don’t want to complicate things for you, but I want to be here with you. I want to see you through this.”
“I don’t have any expectations. If you want to go you can, I’m going to be fine. Remember, I bounce!” I smile but I can’t hide the sadness in my eyes. I want to give him every out I can.
“I don’t want to leave. I never want to leave, I just can’t...couldn’t stop myself.” Aiden confesses. I’m astounded—I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “That’s why I stayed away for so long this time, because I made a promise to you the last night we were together before I left.”
It is incredibly difficult for me to not be angry with him picking at the scabbed wound of his last betrayal. Just having tried to claw his face off is the only thing that is saving him from some choice words. “The same promise you always make right before you leave.” I turn away from him, facing forward on the couch.
“I made a different promise last time.” He swallows hard. “You were sleeping, you looked so beautiful, and even though I was filled with euphoria and felt like the luckiest man on the planet because you said ‘yes,’ I couldn’t stop myself from bolting.” He was fidgeting with his fingernails. “Shay, that’s when I realized that I have a problem, a problem that I need to solve before we can be together. I can’t come back to you until I’m whole.”
I roll my eyes, dubious at best. “So are you saying you’re whole now?”
“I don’t know, but what I do know is that you need me now. I’m here for you and I’m going to do my best to be here for you however I can.” He puts his hand under my chin, turning me toward him. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m broken, and I know I’ve broken you. I want to fix it.”
“I needed you when you made all of those empty promises. I haven’t needed you for a long time, and I don’t need you now.” Frankly, this new Aiden is so far removed from the one that I know I can’t help but wonder if I’m having some kind of hallucination. “Aiden, do you really think I’m looking for a knight in shining armor, or anyone for that matter, who can ‘fix’ me?”
“I’m not trying to fix you. I want to help you. But I think you need a different kind of help.” He looks down at his hands, lowering his voice. “I think you need professional help.”
Whoa, what? He’s the last person I need mental hygiene tips from. “Are you saying you want me to see a shrink?”
“Yes, I do.” He nearly breaks under the sadness.
“So you think I’m crazy?” My lips pull to the side in disbelief.
“Shay, you haven’t been acting like yourself. And now with all of this, I’m afraid you’re losing it.” He slides off the couch to kneel in front of me. “You are acting irrationally, attacking people, and there’s that comic, and just…”
He can’t find the words to complete his thought and I have no interest in giving him the time to do so. “I definitely have some weird shit that’s going on, but I also have things going on that you wouldn’t understand.” Which sounds bad in this context, but with all of the resolve I have left I make the words burn on my lips hard and slow. “Maybe if you had been around for the last year and a half you would realize that this is who I am. I don’t need you, I don’t need Eli. I’ve been doing just fine on my own without either of you.” My stare penetrates him with an anger that could melt wax.
His gaze drops to the floor; I think he says something but I can only hear a soft jumble of words.
“I can’t hear you,” I snap.
“ I need you . I’ve always needed you.” His chest expands with a deep breath. “And now that you don’t need me I’m scared.”
Am I supposed to feel bad for him? Because I really don’t, and I don’t feel guilty for being who I am, that’s bullshit. I think of how many nights, weeks, and months I’ve pined away for him, wondering what was wrong
“I don’t have any expectations. If you want to go you can, I’m going to be fine. Remember, I bounce!” I smile but I can’t hide the sadness in my eyes. I want to give him every out I can.
“I don’t want to leave. I never want to leave, I just can’t...couldn’t stop myself.” Aiden confesses. I’m astounded—I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “That’s why I stayed away for so long this time, because I made a promise to you the last night we were together before I left.”
It is incredibly difficult for me to not be angry with him picking at the scabbed wound of his last betrayal. Just having tried to claw his face off is the only thing that is saving him from some choice words. “The same promise you always make right before you leave.” I turn away from him, facing forward on the couch.
“I made a different promise last time.” He swallows hard. “You were sleeping, you looked so beautiful, and even though I was filled with euphoria and felt like the luckiest man on the planet because you said ‘yes,’ I couldn’t stop myself from bolting.” He was fidgeting with his fingernails. “Shay, that’s when I realized that I have a problem, a problem that I need to solve before we can be together. I can’t come back to you until I’m whole.”
I roll my eyes, dubious at best. “So are you saying you’re whole now?”
“I don’t know, but what I do know is that you need me now. I’m here for you and I’m going to do my best to be here for you however I can.” He puts his hand under my chin, turning me toward him. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m broken, and I know I’ve broken you. I want to fix it.”
“I needed you when you made all of those empty promises. I haven’t needed you for a long time, and I don’t need you now.” Frankly, this new Aiden is so far removed from the one that I know I can’t help but wonder if I’m having some kind of hallucination. “Aiden, do you really think I’m looking for a knight in shining armor, or anyone for that matter, who can ‘fix’ me?”
“I’m not trying to fix you. I want to help you. But I think you need a different kind of help.” He looks down at his hands, lowering his voice. “I think you need professional help.”
Whoa, what? He’s the last person I need mental hygiene tips from. “Are you saying you want me to see a shrink?”
“Yes, I do.” He nearly breaks under the sadness.
“So you think I’m crazy?” My lips pull to the side in disbelief.
“Shay, you haven’t been acting like yourself. And now with all of this, I’m afraid you’re losing it.” He slides off the couch to kneel in front of me. “You are acting irrationally, attacking people, and there’s that comic, and just…”
He can’t find the words to complete his thought and I have no interest in giving him the time to do so. “I definitely have some weird shit that’s going on, but I also have things going on that you wouldn’t understand.” Which sounds bad in this context, but with all of the resolve I have left I make the words burn on my lips hard and slow. “Maybe if you had been around for the last year and a half you would realize that this is who I am. I don’t need you, I don’t need Eli. I’ve been doing just fine on my own without either of you.” My stare penetrates him with an anger that could melt wax.
His gaze drops to the floor; I think he says something but I can only hear a soft jumble of words.
“I can’t hear you,” I snap.
“ I need you . I’ve always needed you.” His chest expands with a deep breath. “And now that you don’t need me I’m scared.”
Am I supposed to feel bad for him? Because I really don’t, and I don’t feel guilty for being who I am, that’s bullshit. I think of how many nights, weeks, and months I’ve pined away for him, wondering what was wrong
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