of you like this aren't just friends."
Maybe Aling Idang would do a better job at goddess of love than me. "I know," I said instead, sighing.
I didn't get to talk to Quin for the rest of that night, and by the time Robbie took me home past midnight, I had numbed myself to the idea.
The lights were out at home. Tita Carmen was either in bed or not home yet , but even if she were home she didn't fuss over me. I actually liked that I was living with someone who had a life.
" Thank you," I told Robbie, when we got to the front door. I said that because I wanted to start the goodbyes outside. It didn't feel right to invite him in.
" It's not a problem," he said. "So… yeah. That was the Bash."
" My first."
" It's always this horrible."
" Why do they keep having it then?"
" I don't know. People forget easily."
We paused, both looking at the door.
"What did you think it was going to be like?" he asked.
I thought I was going to be there with Quin.
"I thought there would be good food and nice music, and maybe I'd get to dance with someone," I said.
Robbie smiled. "Like a prom?"
I threw my hands up. "I'm sheltered."
His next thought was transmitted straight into my mind: Ask her to dance. Right now. It was so quick that I didn't have time to form a response. By the time I thought about saying good night, he had already taken my hand in one of his, and lightly rested the other on my hip.
She 's not saying no was his next thought, transmitted again at the speed of light. I wanted to, I really did. But… it wasn't unpleasant, and it seemed to mean so much to him…
I stepped a tiny bit closer, and raised myself up toward his ear. "Where's the music?" I said.
He started to hum something, and it sent a nice and comfortable feeling from my ear down to my toes. I relaxed and closed my eyes even. As soon as I calmed down, his own heart started to race.
I just might have a chance with her, he thought.
You can have a chance with anyone, I thought, trying to project it into his head. But I wasn't letting him go either. I could see how he was remembering this moment and I didn't want to ruin it.
Because, though I 'd seen and felt just a fraction of all the love in the world, I knew that when people thought of love they thought of moments. Whether or not a marriage worked out, or if they stayed together after graduation, or if they did go to the big dance together, the story's end mattered less, and the highlights in between mattered more. Those are what lingered, and what people can go back to, even when they had nothing left.
Rob bie and I deserved this moment, regardless of how our story would end.
After humming an entire song, he kissed my hand and said good night.
Chapter 24
I am balancing perfectly on a small square of a raft. It's made of bamboo and it's keeping me from sinking into the dark green water.
I would normally freak out at this.
But h e and I are there together. He's holding me close, and somehow it feels right, and natural, and I am not hyperventilating from shock. We are again in the middle of a conversation and my voice is just as steady as the arms entwined around his neck.
We are talking about going into hiding.
Or rather, he is suggesting it, and I am telling him how ridiculous it is. Throughout this I am marveling at the freedom I have to touch him. I lightly tap his chest with fingers that are more slender and graceful than I remember mine being. His reaction is to tighten his embrace very slightly, but I feel it, and I barely pay attention to what is being said.
If this is someone else 's memory then I am thankful that it is at least interactive.
" Then we agree?" he says.
" Yes," I hear myself say, but I have no idea what I am agreeing to.
"Don't be afraid."
I don 't feel that at all. "I just wish I knew how much time we have," I say.
" Never worry about time," he says. "It's never enough anyway."
" Even for us?"
" Especially for us."
I wish I understood what that meant,
Maybe Aling Idang would do a better job at goddess of love than me. "I know," I said instead, sighing.
I didn't get to talk to Quin for the rest of that night, and by the time Robbie took me home past midnight, I had numbed myself to the idea.
The lights were out at home. Tita Carmen was either in bed or not home yet , but even if she were home she didn't fuss over me. I actually liked that I was living with someone who had a life.
" Thank you," I told Robbie, when we got to the front door. I said that because I wanted to start the goodbyes outside. It didn't feel right to invite him in.
" It's not a problem," he said. "So… yeah. That was the Bash."
" My first."
" It's always this horrible."
" Why do they keep having it then?"
" I don't know. People forget easily."
We paused, both looking at the door.
"What did you think it was going to be like?" he asked.
I thought I was going to be there with Quin.
"I thought there would be good food and nice music, and maybe I'd get to dance with someone," I said.
Robbie smiled. "Like a prom?"
I threw my hands up. "I'm sheltered."
His next thought was transmitted straight into my mind: Ask her to dance. Right now. It was so quick that I didn't have time to form a response. By the time I thought about saying good night, he had already taken my hand in one of his, and lightly rested the other on my hip.
She 's not saying no was his next thought, transmitted again at the speed of light. I wanted to, I really did. But… it wasn't unpleasant, and it seemed to mean so much to him…
I stepped a tiny bit closer, and raised myself up toward his ear. "Where's the music?" I said.
He started to hum something, and it sent a nice and comfortable feeling from my ear down to my toes. I relaxed and closed my eyes even. As soon as I calmed down, his own heart started to race.
I just might have a chance with her, he thought.
You can have a chance with anyone, I thought, trying to project it into his head. But I wasn't letting him go either. I could see how he was remembering this moment and I didn't want to ruin it.
Because, though I 'd seen and felt just a fraction of all the love in the world, I knew that when people thought of love they thought of moments. Whether or not a marriage worked out, or if they stayed together after graduation, or if they did go to the big dance together, the story's end mattered less, and the highlights in between mattered more. Those are what lingered, and what people can go back to, even when they had nothing left.
Rob bie and I deserved this moment, regardless of how our story would end.
After humming an entire song, he kissed my hand and said good night.
Chapter 24
I am balancing perfectly on a small square of a raft. It's made of bamboo and it's keeping me from sinking into the dark green water.
I would normally freak out at this.
But h e and I are there together. He's holding me close, and somehow it feels right, and natural, and I am not hyperventilating from shock. We are again in the middle of a conversation and my voice is just as steady as the arms entwined around his neck.
We are talking about going into hiding.
Or rather, he is suggesting it, and I am telling him how ridiculous it is. Throughout this I am marveling at the freedom I have to touch him. I lightly tap his chest with fingers that are more slender and graceful than I remember mine being. His reaction is to tighten his embrace very slightly, but I feel it, and I barely pay attention to what is being said.
If this is someone else 's memory then I am thankful that it is at least interactive.
" Then we agree?" he says.
" Yes," I hear myself say, but I have no idea what I am agreeing to.
"Don't be afraid."
I don 't feel that at all. "I just wish I knew how much time we have," I say.
" Never worry about time," he says. "It's never enough anyway."
" Even for us?"
" Especially for us."
I wish I understood what that meant,
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