crash hard and
fast, today has been physically and emotionally draining but
finally for the first time in a month, it’s in a good way. It’s no
sooner than I fall asleep though, that I’m bombarded with
nightmares of Logan, standing in the club watching me with Shayne,
laughing and chastising me, telling me how I’m a slut just like him
and gloating about how he’s ruined me for any other man. He tells
me how they might please my body but they’ll l never be able to
satisfy my heart. When I wake in the early hours, I find my sheets
drenched in sweat and have to strip my bed, I can’t escape him. I
suddenly feel sick about myself, was I a slut? I’ve always judged
girls who have sex with strangers; it grossed me out to think of
sleeping with a guy who I knew nothing about; anything could
happen. Now I seem to have succumbed to acting just like them.
Imagine if I’d picked the wrong guy.
I take a shower to wash the
stale sweat and the stagnant smell of Shayne from my body; it feels
like I bathed in his cologne. Just a few hours ago I’d felt like
tonight was amazing, I thought I was finally taking down some of
those emotional barriers I put up after Logan, yet now I’m
regretting it all. My head is swimming with conflictions and I
curse Logan for being able to ruin my night after everything that’s
happened.
I shower quickly and make
my bed with new sheets, it’s already getting light outside but I
fall back asleep in minutes, my mind still ablaze with thought of
Logan, Cara and Shayne.
The weekend passes quickly
although it seems every day lately is one big blur. Brooklyn stays
in the rest of the weekend, vegging out with me, watching shows we
had on the DVR. With both of us working all week it’s hard to find
time to sit down and watch anything. We’re in the middle of making
lunch on Sunday when Brooklyn’s phone rang; it was her agent. In
seconds she is screaming across the kitchen and jumping around with
excitement.
“OMG, that is amazing! Yes,
I'm so excited; I’ll be there bright and early Monday
morning…thanks, bye.”
Brooklyn puts her cellphone
on the kitchen counter and immediately starts screaming again,
enthusiastically bouncing her way over to me. I get so wrapped up
in her excitement that I start screaming and jumping around with
her.
“Wait! Why are we jumping
and screaming?” I can’t help but laugh at how silly we’re being. I
have no idea what was going on right now but her excitement is
contagious.
“The most amazing thing ever
just happened,” she cries as she grips my shoulders and shakes me
vigorously. “I went and auditioned last week for a small roll
on Criminal Minds ,
it’s only one episode, I’m going to be a kidnap victim who will be
rescued by Shemar Moore and the other cast members!”
Her face flushes a deep red
and she starts bouncing on her toes giggling, “Shemar freakin’
Moore, Savannah! That smoking hot man is going to be like five feet
away from me! I swear to God, I just died and went to
Heaven.”
“Oh. My. God! Are you
serious? That’s amazing! Your parents are going to be so excited,
after all this time of struggling things are looking up. I swear I
would risk incarceration for the chance to touch Shemar Moore. When
he says “baby girl” he makes me tingle all over.” I can’t believe
this; Brooklyn is going to get to work on the same set as Shemar
Moore. That’s like dying and walking straight into
Heaven.
Brooklyn instantly has to
tweet it, post it on Facebook and text everyone in her address
book, obviously. I think she would have been happy just getting a
job as a corpse on the show, let alone actually getting an acting
gig for the episode. Tons of stars started out like this, small
guest rolls on soap operas and primetime shows and before you know
it you’re one of Hollywood’s ‘A List’ actresses. Luckily for her
filming starts tomorrow, as in a few weeks she’s flying to
Vancouver for
fast, today has been physically and emotionally draining but
finally for the first time in a month, it’s in a good way. It’s no
sooner than I fall asleep though, that I’m bombarded with
nightmares of Logan, standing in the club watching me with Shayne,
laughing and chastising me, telling me how I’m a slut just like him
and gloating about how he’s ruined me for any other man. He tells
me how they might please my body but they’ll l never be able to
satisfy my heart. When I wake in the early hours, I find my sheets
drenched in sweat and have to strip my bed, I can’t escape him. I
suddenly feel sick about myself, was I a slut? I’ve always judged
girls who have sex with strangers; it grossed me out to think of
sleeping with a guy who I knew nothing about; anything could
happen. Now I seem to have succumbed to acting just like them.
Imagine if I’d picked the wrong guy.
I take a shower to wash the
stale sweat and the stagnant smell of Shayne from my body; it feels
like I bathed in his cologne. Just a few hours ago I’d felt like
tonight was amazing, I thought I was finally taking down some of
those emotional barriers I put up after Logan, yet now I’m
regretting it all. My head is swimming with conflictions and I
curse Logan for being able to ruin my night after everything that’s
happened.
I shower quickly and make
my bed with new sheets, it’s already getting light outside but I
fall back asleep in minutes, my mind still ablaze with thought of
Logan, Cara and Shayne.
The weekend passes quickly
although it seems every day lately is one big blur. Brooklyn stays
in the rest of the weekend, vegging out with me, watching shows we
had on the DVR. With both of us working all week it’s hard to find
time to sit down and watch anything. We’re in the middle of making
lunch on Sunday when Brooklyn’s phone rang; it was her agent. In
seconds she is screaming across the kitchen and jumping around with
excitement.
“OMG, that is amazing! Yes,
I'm so excited; I’ll be there bright and early Monday
morning…thanks, bye.”
Brooklyn puts her cellphone
on the kitchen counter and immediately starts screaming again,
enthusiastically bouncing her way over to me. I get so wrapped up
in her excitement that I start screaming and jumping around with
her.
“Wait! Why are we jumping
and screaming?” I can’t help but laugh at how silly we’re being. I
have no idea what was going on right now but her excitement is
contagious.
“The most amazing thing ever
just happened,” she cries as she grips my shoulders and shakes me
vigorously. “I went and auditioned last week for a small roll
on Criminal Minds ,
it’s only one episode, I’m going to be a kidnap victim who will be
rescued by Shemar Moore and the other cast members!”
Her face flushes a deep red
and she starts bouncing on her toes giggling, “Shemar freakin’
Moore, Savannah! That smoking hot man is going to be like five feet
away from me! I swear to God, I just died and went to
Heaven.”
“Oh. My. God! Are you
serious? That’s amazing! Your parents are going to be so excited,
after all this time of struggling things are looking up. I swear I
would risk incarceration for the chance to touch Shemar Moore. When
he says “baby girl” he makes me tingle all over.” I can’t believe
this; Brooklyn is going to get to work on the same set as Shemar
Moore. That’s like dying and walking straight into
Heaven.
Brooklyn instantly has to
tweet it, post it on Facebook and text everyone in her address
book, obviously. I think she would have been happy just getting a
job as a corpse on the show, let alone actually getting an acting
gig for the episode. Tons of stars started out like this, small
guest rolls on soap operas and primetime shows and before you know
it you’re one of Hollywood’s ‘A List’ actresses. Luckily for her
filming starts tomorrow, as in a few weeks she’s flying to
Vancouver for
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