either.”
“You want to know why I chose you to lose my virginity with, don’t you?” she sighed.
“That would be a start.”
“I understand that no one expects a woman of my age to still be a virgin. I’ve dated plenty and no one knew or if they did, they never said anything. I had come close a few times; I just knew, in my heart, it wasn’t the right person. With you, something clicked, Mark. I knew after our first date that there was just something about you that made me feel completely comfortable. I was really attracted to you, too. You embodied the type of guy I was looking for. I was…I am , in a bad place right now. I needed the comfort, as well. I needed to feel loved…I needed to be held, kissed.” She took his hand. “I needed to be made love to and despite what happened afterward, it was perfect, Mark.”
Mark was quiet as he listened to her. She watched him rub his chin, and looked at her thoughtfully.
“OK, so you’ve answered ‘why me?’, but what about everything else, Bijou? What exactly was going on with your sister?”
“No one really knows, to be quite honest.” Bijou looked up at the ceiling then back down. “She was very smart and functional but there was a side to her that was self-destructive. She had plenty of Southern charm when she wanted to, but the paranoia…Jesus. That’s the best way I can describe it. I watched over her, I had to. Then, she met her fiancé and she seemed to really calm down. All she wanted was love, just like everyone else. She went to the doctor and he told her she was stressed out.” She sighed. “He put her on this medicine, and whatever it was, it really did seem to help. We always argued less when she took her medicine and she got her job, then met her fiancé. When she got off the medicine, the shit would hit the fan again. It was always something.” She waved her hand. “Please don’t say anything bad about her…”
“A little part of you was relieved when she died; that is what this is really about, the guilt.” Mark blurted. “You were relieved because then, you could finally breath!”
“What?”
“Look Bijou, we are done playing games, do you hear me? I’m in the grief and guilt business! Did you forget that? The worse the grief, the more the guilt! The bigger the guilt, the more lavish the casket! You stood there at that funeral, not saying one stinking word. You didn’t show any emotion because you were already drained and a little part of you felt like shit for knowing you were finally free. I know exactly what happened here. You – ”
“That is not – ”
“Just stop it!” He grimaced and reached out to her, pulled her close. “You don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you feel and you need to be done, completely finished feeling sorry about it. If we are going to get through this, you have to come clean to yourself. You don’t owe me or anyone else an explanation for this, but you better tell the truth to yourself! She took you through hell, and you are still standing here defending her after trying to split us up. We’re done leaving this in your hands. You’re finished fighting alone.” He took her hand, and pulled her with him towards the front door. “Now let’s go, your aunt is waiting.”
* * *
“Yes, she did.”
Clarabelle laughed as she moved her wide, floral print covered hips in her crowded kitchen. The yellow wallpaper with illustrations of old-fashioned flour and sugar bags aided in the room’s congested feeling. Not one spot of counter space was available, regardless of the neatly organized and stacked bottles of unknown powders and ointments. Her dark auburn and silver hair was tied up in plaits and partially covered with a dark red silk scarf.
“Your mother married into our family not knowin’ what she was getting’ into.” The heavy-set, attractive woman laughed. She was at least seventy, but looked to be in her sixties with not one wrinkle on her
“You want to know why I chose you to lose my virginity with, don’t you?” she sighed.
“That would be a start.”
“I understand that no one expects a woman of my age to still be a virgin. I’ve dated plenty and no one knew or if they did, they never said anything. I had come close a few times; I just knew, in my heart, it wasn’t the right person. With you, something clicked, Mark. I knew after our first date that there was just something about you that made me feel completely comfortable. I was really attracted to you, too. You embodied the type of guy I was looking for. I was…I am , in a bad place right now. I needed the comfort, as well. I needed to feel loved…I needed to be held, kissed.” She took his hand. “I needed to be made love to and despite what happened afterward, it was perfect, Mark.”
Mark was quiet as he listened to her. She watched him rub his chin, and looked at her thoughtfully.
“OK, so you’ve answered ‘why me?’, but what about everything else, Bijou? What exactly was going on with your sister?”
“No one really knows, to be quite honest.” Bijou looked up at the ceiling then back down. “She was very smart and functional but there was a side to her that was self-destructive. She had plenty of Southern charm when she wanted to, but the paranoia…Jesus. That’s the best way I can describe it. I watched over her, I had to. Then, she met her fiancé and she seemed to really calm down. All she wanted was love, just like everyone else. She went to the doctor and he told her she was stressed out.” She sighed. “He put her on this medicine, and whatever it was, it really did seem to help. We always argued less when she took her medicine and she got her job, then met her fiancé. When she got off the medicine, the shit would hit the fan again. It was always something.” She waved her hand. “Please don’t say anything bad about her…”
“A little part of you was relieved when she died; that is what this is really about, the guilt.” Mark blurted. “You were relieved because then, you could finally breath!”
“What?”
“Look Bijou, we are done playing games, do you hear me? I’m in the grief and guilt business! Did you forget that? The worse the grief, the more the guilt! The bigger the guilt, the more lavish the casket! You stood there at that funeral, not saying one stinking word. You didn’t show any emotion because you were already drained and a little part of you felt like shit for knowing you were finally free. I know exactly what happened here. You – ”
“That is not – ”
“Just stop it!” He grimaced and reached out to her, pulled her close. “You don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you feel and you need to be done, completely finished feeling sorry about it. If we are going to get through this, you have to come clean to yourself. You don’t owe me or anyone else an explanation for this, but you better tell the truth to yourself! She took you through hell, and you are still standing here defending her after trying to split us up. We’re done leaving this in your hands. You’re finished fighting alone.” He took her hand, and pulled her with him towards the front door. “Now let’s go, your aunt is waiting.”
* * *
“Yes, she did.”
Clarabelle laughed as she moved her wide, floral print covered hips in her crowded kitchen. The yellow wallpaper with illustrations of old-fashioned flour and sugar bags aided in the room’s congested feeling. Not one spot of counter space was available, regardless of the neatly organized and stacked bottles of unknown powders and ointments. Her dark auburn and silver hair was tied up in plaits and partially covered with a dark red silk scarf.
“Your mother married into our family not knowin’ what she was getting’ into.” The heavy-set, attractive woman laughed. She was at least seventy, but looked to be in her sixties with not one wrinkle on her
Similar Books
