It Was Us by Anna Cruise

it on purpose, but the sooner she got around to admitting it was our decision and not just hers, the better off we'd be to actually figuring out what the hell we were doing.
    “Tell me about the appointment,” I said.
    She explained what she'd learned at the consultation. It sounded like it was completely unbiased, with no pressure to make a decision one way or another. She'd been given options and learned about what was involved, which sounded really fucking unpleasant.
    And she's made an appointment to go back.
    As soon as she said this, I stiffened. “You made the appointment to go back?”
    “Yeah, but...”
    “You said you wouldn't make a decision without me.”
    “I haven't. I didn't. But...”
    “Making an appointment to go back wasn't making a decision?” I asked. “Because that really sounds like you've decided what you're doing.”
    “Would you shut up for just a minute and let me finish?” she said, sitting up and pulling away from me. “I know you're pissed at me and I am sorry. But this is all new for me, alright? I haven't done it before. So excuse me if I don't do it all the way you want me to.”
    I felt the donkey ears sprouting out of the top of my head. “Okay. Sorry.”
    She waited a moment to see if I had anything else to add to my apology.
    I didn't.
    “Yes,” she said. “I made an appointment. To go back for...the procedure. But I don't have to. Not like they're going to come and get me and throw me on a bus and make me go do it. But I was there. I thought about we'd talked about, about not being ready to have kids and I thought I knew what we would think was best. I asked about coming back to have it done. She pulled up the calendar and I knew the only time that would work this week – for both of us – was Wednesday. So I made the appointment. The woman told me that if I changed my mind for any reason that I could call or go back to talk some more or whatever. But I just did it so that that option was there. For us . That's it. That's why.”
    I took a deep breath. I had to quit flying off the handle because I was only going to make it worse. And I understood what she was saying. Even if I was still stung about not going to the appointment, I understood what she was saying. It was fair.
    “Okay,” I finally said. “So. Wednesday.”
    But she winced like she had a cramp or something. “But that was before I saw my mom.”
    I thought for a moment, then I shook my head. “I'm not following, Abs.”
    She laced her fingers with mine and squeezed my hand. “So my mom starts talking about...the possibilities. With her. And I'm not dumb, West. I know any abnormalities in her bloodwork at this point aren't a good sign. It just got me thinking.”
    I held her hand and didn't say anything because I knew she was trying to figure out how to put it into words.
    “So let's say it's worst case scenario,” she said, her voice unsteady. “Let's say it's the worst kind of news.”
    “Abby, don't...”
    She squeezed my hand. “Wait. Just let me explain.”
    I nodded.
    “I'm just being hypothetical,” she continued. “Let's say it's the one thing none of us want to hear. That it's...just bad.” She swallowed hard. “What if her window to be a grandmother is...pretty short? What if this is the only chance she'll have to have a grandbaby? Even if that time is pretty limited.” She paused, her eyes watering. “I don't want her to...be gone...without having that chance.”
    I felt my own throat close up and tried to clear it. “Okay. But it's not your responsibility to give her that, Abby.”
    “I know,” she said, nodding. “I really do. I've thought about that all afternoon. But this is where we are. I'm pregnant. She may be pretty sick. It's not like I ran out to have a baby because she's sick. They happened at the same time.” She paused, wiping at her eyes. “Maybe there's a reason for that.”
    I took a deep breath. I wasn't sure that was the right reason to have a baby, but I