it anyway. “You’ve had all this stuff going on inside you.”
“It’s been a jumble in my head.”
“It’s okay,” I say. “So this guy, this slouchy guy with the undefinable something, did you want to do it with him?” I slip an arm around her and she tips her white head against mine. “Of course you did,” I tell her.
“How will I ever leave Cork?”
“They’ll be new guys, lots of guys. The guys will come and go, but it’s friendship that lasts.”
“But how will I ever leave him?” She stares at her reflection as if it knows the answer.
“How will you ever leave me?”
Inggy startles, and I guess I do too. “Leave you? You’ll visit me,” she says. “I’ll come home. We’ll talk on the phone, text.…”
“Oh, I know, I know.”
“With Cork everything will have to be different.… I do love him.” She blinks away her tears. “Say something, Angel.”
But I can’t. Maybe I’m too filled with secrets. Am I a bad person? It doesn’t feel bad. Not really. It’s separate, me and Cork. And it doesn’t mean anything. If Inggy found out would she see that I’m still me and we’re still us? I think so. I really do.
Joey, though, would lose all faith. He expects too much. Maybe you can’t expect so much. Joey feels lost to me forever.
chapter 13
Just one more time, or two. Then I’ll stop. But it’s Friday, and the night awaits me. Mom’s having a party, Inggy’s at some Journalists of Tomorrow seminar in DC, and my immediate prospects are Kipper or Cork. Need I say more.
Kipper’s writing me notes these days, folding them a million times and slipping them into my locker.
Friday, Oct. 14, 1:16 p.m.: Let’s go on a date tonight! A movie? A stromboli on the boardwalk? We could fox-trot. Full moon tonight! p.s. I’m not looking to get laid. p.s.2 But if you want to, great! p.s.3 Maybe you’ll let me hold your hand in any case
.
After school, Cork stops by my locker as I’m looking in a tiny mirror I taped to the door. I can only see my mouth as I rub on lip gloss. “I’ll come over later,” he whispers.
“All right,” my glossy mouth says.
• • •
I heat up a Hot Pocket while Mom backs out of the refrigerator with an armful of guacamole, salsa, cheddar cheese, olives, and hummus. The kids are with TB, who has not been invited to this party of hers tonight. “How do I look, by the way?” she asks.
“Can I run a chip through that?” I reach for the tub of guac.
“Go ahead.” She hands it off. “Good?” she says, twirling.
“You’re smokin’ but simple.” I crunch a chip. She has on a black halter dress and sleek midheel wedges. Her hair waves nicely around her face. Definitely sexy but low-key tonight. It’s a good look for her and probably has something to do with the banker she’s been dating.
I take a long bike ride into the state park. The moon is indeed full, and it’s a bright, cold night. The island is so different in the off-season. There are some lingering bennies on the weekends in September, but slowly the place clears out and by October it’s quiet, quiet, quiet. I ride along the dunes until I get tired and then take a walk on the beach. It’s windy and deserted; I’m not dressed warm enough and start to shiver, but I like the night beach. The full moon. The moonlit sand, the waves silvery in the brightness. Nature is sexy, and that makes me think God is alive and has very good taste. I can go a long time withoutthinking about God, but then I do, and tonight God is this beach. And wouldn’t you know, I see a little fox up on the dunes. You don’t see them often, but there it is, its eyes sparks of light. When I’m shivering too much, I hurry back to my bike.
I’m cold and sweaty when I get back home. My mom’s party is in full swing, cars parked all over, the house lit up, and music humming through the walls. I walk my bike over the stones to the shed. Cork sits waiting on the back stoop of the Corner
“It’s been a jumble in my head.”
“It’s okay,” I say. “So this guy, this slouchy guy with the undefinable something, did you want to do it with him?” I slip an arm around her and she tips her white head against mine. “Of course you did,” I tell her.
“How will I ever leave Cork?”
“They’ll be new guys, lots of guys. The guys will come and go, but it’s friendship that lasts.”
“But how will I ever leave him?” She stares at her reflection as if it knows the answer.
“How will you ever leave me?”
Inggy startles, and I guess I do too. “Leave you? You’ll visit me,” she says. “I’ll come home. We’ll talk on the phone, text.…”
“Oh, I know, I know.”
“With Cork everything will have to be different.… I do love him.” She blinks away her tears. “Say something, Angel.”
But I can’t. Maybe I’m too filled with secrets. Am I a bad person? It doesn’t feel bad. Not really. It’s separate, me and Cork. And it doesn’t mean anything. If Inggy found out would she see that I’m still me and we’re still us? I think so. I really do.
Joey, though, would lose all faith. He expects too much. Maybe you can’t expect so much. Joey feels lost to me forever.
chapter 13
Just one more time, or two. Then I’ll stop. But it’s Friday, and the night awaits me. Mom’s having a party, Inggy’s at some Journalists of Tomorrow seminar in DC, and my immediate prospects are Kipper or Cork. Need I say more.
Kipper’s writing me notes these days, folding them a million times and slipping them into my locker.
Friday, Oct. 14, 1:16 p.m.: Let’s go on a date tonight! A movie? A stromboli on the boardwalk? We could fox-trot. Full moon tonight! p.s. I’m not looking to get laid. p.s.2 But if you want to, great! p.s.3 Maybe you’ll let me hold your hand in any case
.
After school, Cork stops by my locker as I’m looking in a tiny mirror I taped to the door. I can only see my mouth as I rub on lip gloss. “I’ll come over later,” he whispers.
“All right,” my glossy mouth says.
• • •
I heat up a Hot Pocket while Mom backs out of the refrigerator with an armful of guacamole, salsa, cheddar cheese, olives, and hummus. The kids are with TB, who has not been invited to this party of hers tonight. “How do I look, by the way?” she asks.
“Can I run a chip through that?” I reach for the tub of guac.
“Go ahead.” She hands it off. “Good?” she says, twirling.
“You’re smokin’ but simple.” I crunch a chip. She has on a black halter dress and sleek midheel wedges. Her hair waves nicely around her face. Definitely sexy but low-key tonight. It’s a good look for her and probably has something to do with the banker she’s been dating.
I take a long bike ride into the state park. The moon is indeed full, and it’s a bright, cold night. The island is so different in the off-season. There are some lingering bennies on the weekends in September, but slowly the place clears out and by October it’s quiet, quiet, quiet. I ride along the dunes until I get tired and then take a walk on the beach. It’s windy and deserted; I’m not dressed warm enough and start to shiver, but I like the night beach. The full moon. The moonlit sand, the waves silvery in the brightness. Nature is sexy, and that makes me think God is alive and has very good taste. I can go a long time withoutthinking about God, but then I do, and tonight God is this beach. And wouldn’t you know, I see a little fox up on the dunes. You don’t see them often, but there it is, its eyes sparks of light. When I’m shivering too much, I hurry back to my bike.
I’m cold and sweaty when I get back home. My mom’s party is in full swing, cars parked all over, the house lit up, and music humming through the walls. I walk my bike over the stones to the shed. Cork sits waiting on the back stoop of the Corner
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