himself in her.
Mattie slowly drifted
towards consciousness, vaguely aware of butterflies dancing over her skin.
Butterflies ... in December... Mattie yanked to complete wakefulness as a hard,
male hand moved caressingly over the swell of her breasts. Dear God, not again!
Not the nightmare again...
With a strangled little
moan, she tore herself away from those hands, blinded by fear and memories as
she dragged herself across the cold floor, searching for a place to hide. Tears
cascaded down her face silently, endlessly, but she did not sob because she had
learned her lesson well. Noise only brought the promise of more pain.
"Mattie!" Joe
cried out, feeling something rip inside of him as he watched her drag herself
across the floor away from his touch. "Oh God, Mattie..."
Mattie was trembling so
badly that she barely heard him. She felt lost in the past. She searched madly
for the walls within herself, the walls she could erect to hide behind and that
would keep her safe from those hands.
"Mattie, sweetheart,
it's Joe." The voice came from a long way away, urgent and tormented and
strained. "Do you hear me? It's Joe, just Joe. It was me touching you,
only me. Do you understand me, Mattie? It was me. I won't hurt you. I would
never hurt you..."
The soothing litany
continued until Mattie began to listen, and Joe's voice was hoarse and broken.
"Just Joe. Only
touching you. Oh, God, come back to me... sweetheart...."
"Joe?" Mattie's
voice was weak, as her eyes finally began to focus on the present again.
Joe drew a deep, shaky
breath and rocked back on his heels. "Oh Lord, you scared me there,
sweetheart. Don't do that to me again."
Mattie didn't even hear
the fear in his shaky plea.
"You were touching
me." The words were flat as Mat-tie's eyes were drawn blindly to the fire.
She concentrated on the soft hush of the flames as they lapped against the wood
and tried to block out Joe's unsteady breathing behind her.
"I would never hurt
you, Mattie," Joe repeated hollowly, rubbing his eyes. "I wasn't
trying to hurt you."
Mattie wrapped her arms
tightly around her updrawn knees and began to rock her body protectively.
Mattie nodded her head
wearily, acknowledging the truth of what he said. "I—I'm sorry
I...panicked. I don't know why."
"Don't you?"
Mattie's eyes raced to his
as she recognized the gentle dissent in his rough tone. Dear God, what did he
know?
"Joe—"
But Joe did not let her
finish whatever denial or diversion she was attempting.
"You know, Mattie,
ever since we met, I've had this nagging feeling of,..recognition. I could
never quite figure out what it was, but I know now. It's not your face, or your
smile, or the way you walk. It's your eyes,- the expression you try to hide in
them. The fear, the pain, the wariness. That's what I've seen before." Joe
exhaled carefully. "In Janie's eyes."
Mattie flinched as if he
had slapped her with the words, and her stiff face whitened in the firelight.
Joe's own eyes closed in mute agony.
It was true, he accepted
with a silent, overwhelming pain. His beautiful, proud Mattie... The hurt that
raced through him was almost paralyzing in its intensity. No rage, not yet.
Only the unbearable knowledge of what she had suffered, and he allowed that
pain to consume him totally. Now he understood the fear of physical closeness,
the wary evasions, the silent terror. The knowledge had been building within
him for a long time, but seeing her dragging herself across the floor, trying
to hide from him exactly as Janie had done...
Mattie slumped in defeat,
her forehead falling to rest on her drawn-up knees as the memories overtook her
and the silence lengthened. A fine trembling that had nothing to do with cold
shook her. She would have to tell him now. He had a right to know who and what
he had befriended. And now she would lose him, too.
Joe watched her tremble
and ached to touch her, to drive the fear away, but he knew that he could not,
knew finally how much a part of her
Mattie slowly drifted
towards consciousness, vaguely aware of butterflies dancing over her skin.
Butterflies ... in December... Mattie yanked to complete wakefulness as a hard,
male hand moved caressingly over the swell of her breasts. Dear God, not again!
Not the nightmare again...
With a strangled little
moan, she tore herself away from those hands, blinded by fear and memories as
she dragged herself across the cold floor, searching for a place to hide. Tears
cascaded down her face silently, endlessly, but she did not sob because she had
learned her lesson well. Noise only brought the promise of more pain.
"Mattie!" Joe
cried out, feeling something rip inside of him as he watched her drag herself
across the floor away from his touch. "Oh God, Mattie..."
Mattie was trembling so
badly that she barely heard him. She felt lost in the past. She searched madly
for the walls within herself, the walls she could erect to hide behind and that
would keep her safe from those hands.
"Mattie, sweetheart,
it's Joe." The voice came from a long way away, urgent and tormented and
strained. "Do you hear me? It's Joe, just Joe. It was me touching you,
only me. Do you understand me, Mattie? It was me. I won't hurt you. I would
never hurt you..."
The soothing litany
continued until Mattie began to listen, and Joe's voice was hoarse and broken.
"Just Joe. Only
touching you. Oh, God, come back to me... sweetheart...."
"Joe?" Mattie's
voice was weak, as her eyes finally began to focus on the present again.
Joe drew a deep, shaky
breath and rocked back on his heels. "Oh Lord, you scared me there,
sweetheart. Don't do that to me again."
Mattie didn't even hear
the fear in his shaky plea.
"You were touching
me." The words were flat as Mat-tie's eyes were drawn blindly to the fire.
She concentrated on the soft hush of the flames as they lapped against the wood
and tried to block out Joe's unsteady breathing behind her.
"I would never hurt
you, Mattie," Joe repeated hollowly, rubbing his eyes. "I wasn't
trying to hurt you."
Mattie wrapped her arms
tightly around her updrawn knees and began to rock her body protectively.
Mattie nodded her head
wearily, acknowledging the truth of what he said. "I—I'm sorry
I...panicked. I don't know why."
"Don't you?"
Mattie's eyes raced to his
as she recognized the gentle dissent in his rough tone. Dear God, what did he
know?
"Joe—"
But Joe did not let her
finish whatever denial or diversion she was attempting.
"You know, Mattie,
ever since we met, I've had this nagging feeling of,..recognition. I could
never quite figure out what it was, but I know now. It's not your face, or your
smile, or the way you walk. It's your eyes,- the expression you try to hide in
them. The fear, the pain, the wariness. That's what I've seen before." Joe
exhaled carefully. "In Janie's eyes."
Mattie flinched as if he
had slapped her with the words, and her stiff face whitened in the firelight.
Joe's own eyes closed in mute agony.
It was true, he accepted
with a silent, overwhelming pain. His beautiful, proud Mattie... The hurt that
raced through him was almost paralyzing in its intensity. No rage, not yet.
Only the unbearable knowledge of what she had suffered, and he allowed that
pain to consume him totally. Now he understood the fear of physical closeness,
the wary evasions, the silent terror. The knowledge had been building within
him for a long time, but seeing her dragging herself across the floor, trying
to hide from him exactly as Janie had done...
Mattie slumped in defeat,
her forehead falling to rest on her drawn-up knees as the memories overtook her
and the silence lengthened. A fine trembling that had nothing to do with cold
shook her. She would have to tell him now. He had a right to know who and what
he had befriended. And now she would lose him, too.
Joe watched her tremble
and ached to touch her, to drive the fear away, but he knew that he could not,
knew finally how much a part of her
Similar Books
