Infraction by K. I. Lynn Page A

and a vein on his temple throbbed as he ground his teeth
     together loud enough I could hear it. He seemed to be holding his breath, as well.
    “It’s okay, Nathan. Sex is a part of your makeup as a man, and it’s your way of feeling
     close to Lila, but it isn’t fair of you to not tell her you’re upset before you take
     her that way. It’s obvious she wants to help you, and she has no problem giving herself
     to you to make you feel better, but it will help both of you much more if she understands
     it’s an outlet for you, a form of therapy. A way to feel connected. It can be a tremendous
     help in healing you both, but it has to be done with respect, and that means telling
     the other partner you feel hurt or scared, and need them to reciprocate by being affectionate
     or sexual. You might even find it’s some of the best sex you’ve ever had, even more
     so than makeup sex after a fight.” Darren smiled with a warmth that reflected his
     respect and friendship with Nathan.
    Nathan grinned, and I blushed. There was no arguing with that statement. It was some
     of the best sex when one of us was reaching out with our body to feel okay inside.
    “After you’re done connecting that way though, in order for it to help and be healing,
     you have to then talk about what you felt hurt about. I think you’ll be amazed to
     find that after sex your head is clearer and you can make better sense of your feelings.
     You feel relaxed and trusting of your partner as you’re lying there in each other’s
     arms.”
    Nathan opened his mouth to speak but thought better of it and closed it. “I…that’s
     when I feel the most open to speaking, but I know Lila’s not always comfortable sharing
     what happened to her. I don’t want to force her.”
    “You won’t have to. If you open up first and make the first move to be vulnerable,
     you’ll find Lila will do it on instinct. It’s how this works. You give first, Nathan,
     because you left her, and you’ll find she’ll begin to trust you again.” Darren looked
     at me to make sure I was okay. I hadn’t realized a few tears had slipped down my cheeks.
    I was desperate to believe Darren, but I was skeptical. Was it that easy?
    Darren focused on me, his brow crinkled and there was a look of concern in his eyes.
     “What’s going on? Can you tell me what you’re thinking?”
    “No one ever held me when I was sad or hurt. When Nathan does that after we’ve been
     in bed together, sometimes I feel worse, not better.” I felt like shit for saying
     that, but I had to be honest if we were going to get anywhere.
    Nathan’s face fell. “I think I knew that.” His grip loosened on my hand and began
     to pull away. I gripped it hard, to let him know this wasn’t a rejection, and it was
     me begging for help.
    “I don’t know what to do about that. I want to change, I do, but this is who I am,
     who I’ve been for so long. I don’t know any other way to be,” I cried.
    Darren stood up and gave me a patient look. “That’s true; this is who you’ve become
     because you were forced into it. It was survival. But now, we’ve moved past survival.
     If Nathan promises you he won’t leave you again, do you think you’d be more apt to
     not be afraid and to open up a little bit?”
    “I suppose…” I didn’t want to promise anything I couldn’t deliver.
     

     
    A few days after our session was my first follow-up appointment. The doctors said
     my progress was going well, and I was able to have my stitches removed. It would still
     be another week before I would be allowed to use the crutches and even then only part
     of the time to start. They wanted to make sure my bruised ribs were healed before
     I exerted myself too much.
    While it had been Sarah who took me to the hospital for my appointment, it was Nathan
     who took me home. With prescriptions already digitally en route, we drove to the drugstore
     that wasn’t far from our building.
    “I’ll be