*
The key to talking to the dead is to understand that the dead don’t talk and can say anything you want them to. To be an effective medium, one must master the art of talking without speaking.
‘There is somebody here who wants to talk to you,’ you’ll tell them. ‘I’m sensing the smell of smoke, maybe? And the ocean, or some body of water. I’m getting a letter G, or it could be an O? And I’m seeing people who are playing some sort of game? They’re running… and…?’
‘Soccer?’ they’ll chime in. ‘I had a grandfather named Oscar who liked to watch soccer.’
‘That’s it. Oscar is here. Your grandfather says not to worry. He wants you to…’ bibbity beep bop boop.
Understand that they want to believe this and as long as you present it with confidence, they will. They’ll even forget you mentioned smoke and the ocean.
By doing this, you are not just making money, you are giving peace of mind to those who suffer.
My work impacts the world in a positive way.
You can learn this skill easily. Next time you meet someone, stop talking about yourself. Ask them questions and really listen to the answers. Observe their t-shirt and tattoos and wedding ring and ask them questions. People love to talk about themselves and we don’t notice it because we’re people ourselves. We have trouble shutting up and listening. But practice it. Start listening. Give it fifteen minutes and you’ll know everything there is to know about this person and they won’t know a thing about you. You’ll feel like you have a superpower.
If you want to make them feel better by channeling dead friends and relatives, more than anything it’s about listening. If a client says the dead person was shy, or crass, or yelled a lot, they’re doing your work for you. Play the character. Improv is about saying ‘Yes, and…’
Be positive. If Mom was always disappointed, tell Claire that Mom regrets it. Tell her Mom was very proud of Claire but she didn’t show it well and she wishes she had. Bibbity beep bop boop.
In my experience, Claire sometimes sucks your prick that night. In sales they call that a spiff.
Take an improv class if you need to. Or make crank phone calls. I’m telling you how to do this because nobody else will.
I benefit the world by being open about my experiences.
Give them what they want. If they come out of the experience feeling better, they’ll come back. Leave them with a good feeling, but be wary of closure. Too much closure and they won’t come back. Don’t make it about loved ones saying goodbye. Make it about loved ones helping. Give them just enough help to last till your next rent payment.
That’s where the self-help books come in. People love empty advice that sounds nice.
‘You’re so busy trying to please everyone that you forget to please yourself,’ you’ll tell them.
‘You have so much love to give.’
‘You’re the only you who’s out there.’
You might as well be saying ‘You are carbon-based,’ but they’ll eat it up because there’s so little optimism left in our culture. Optimism has a bad reputation. In public we feel the need to mock it, but secretly everyone is starved for it.
If they’re regulars, you can let them have a bad time now and then. They’re not going to bail on you for one bad session, and you might find they come back faster and more desperate trying to resolve whatever problem you manufactured for them. If nothing else, it’ll stop them thinking you’re just telling them what they want to hear.
Mostly it’s women. Either they’re more superstitious than men, or they can tell I’m good in bed. Maybe a combination of the two.
The amount of money you can charge is dependent primarily on how nice your office is. The number of clients who let you fuck them is dependent primarily on how sensitive you seem. In my case I charge a hundred thirty-five for a thirty-minute reading and fuck two out of five of my regulars.
I am doing work
The key to talking to the dead is to understand that the dead don’t talk and can say anything you want them to. To be an effective medium, one must master the art of talking without speaking.
‘There is somebody here who wants to talk to you,’ you’ll tell them. ‘I’m sensing the smell of smoke, maybe? And the ocean, or some body of water. I’m getting a letter G, or it could be an O? And I’m seeing people who are playing some sort of game? They’re running… and…?’
‘Soccer?’ they’ll chime in. ‘I had a grandfather named Oscar who liked to watch soccer.’
‘That’s it. Oscar is here. Your grandfather says not to worry. He wants you to…’ bibbity beep bop boop.
Understand that they want to believe this and as long as you present it with confidence, they will. They’ll even forget you mentioned smoke and the ocean.
By doing this, you are not just making money, you are giving peace of mind to those who suffer.
My work impacts the world in a positive way.
You can learn this skill easily. Next time you meet someone, stop talking about yourself. Ask them questions and really listen to the answers. Observe their t-shirt and tattoos and wedding ring and ask them questions. People love to talk about themselves and we don’t notice it because we’re people ourselves. We have trouble shutting up and listening. But practice it. Start listening. Give it fifteen minutes and you’ll know everything there is to know about this person and they won’t know a thing about you. You’ll feel like you have a superpower.
If you want to make them feel better by channeling dead friends and relatives, more than anything it’s about listening. If a client says the dead person was shy, or crass, or yelled a lot, they’re doing your work for you. Play the character. Improv is about saying ‘Yes, and…’
Be positive. If Mom was always disappointed, tell Claire that Mom regrets it. Tell her Mom was very proud of Claire but she didn’t show it well and she wishes she had. Bibbity beep bop boop.
In my experience, Claire sometimes sucks your prick that night. In sales they call that a spiff.
Take an improv class if you need to. Or make crank phone calls. I’m telling you how to do this because nobody else will.
I benefit the world by being open about my experiences.
Give them what they want. If they come out of the experience feeling better, they’ll come back. Leave them with a good feeling, but be wary of closure. Too much closure and they won’t come back. Don’t make it about loved ones saying goodbye. Make it about loved ones helping. Give them just enough help to last till your next rent payment.
That’s where the self-help books come in. People love empty advice that sounds nice.
‘You’re so busy trying to please everyone that you forget to please yourself,’ you’ll tell them.
‘You have so much love to give.’
‘You’re the only you who’s out there.’
You might as well be saying ‘You are carbon-based,’ but they’ll eat it up because there’s so little optimism left in our culture. Optimism has a bad reputation. In public we feel the need to mock it, but secretly everyone is starved for it.
If they’re regulars, you can let them have a bad time now and then. They’re not going to bail on you for one bad session, and you might find they come back faster and more desperate trying to resolve whatever problem you manufactured for them. If nothing else, it’ll stop them thinking you’re just telling them what they want to hear.
Mostly it’s women. Either they’re more superstitious than men, or they can tell I’m good in bed. Maybe a combination of the two.
The amount of money you can charge is dependent primarily on how nice your office is. The number of clients who let you fuck them is dependent primarily on how sensitive you seem. In my case I charge a hundred thirty-five for a thirty-minute reading and fuck two out of five of my regulars.
I am doing work
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