“I don’t know where they are, but I have to know they’re safe.” He replaces the photograph on the shelf. “Anyway, it’s not your problem, or your fault. Del was probably already in custody before you ever got to the Clinic that night.” He wipes his face with his sleeve. “I’ve never told anyone any of this before. I’ve never spoken to anyone at all except my mothers.”
The impact of his words strikes me like a physical blow. I crane my neck to look at him. “You’ve never been out of this room before your mothers disappeared?”
“Our quarters are bigger than this room. This is only my private space. I’ve been outside, too. A few times. Mostly at night when no one’s around. I use the ventilation shafts.”
That’s how he knows his way around.
“You know you have to get outside the palisade, right? Whatever is going on with your mothers the commander knows you’re around now. It’s not safe for you to stay.”
“I won’t leave until I know my moms are safe.” He pacesalongside the bed. He seems so large in the confined space. “And there’s you to consider.” He regards me in my dusty robe with my messed-up soggy hair. My cheeks flush. “They know that you’ve seen me. You’re not safe either.” I can almost see the idea brewing in his mind. “You have to come with me.”
“Outside the palisade?” I ask.
He drops to his knees and clutches my wrists. “If we’re both out of the way, the Protectors won’t be able to do anything to them. There won’t be any evidence of any wrongdoing.”
“I can’t.” My mind reels with the risks and the possibilities. I want to see outside. I do. But this would be so permanent. If I left with him, there’d be no turning back. And what about my mother? What happens when she gets back and finds me gone?
“I can’t,” I repeat. “My mother wouldn’t be safe. The commander’s after her, too.”
“That’s a problem,” he says. “We’d need some kind of insurance.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’d need an airtight story,” he continues. “One that even the commander would believe.” He starts pacing again. “Something that would make her leave your mother alone. We’d need to do more than slip away. We’d need to leave proof that we’ve gone for good.”
Gone for good. It’s a scary thought. Exciting, but scary.
“What kind of proof?” I ask.
“I suppose we could leave a note,” he says, “but they might not believe us. They might think I had kidnapped you and forced you to write it.”
He can’t be serious. He wants to stage a kidnapping? He finally stops pacing.
“Right, and the Protectors would form a search party and leave no stone unturned until they found us,” I agree. “There’s no way we’d escape them. Even with a head start.”
Does the fact that I’m thinking this through mean I’d considerit? I shudder at the thought of Commander Theta and a band of Protectors hunting us through the wasteland. What if Delta and my mother are wrong? What if there’s nothing out there? Ghent and I would die in the desert. Of starvation. Or worse.
“This is crazy. I can’t leave.” The realization crashes down on me. “I have to stay here, but I can make up a story. I’ll say you kidnapped me and let me go. That way I could vouch for the fact you truly left and that you won’t be a danger to anyone anymore.” Ghent tries to interrupt but I keep going. “And I could get a message to your mothers. Let them know you made it out safely.”
He drops onto his mattress. It takes him a few moments to form his next words and when he speaks, his voice is reedy. “I don’t want to be alone.”
My heart aches for him, but it’s impossible. “I won’t go with you. I can’t.”
None of this is his fault, but he has to get out of here, and it has to be alone. The strange thing is that the thought of leaving him makes me uncomfortable. Maybe it’s guilt. If it weren’t for me, he might have gotten away
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