“I’ve got dreams. I want to have a career and travel the world. I want to visit all fifty states. I want to ride a mule down the side of the Grand Canyon.”
Something she said must have struck him as hilarious because Darren burst into laughter.
“What’s so funny?”
“You’re kidding right? About the mule part?”
“Of course not. Isn’t that what people do when they visit the Grand Canyon?”
“Yeah, the lunatics who have a death wish.”
“My point is, I want my life to be my own, to come and go as I please without being accountable to anyone.”
“Who says you can’t do all the things you want and be in a relationship? The best part of being with someone is being able to do things together and if you have dreams, the person you’re with will support you. Are you scared because you don’t think Jagger can be that guy or because you think he can be?”
“I’m not even sure if that makes any sense.”
He sighed. “Cam, my one piece of advice to you would be if it feels right in your heart and it doesn’t hurt anyone else, go for it. Look, I have to go on my run now but call me as soon as you hear any word on Mom.”
“Sure. Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
Once she ended her call, she fell back against her pillow feeling more confused than ever. She supposed what he said made sense but it was hard to determine what her true feelings were when she’d never felt this way before. The only thing she knew for certain was that she was physically and sexually attracted to him, but a relationship needed more than that to thrive.
What the hell was wrong with her anyway? She had no business thinking along those lines. There was no room in her life for any man, and that was that. When she saw Jagger again in the morning, she’d treat him cordially, but that was it. She’d pretend nothing had happened and she hadn’t ogled him like a damned lecher.
Deciding it was pointless to remain in bed when she had no chance of falling asleep, she rolled off. Digging through her suitcase, she pulled out a pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt and her sneakers. Camryn hoped a walk would clear her mind. When she left her bedroom, thankfully she saw no sign of Jagger roaming around the house.
Camryn walked a couple miles and, still hadn’t come to a concrete conclusion about her feelings for Jagger. She wanted to believe that he wouldn’t be the kind of man to squash her dreams and keep her tethered to home and family while he did as he pleased and cheated. They all cheated. That was how she perceived things. Though she was too embarrassed to admit it, every single one of her relationships had ended badly with either the guy calling her something hurtful, frigid being one of her favorites, cold, or just plain old bitch. By her sophomore year in college, she shunned all relationships choosing to focus on her. She figured she simply wasn’t cut out for romance, not that any of those guys had made her heart beat fast or her pulse race like she’d read love was supposed to.
Besides, she’d never had a good example of what a loving couple was except what was on television and she knew that was just a fantasy. From an early age, she knew something wasn’t right in her household. Her father was constantly talking down to her mother. He often went as far as calling Maggie an idiot or a moron right in front of her and Darren when he felt like she’d done something wrong. There were many times when Camryn spotted the sadness in her mother’s eyes when she didn’t think anyone was watching. And then, there were the women. After a while, her father made no secret of the fact that he saw other women while telling Maggie it was her fault for being out of shape and stupid. One woman had had the audacity to show up at their house once demanding to see Eugene.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the worst memory of her parents. She’d never forget it. It was shortly into her senior year in high school when she’d witnessed her
Something she said must have struck him as hilarious because Darren burst into laughter.
“What’s so funny?”
“You’re kidding right? About the mule part?”
“Of course not. Isn’t that what people do when they visit the Grand Canyon?”
“Yeah, the lunatics who have a death wish.”
“My point is, I want my life to be my own, to come and go as I please without being accountable to anyone.”
“Who says you can’t do all the things you want and be in a relationship? The best part of being with someone is being able to do things together and if you have dreams, the person you’re with will support you. Are you scared because you don’t think Jagger can be that guy or because you think he can be?”
“I’m not even sure if that makes any sense.”
He sighed. “Cam, my one piece of advice to you would be if it feels right in your heart and it doesn’t hurt anyone else, go for it. Look, I have to go on my run now but call me as soon as you hear any word on Mom.”
“Sure. Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
Once she ended her call, she fell back against her pillow feeling more confused than ever. She supposed what he said made sense but it was hard to determine what her true feelings were when she’d never felt this way before. The only thing she knew for certain was that she was physically and sexually attracted to him, but a relationship needed more than that to thrive.
What the hell was wrong with her anyway? She had no business thinking along those lines. There was no room in her life for any man, and that was that. When she saw Jagger again in the morning, she’d treat him cordially, but that was it. She’d pretend nothing had happened and she hadn’t ogled him like a damned lecher.
Deciding it was pointless to remain in bed when she had no chance of falling asleep, she rolled off. Digging through her suitcase, she pulled out a pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt and her sneakers. Camryn hoped a walk would clear her mind. When she left her bedroom, thankfully she saw no sign of Jagger roaming around the house.
Camryn walked a couple miles and, still hadn’t come to a concrete conclusion about her feelings for Jagger. She wanted to believe that he wouldn’t be the kind of man to squash her dreams and keep her tethered to home and family while he did as he pleased and cheated. They all cheated. That was how she perceived things. Though she was too embarrassed to admit it, every single one of her relationships had ended badly with either the guy calling her something hurtful, frigid being one of her favorites, cold, or just plain old bitch. By her sophomore year in college, she shunned all relationships choosing to focus on her. She figured she simply wasn’t cut out for romance, not that any of those guys had made her heart beat fast or her pulse race like she’d read love was supposed to.
Besides, she’d never had a good example of what a loving couple was except what was on television and she knew that was just a fantasy. From an early age, she knew something wasn’t right in her household. Her father was constantly talking down to her mother. He often went as far as calling Maggie an idiot or a moron right in front of her and Darren when he felt like she’d done something wrong. There were many times when Camryn spotted the sadness in her mother’s eyes when she didn’t think anyone was watching. And then, there were the women. After a while, her father made no secret of the fact that he saw other women while telling Maggie it was her fault for being out of shape and stupid. One woman had had the audacity to show up at their house once demanding to see Eugene.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the worst memory of her parents. She’d never forget it. It was shortly into her senior year in high school when she’d witnessed her
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