organizer, even the audienceâbut no one said a word. The guy had a stripper on his lap, and he seemed to be totally comfortable with telling the comic onstage to mind his own business. From the way he was dressed, we were certain this guy was capable of busting a cap in somebodyâs ass.
A few of the people I had invited were shooting me stink eyesâwhat kind of a place had I invited them to? I shrugged. A typical selfish comedian, I was just relieved that this wasnât happening during my set. Fortunately, the booker had scheduledme last to hold my audience hostage and have them watch all the other comics. I guess he figured we Persians had held Americans hostage for 444 days, so he could at least hold a bunch of Persians hostage for two hours. It only seemed fair. By the time I got up I looked out at the audience and saw a bunch of familiar faces bored to death and kicking themselves for having come out to see me.
âI told you guys not to come,â I wanted to holler. âItâs not my fault you canât keep a secret.â It was all I could do to shout my jokes so that those sitting in the rear could hear. And I was working faster than I wanted to, just in case the gangbanger brought another stripper in for a second conversation. When I finished, my friends rushed out quickly, issuing me polite smiles of pity. Some of them still havenât come back to see me perform. If any of you are reading this, please come back and give me one more shot. I promiseâno strippers, no gangbangers, no bad jokes. But thereâs still a two-drink minimum.
Persian Blackface
The biggest break I got in my early stand-up career was becoming a regular at the Comedy Store. Being a regular means that you have performed in front of the owner of the club and she has approved you. Itâs a great honor and every struggling comedian wants to be a regular at all the big clubs. The Comedy Store in Los Angeles was, and is, one of the biggest clubs in the world. The owner, Mitzi Shore, who is Pauly Shoreâs mother, is a comedy legend. Her club has had a hand in developing the acts of Jay Leno, David Letterman, Robin Williams, Jim Carrey, Sam Kinison, Roseanne Barr, Andrew Dice Clay, and many more. It was the Comedy Store where Richard Pryor made a comeback later in his life and EddieMurphy would perform at the peak of his stand-up career. Even today you will see some of the hottest comedians stopping by to work out material. Sometimes itâs Chris Rock, sometimes Dave Chappelle, Louis C.K.âthe list goes on.
I first auditioned for Mitzi in 1999. At the time, a lot of my material was about being Iranian. There wasnât anyone else doing that material back then, so I stood out to her. After I performed three minutes one Sunday night, Mitzi told me to return the following week and do six minutes. I returned, did my six, and was told to return and do ten minutes. This was how you became a regular, with this painstakingly slow process that caused anxiety and crippling ulcers. Finally the day came for me to do my ten minutes in front of her. If I passed this obstacle I would be a regular.
Mitzi used to sit in the back seat next to the exit and watch the shows. If she liked you after your third audition she would grab your arm as you walked past, pull you in, and tell you that you were a regular. If she didnât like you, she would just ignore you as you passed. This was brutal. You wanted to make eye contact in the hope she would smile and pull you in, but you didnât want to make too much eye contact and seem presumptuous. You had to find a way to balance your anxiety for acceptance with a fake humility. It was like being in the fourth grade waiting to be picked for a kickball team. You hoped to hear your name but didnât want to seem too anxious in case your name was called last.
I did my ten minutes in front of Mitzi and it felt good. As I walked the thirty feet from the stage to the
A few of the people I had invited were shooting me stink eyesâwhat kind of a place had I invited them to? I shrugged. A typical selfish comedian, I was just relieved that this wasnât happening during my set. Fortunately, the booker had scheduledme last to hold my audience hostage and have them watch all the other comics. I guess he figured we Persians had held Americans hostage for 444 days, so he could at least hold a bunch of Persians hostage for two hours. It only seemed fair. By the time I got up I looked out at the audience and saw a bunch of familiar faces bored to death and kicking themselves for having come out to see me.
âI told you guys not to come,â I wanted to holler. âItâs not my fault you canât keep a secret.â It was all I could do to shout my jokes so that those sitting in the rear could hear. And I was working faster than I wanted to, just in case the gangbanger brought another stripper in for a second conversation. When I finished, my friends rushed out quickly, issuing me polite smiles of pity. Some of them still havenât come back to see me perform. If any of you are reading this, please come back and give me one more shot. I promiseâno strippers, no gangbangers, no bad jokes. But thereâs still a two-drink minimum.
Persian Blackface
The biggest break I got in my early stand-up career was becoming a regular at the Comedy Store. Being a regular means that you have performed in front of the owner of the club and she has approved you. Itâs a great honor and every struggling comedian wants to be a regular at all the big clubs. The Comedy Store in Los Angeles was, and is, one of the biggest clubs in the world. The owner, Mitzi Shore, who is Pauly Shoreâs mother, is a comedy legend. Her club has had a hand in developing the acts of Jay Leno, David Letterman, Robin Williams, Jim Carrey, Sam Kinison, Roseanne Barr, Andrew Dice Clay, and many more. It was the Comedy Store where Richard Pryor made a comeback later in his life and EddieMurphy would perform at the peak of his stand-up career. Even today you will see some of the hottest comedians stopping by to work out material. Sometimes itâs Chris Rock, sometimes Dave Chappelle, Louis C.K.âthe list goes on.
I first auditioned for Mitzi in 1999. At the time, a lot of my material was about being Iranian. There wasnât anyone else doing that material back then, so I stood out to her. After I performed three minutes one Sunday night, Mitzi told me to return the following week and do six minutes. I returned, did my six, and was told to return and do ten minutes. This was how you became a regular, with this painstakingly slow process that caused anxiety and crippling ulcers. Finally the day came for me to do my ten minutes in front of her. If I passed this obstacle I would be a regular.
Mitzi used to sit in the back seat next to the exit and watch the shows. If she liked you after your third audition she would grab your arm as you walked past, pull you in, and tell you that you were a regular. If she didnât like you, she would just ignore you as you passed. This was brutal. You wanted to make eye contact in the hope she would smile and pull you in, but you didnât want to make too much eye contact and seem presumptuous. You had to find a way to balance your anxiety for acceptance with a fake humility. It was like being in the fourth grade waiting to be picked for a kickball team. You hoped to hear your name but didnât want to seem too anxious in case your name was called last.
I did my ten minutes in front of Mitzi and it felt good. As I walked the thirty feet from the stage to the
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