Just a Geek by Wil Wheaton

one, but I'll get one soon, I can feel it."
    The only thing I could feel was overwhelming, nearly suicidal depression, pretty much the opposite of what I portrayed. The rejection could not have come at a worse time. Anne's ex-husband continued to find new and exciting ways to disrupt our marriage and our relationship with her children. For the second time in two years, he took us to court, in an attempt to get full custody of Ryan and Nolan. He was costing us thousands of dollars in attorney fees, and every parenting choice I made was heavily scrutinized. I was portrayed to the kids and the court as "The Evil Stepfather," and I felt like my life was under siege.
    The second-place finish (out of hundreds of actors) was nothing to be ashamed of, but finishing second paid the bills as much as finishing last. I was utterly, completely, and totally destroyed by that phone call. I knew that I had given the performance of my life in that final callback—the executive producer of the show told me that on my way out of the studio, but as I said in my weblog, being the best is never enough. The job that I'd fought so hard for, the job that I'd earned , had been given to Jimmy Kimmel's cousin, Sal. The pain and frustration I felt when I faced the reality of continued financial and professional struggles was compounded by a feeling of injustice. It was so unfair! Nepotism was something we joked about in audition waiting rooms. It wasn't something that actually happened . As usual, it didn't matter that I was smart, or funny, or talented, or capable. This time, I wasn't "related to the outgoing actor" enough for the job.
    I told my wife, "I suppose it's not as bad as `You're not edgy enough,' but not by much."

Chapter 5. Last Place You Look
    I SPENT NEARLY THREE WEEKS wallowing in misery and self-pity. The Voice of Self Doubt and I spent long hours together replaying the auditions for Win Ben Stein's Money , but even with 20/20 hindsight, I couldn't find a single thing that I would have done differently.
    "You know what the worst thing about being an actor is?" I rhetorically asked my wife. "The not working. You know what the second worst thing is? Knowing that my entire career—hell, my entire life—can turn around with just one phone call."
    I'm not making this up, but at that moment, the phone rang.
    Okay, maybe I am making it up, but it certainly makes for good drama, doesn't it?
    It was my manager.
    "I just got a call from TNN," he said. "They want to check your availability to play on an all- Star Trek edition of Weakest Link ."
    Weakest Link was a trivia game show hosted by a woman named Anne Robinson, who had a reputation for being very nasty to the contestants.
    "Really?! When?" I said.
    "Tomorrow afternoon," he said. "They're paying 10 grand to you, and giving 10 grand to the charity of your choice."
    "Are you sure you want to do this? You'll just be resting on your Star Trek laurels," The Voice of Self Doubt said.
    "Are you kidding me? They're going to pay me 10 thousand dollars. That's more than I've made all year, and we really need the money." I said.
    "Not only that, but you can show millions of people—in prime time—that you're smart, funny, and not a kid anymore," Prove To Everyone added. "If there are producers and casting people watching, it could make a big difference . . ."
    I accepted the offer immediately, and tried to not let it bother me when I found out that I had only gotten the offer after they'd gone through their "A" list.
    For my charity, I chose the Electronic Frontier Foundation, an organization that lobbies for and raises awareness of privacy and free speech rights on the Internet—rights that were squarely in John Ashcroft's post-9/11 cross hairs.
    I had a wonderful time, and in front of a national prime time television audience, I held my own with my peers. I didn't win, but I made the Ice Queen Anne Robinson laugh three separate times (which, strangely, didn't make it onto TV).

30 OCTOBER