is what I should be doing with my life, but instead I am in
human form, living within The Stage. “That’s why I was never
satisfied with life, I was meant to be in charge of an infinite
Universe! I was meant to control The Stage, but instead I was on
earth in human form, how incredibly frustrating! I was born to be
God,” and I wrote “why am I playing man?!”
With my
revelations on The Stage came the revelation that I did not need
God to speak to me, God had already been speaking to me. God had
been speaking to me for years, in the only way He could, by showing
me signs, prophecies and omens. God does speak, I understood, I finally understood, God does speak to me, God speaks to me through The Stage! God
cannot defy the laws of physics, the laws of physics that He
Himself Created, but God can and does speak! God speaks to me and
to all of us through signs and coincidences!
Things were
getting worse for me, my mind was drifting further and further from
reality… but then I didn’t know, maybe I was becoming more and more
in touch with my true self, with my true being. Perhaps the
medication had been keeping my true personality suppressed. I knew
that I needed the more level headed version of myself to write my
theories, but The Leader, who I was now becoming permanently, I
believed that now I had done all the hard work it was his turn to
take over. This is the nature of madness, you never know where
reality ends and fantasy begins.
I can tell you
that my mother isn’t the Devil, and that she never poisoned anyone,
she was just a bit of a bitch to me, when I most needed her help
she pushed me away. Maybe mum
and Ken could have been nicer to me when I was having a hard time.
Say what you like about that, but we are all a product of our
upbringing. I'm happy with the way I turned out, so is God, they
were the ones I needed to raise me right. The poisoning I
know to be false, that was
completely insane, the rest of my beliefs are debatable. What I can't tell you is “who”
I am, but honestly, I don’t think it matters anyway. It’s like
Christians, they get so caught up about who Jesus was in relation
to God, when that doesn't even matter. It doesn't matter whether
Jesus was God, the Son of God, a prophet, just some guy, or as I'm
inclined to believe, my worthless half-brother, ha ha ha! It
doesn't matter, none of that shit matters, so don't even bother
debating it.
I started to
think about it though ,
if I was God, then everything that has ever happened, in all of
human history, I did it. My mind turned to the Holocaust, I looked
for a reason, and I found it, Dr Rips! “You stupid cunt! You did
the Holocaust! If you had just listened to me, six million Jews
never would have died!” I went to the internet café to tell him my
revelation and a book on the shelf caught my eye, it was called
‘The Land God’s Anger Made,’ and it had a swastika on the front.
“You stupid, stupid cunt! Why couldn’t you have just listened to
me?!” I was furious with Dr Rips!
I went camping
again that night, by this time I had nothing left, I’d burned
everything my mother gave me, this included my blanket, my shoes,
my jacket, my underpants. I slept that night on a sandbank at the
end of Blue Pool. I tried to burn my Bible, but I couldn’t do it, I
didn’t have the heart. I tried to drown it, but it was water proof,
so I rolled it up and buried it in the sand. I wrote messages with
a smouldering piece of wood on a fallen log. I drew a swastika, and
I wrote “R.I.P Dr Rips.” I was so cold that night without a jacket,
long pants, or a blanket, and I kept stepping on hot coals trying
to stay close to the fire. I became sick and vomited from drinking
the river water. It rained on me that night too, it was horrible. I
felt like I was dead, or dying. I thought about my ghost being
heard as people pass by the billabong and they see the evidence
that I was there . I t was the end for me. I
called that night ‘Easter II –
human form, living within The Stage. “That’s why I was never
satisfied with life, I was meant to be in charge of an infinite
Universe! I was meant to control The Stage, but instead I was on
earth in human form, how incredibly frustrating! I was born to be
God,” and I wrote “why am I playing man?!”
With my
revelations on The Stage came the revelation that I did not need
God to speak to me, God had already been speaking to me. God had
been speaking to me for years, in the only way He could, by showing
me signs, prophecies and omens. God does speak, I understood, I finally understood, God does speak to me, God speaks to me through The Stage! God
cannot defy the laws of physics, the laws of physics that He
Himself Created, but God can and does speak! God speaks to me and
to all of us through signs and coincidences!
Things were
getting worse for me, my mind was drifting further and further from
reality… but then I didn’t know, maybe I was becoming more and more
in touch with my true self, with my true being. Perhaps the
medication had been keeping my true personality suppressed. I knew
that I needed the more level headed version of myself to write my
theories, but The Leader, who I was now becoming permanently, I
believed that now I had done all the hard work it was his turn to
take over. This is the nature of madness, you never know where
reality ends and fantasy begins.
I can tell you
that my mother isn’t the Devil, and that she never poisoned anyone,
she was just a bit of a bitch to me, when I most needed her help
she pushed me away. Maybe mum
and Ken could have been nicer to me when I was having a hard time.
Say what you like about that, but we are all a product of our
upbringing. I'm happy with the way I turned out, so is God, they
were the ones I needed to raise me right. The poisoning I
know to be false, that was
completely insane, the rest of my beliefs are debatable. What I can't tell you is “who”
I am, but honestly, I don’t think it matters anyway. It’s like
Christians, they get so caught up about who Jesus was in relation
to God, when that doesn't even matter. It doesn't matter whether
Jesus was God, the Son of God, a prophet, just some guy, or as I'm
inclined to believe, my worthless half-brother, ha ha ha! It
doesn't matter, none of that shit matters, so don't even bother
debating it.
I started to
think about it though ,
if I was God, then everything that has ever happened, in all of
human history, I did it. My mind turned to the Holocaust, I looked
for a reason, and I found it, Dr Rips! “You stupid cunt! You did
the Holocaust! If you had just listened to me, six million Jews
never would have died!” I went to the internet café to tell him my
revelation and a book on the shelf caught my eye, it was called
‘The Land God’s Anger Made,’ and it had a swastika on the front.
“You stupid, stupid cunt! Why couldn’t you have just listened to
me?!” I was furious with Dr Rips!
I went camping
again that night, by this time I had nothing left, I’d burned
everything my mother gave me, this included my blanket, my shoes,
my jacket, my underpants. I slept that night on a sandbank at the
end of Blue Pool. I tried to burn my Bible, but I couldn’t do it, I
didn’t have the heart. I tried to drown it, but it was water proof,
so I rolled it up and buried it in the sand. I wrote messages with
a smouldering piece of wood on a fallen log. I drew a swastika, and
I wrote “R.I.P Dr Rips.” I was so cold that night without a jacket,
long pants, or a blanket, and I kept stepping on hot coals trying
to stay close to the fire. I became sick and vomited from drinking
the river water. It rained on me that night too, it was horrible. I
felt like I was dead, or dying. I thought about my ghost being
heard as people pass by the billabong and they see the evidence
that I was there . I t was the end for me. I
called that night ‘Easter II –
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