couldn’t sleep. I’ll let you go.”
And she nibbled on it. “It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep either. Why couldn’t you sleep?”
I turned my laptop on the nightstand that I planned on replacing, and laid back, debating on what to talk about. “I had a nightmare.”
Jaq wiped tears from her face with her fingers, the pain easing from her eyes. “About what?”
“Something that happened here, thirteen years ago.”
“See, I told you not to go there. What happened? Tell me.”
I had never repeated that story to anyone, nor did I talk about it. Not even with Silas. We were both there. We knew what went down, and we didn’t need to relive it, but for confusing reasons, I told Jaq. It wasn’t for me. It was for her. I told it in hopes of getting her mind off her own nightmare. Whatever that was.
“My dad was a college professor, a philosopher, but his passion was physics and mental illness. He spent a lot of time in the lab there, trying to design a drug for a patient he’d had before Silas and I were born.”
“Silas is your brother?”
“Yes, two years older than me.”
“Okay. Why did he have a patient if he was a professor? I don’t understand?”
“I don’t understand all of that yet either, but my dad has some journals around here somewhere. I just have to find them.”
“You think there’s something in them that you can help me with, right?”
“I know there is. I found them once in his lab when I was twelve. He scolded me and took them from me. My dad was on to something, but I was young. Even though I was intrigued, I was more absorbed in summer break and exploring with Silas. I did sneak back in to read them later, but they were gone. He moved them, and to this day, I don’t know why.”
Jaq sniffed and interrupted again, not that I cared. She wasn’t crying anymore, that’s all that mattered to me. “Probably because you were too young. Maybe he wanted to wait and see if you grew up smart or dumb like me.”
“Don’t say that. Why would you say that? You’re not dumb, and I never want to hear that come out of your mouth again. Do you understand me?”
“Yeah, sure, doctor. Don’t forget, you’re talking to an expert here. I’ve heard all the self-talk crap you think you can give me. I know all about the low self-esteem stuff, the positive affirmations I should practice, and the things I should be grateful for. None of that works for me, so if that’s what you think, you’re wasting your time. You’re not going to save me, Ollie. You’re not. It is what it is, and I’m tired of calling it anything more than that. I’m not like other girls. I’m not.”
“I don’t care about that, Jaq, but I do care about you being happy, and I honestly think I can help.”
“With some magic potion from your famous dad?”
“He was only famous for a minute, and only to a handful of scientists. Why don’t you stop being a defeatist? And I meant what I said. I never want to hear that again. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, but I don’t know what defeatist means.”
My serious expression softened with the instant smile. “It means stop being the prophet of despair. Look for the light.”
Jaq looked around her small bathroom, her sarcastic words, matching the expression on her face. “Yeah, okay. I’ll do that. Tell me about your nightmare. I want to know.”
She didn’t want to know. She wanted the focus off her. Jaq was what you might call an expert at manipulation. I saw through it, yet I let her do it.
“It was the last summer I was here. My dad was in the garage where a real live lab had taken over in the past few years. I was young so I didn’t really understand it, but I knew my father had lost his job at the university over a breakthrough drug. One that helped schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, anxiety disease, and numerous counts of phobias.”
“I have all those.”
I ignored Jaq’s self-diagnosis and continued the story. “My dad was so excited; like
And she nibbled on it. “It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep either. Why couldn’t you sleep?”
I turned my laptop on the nightstand that I planned on replacing, and laid back, debating on what to talk about. “I had a nightmare.”
Jaq wiped tears from her face with her fingers, the pain easing from her eyes. “About what?”
“Something that happened here, thirteen years ago.”
“See, I told you not to go there. What happened? Tell me.”
I had never repeated that story to anyone, nor did I talk about it. Not even with Silas. We were both there. We knew what went down, and we didn’t need to relive it, but for confusing reasons, I told Jaq. It wasn’t for me. It was for her. I told it in hopes of getting her mind off her own nightmare. Whatever that was.
“My dad was a college professor, a philosopher, but his passion was physics and mental illness. He spent a lot of time in the lab there, trying to design a drug for a patient he’d had before Silas and I were born.”
“Silas is your brother?”
“Yes, two years older than me.”
“Okay. Why did he have a patient if he was a professor? I don’t understand?”
“I don’t understand all of that yet either, but my dad has some journals around here somewhere. I just have to find them.”
“You think there’s something in them that you can help me with, right?”
“I know there is. I found them once in his lab when I was twelve. He scolded me and took them from me. My dad was on to something, but I was young. Even though I was intrigued, I was more absorbed in summer break and exploring with Silas. I did sneak back in to read them later, but they were gone. He moved them, and to this day, I don’t know why.”
Jaq sniffed and interrupted again, not that I cared. She wasn’t crying anymore, that’s all that mattered to me. “Probably because you were too young. Maybe he wanted to wait and see if you grew up smart or dumb like me.”
“Don’t say that. Why would you say that? You’re not dumb, and I never want to hear that come out of your mouth again. Do you understand me?”
“Yeah, sure, doctor. Don’t forget, you’re talking to an expert here. I’ve heard all the self-talk crap you think you can give me. I know all about the low self-esteem stuff, the positive affirmations I should practice, and the things I should be grateful for. None of that works for me, so if that’s what you think, you’re wasting your time. You’re not going to save me, Ollie. You’re not. It is what it is, and I’m tired of calling it anything more than that. I’m not like other girls. I’m not.”
“I don’t care about that, Jaq, but I do care about you being happy, and I honestly think I can help.”
“With some magic potion from your famous dad?”
“He was only famous for a minute, and only to a handful of scientists. Why don’t you stop being a defeatist? And I meant what I said. I never want to hear that again. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, but I don’t know what defeatist means.”
My serious expression softened with the instant smile. “It means stop being the prophet of despair. Look for the light.”
Jaq looked around her small bathroom, her sarcastic words, matching the expression on her face. “Yeah, okay. I’ll do that. Tell me about your nightmare. I want to know.”
She didn’t want to know. She wanted the focus off her. Jaq was what you might call an expert at manipulation. I saw through it, yet I let her do it.
“It was the last summer I was here. My dad was in the garage where a real live lab had taken over in the past few years. I was young so I didn’t really understand it, but I knew my father had lost his job at the university over a breakthrough drug. One that helped schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, anxiety disease, and numerous counts of phobias.”
“I have all those.”
I ignored Jaq’s self-diagnosis and continued the story. “My dad was so excited; like
Similar Books
