no idea.”
    “What do I have to do to convince you, babe?” he said.
    “Send me more weird things that I like.”
    “Done.”
    “You’re going to have to grovel. Maybe forever.”
    “Jesus Christ, lady,” the taxi driver said. “Give the guy a break!”
    I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I guffawed, shaking with it, and Alex joined me.  
    Kelly looked over at us, and said, “Well, you two are no help at all!”
    Oh, God! I laughed even harder, tears running down my cheeks. I wiped them away with my good hand, and said, “Kelly, I’m so glad I finally met you.”
    She gave a loud “ Hmmmph, ” then said, “Only because it looks like you and hormone girl are back together.”
    I was lightheaded, and gave her a big smile. Were we? Back together? I don’t know. But whatever we were, it was better than being heartbroken.  
    Kelly and Joel bickered the entire way to the hospital. At one point I leaned down and whispered to Alex, “I thought she wanted to get back together with him.”
    She whispered back, “Don’t worry, this is normal for them.”
    Jesus Christ. If this was normal, I didn’t want to see what they were like when she was upset.
    Then again, it seemed a lot less painful than what Alex and I had been doing all these months.
    And that was when the weight of it hit me again. She might be all curled up against me now, when I was injured, but could she really forgive me? I got it, finally. Because it was nothing more than a misunderstanding. It hadn’t been some guy in her room. It was just her roommate’s boyfriend, being friendly. I’d so totally screwed this up that I was afraid there was no going back. The significance of the photo on her nightstand, the dried roses framed on her wall, didn’t escape me. We’d loved each other, and I’d hurt her. Hurt her badly. Did I even have a right to be forgiven?
    Right then and there, I promised myself we’d talk the moment we were alone. We would hash this out. We’d break every rule either one of us had, until we really understood each other,