CHAPTER 1
The old year’s death is on the wind. Change is coming, I can feel it like an ache in my bones. Colorful fireworks explode above my head in a shower of sparks as I watch from the hood of my beater car. It’s New Year’s Eve, and my friend Kate is having a casual party at her parents’ house. The lawn is covered with other cars and people watching the private show.
The desert chill has taken over, but my anxiety is keeping me warm. I shift on the hood and sit up. Where is Braden? He was supposed to be here a while ago. I slide my phone out and check the screen in case I somehow managed to miss a text alert. Nothing. Another firework blasts above me with a sizzle of golden glitter.
Before winter break started, I found out that I’m being put on academic probation. My boyfriend doesn’t know yet and I don’t know how to tell him. We’ve been dating for nearly a year, but the last few months we’ve fought more than we’ve got along.
Every day that passes, the idea of confessing this to him gets harder. I know he’ll be full of criticism. To make matters worse, last night my employer at the grocery store where I work cut my hours down to only 10 a week. I have no idea how I’ll pay my bills.
I’ve been trying to compose a script and figure out a perfect time to tell Braden—but I’m only getting more and more anxious.
I can’t take waiting anymore. I hop off of the car hood and cross the lawn up to the sprawling house, weaving around the other parked cars as the fireworks continue to pop and sizzle.
A group of our casual acquaintances from school are clustered in the kitchen, talking and sharing drinks.
“Hey, has anyone seen Braden?” I ask them, and a few people shake their heads.
Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Kate tonight, either.
An anxious feeling snakes through my stomach—nausea mixed with nerves. I head up the stairs and toward Kate’s old room at the end of the hall. Maybe she’ll have an idea. I reach to knock, but my fist hovers in the air when I hear loud moans and squeaking bedsprings. My heart flutters unevenly, and I listen. A muttered curse escapes through the door. It sounds like Braden’s voice.
I push the door open, feeling like my head is floating in space. My eyes must be lying, because I can’t be seeing what they’re telling me I’m seeing. Braden is on top of Kate, pounding his naked pelvis into hers, his toned buttocks clenching and unclenching as he pistons in and out of her. Kate is breathing huskily, digging her feet into the back of his thighs. My skin flames hot and a fire burns inside me, spiraling up into my chest.
This can’t be real. It can’t be.
Braden pulls back, gazes down at Kate, then leans in for a kiss. It’s the kiss that unravels me. I crash back to reality in a blaze of rage.
My hands shake and the pressure squeezes inside my chest. “How could you?” I shout.
Braden whips his head around, then jumps off of Kate, tugging the sheet with him to wrap around his naked waist. Kate yelps in protest as he almost yanks her off the bed.
“This isn’t—this isn’t what it looks like, Iris!” he protests. His face is bright red.
I laugh darkly. “Really? It looks like you were fucking my friend. I don’t really know how you can fake that.”
He runs one shaking hand through his hair, then almost drops the sheet, but catches it and wraps it around himself again. I don’t know why he’s worried about his modesty now.
Kate finds her shirt from the floor and tugs it over her head. “I thought the door was locked,” she says mournfully to Braden.
No apologies. Only regrets that they got caught.
The fire morphs into a powerful sensation of pressure and shoots out of my chest and down to my fingertips. I lose control over my hands as my arms shoot up. Scalding heat twists through the tissues and tendons. My fingers splay and I flex muscles I didn’t know existed. The pressure releases out of my hands and a tornado erupts
The old year’s death is on the wind. Change is coming, I can feel it like an ache in my bones. Colorful fireworks explode above my head in a shower of sparks as I watch from the hood of my beater car. It’s New Year’s Eve, and my friend Kate is having a casual party at her parents’ house. The lawn is covered with other cars and people watching the private show.
The desert chill has taken over, but my anxiety is keeping me warm. I shift on the hood and sit up. Where is Braden? He was supposed to be here a while ago. I slide my phone out and check the screen in case I somehow managed to miss a text alert. Nothing. Another firework blasts above me with a sizzle of golden glitter.
Before winter break started, I found out that I’m being put on academic probation. My boyfriend doesn’t know yet and I don’t know how to tell him. We’ve been dating for nearly a year, but the last few months we’ve fought more than we’ve got along.
Every day that passes, the idea of confessing this to him gets harder. I know he’ll be full of criticism. To make matters worse, last night my employer at the grocery store where I work cut my hours down to only 10 a week. I have no idea how I’ll pay my bills.
I’ve been trying to compose a script and figure out a perfect time to tell Braden—but I’m only getting more and more anxious.
I can’t take waiting anymore. I hop off of the car hood and cross the lawn up to the sprawling house, weaving around the other parked cars as the fireworks continue to pop and sizzle.
A group of our casual acquaintances from school are clustered in the kitchen, talking and sharing drinks.
“Hey, has anyone seen Braden?” I ask them, and a few people shake their heads.
Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Kate tonight, either.
An anxious feeling snakes through my stomach—nausea mixed with nerves. I head up the stairs and toward Kate’s old room at the end of the hall. Maybe she’ll have an idea. I reach to knock, but my fist hovers in the air when I hear loud moans and squeaking bedsprings. My heart flutters unevenly, and I listen. A muttered curse escapes through the door. It sounds like Braden’s voice.
I push the door open, feeling like my head is floating in space. My eyes must be lying, because I can’t be seeing what they’re telling me I’m seeing. Braden is on top of Kate, pounding his naked pelvis into hers, his toned buttocks clenching and unclenching as he pistons in and out of her. Kate is breathing huskily, digging her feet into the back of his thighs. My skin flames hot and a fire burns inside me, spiraling up into my chest.
This can’t be real. It can’t be.
Braden pulls back, gazes down at Kate, then leans in for a kiss. It’s the kiss that unravels me. I crash back to reality in a blaze of rage.
My hands shake and the pressure squeezes inside my chest. “How could you?” I shout.
Braden whips his head around, then jumps off of Kate, tugging the sheet with him to wrap around his naked waist. Kate yelps in protest as he almost yanks her off the bed.
“This isn’t—this isn’t what it looks like, Iris!” he protests. His face is bright red.
I laugh darkly. “Really? It looks like you were fucking my friend. I don’t really know how you can fake that.”
He runs one shaking hand through his hair, then almost drops the sheet, but catches it and wraps it around himself again. I don’t know why he’s worried about his modesty now.
Kate finds her shirt from the floor and tugs it over her head. “I thought the door was locked,” she says mournfully to Braden.
No apologies. Only regrets that they got caught.
The fire morphs into a powerful sensation of pressure and shoots out of my chest and down to my fingertips. I lose control over my hands as my arms shoot up. Scalding heat twists through the tissues and tendons. My fingers splay and I flex muscles I didn’t know existed. The pressure releases out of my hands and a tornado erupts
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