If Only by A. J. Pine Page A

sure as hell didn’t promise him anything beyond whatever we have. But he turns down phone numbers and kisses me with a tenderness I don’t deserve if I can’t return it. Because I do want more, so much more. But I keep looking for it in the wrong places.
    I grab a drink napkin from the bar and reach into Elaina’s apron pocket.
    “Why are you touching me on my lady parts?” She waggles her brow. “Is this why you do not want the pretty American boy?”
    I bite the cap off the pen and scribble today’s date on the napkin along with Griffin’s name. This is my reminder for tomorrow, to immortalize tonight in words, the night I started looking in the right place.
    I cap the pen and shove it back in her apron. “Don’t get me wrong, roomie. Your exotic European beauty does not escape me, but I don’t play for your team. And neither do you.”
    She sighs. “This is true, but that does not mean I have to kiss the boy who wears the kilt, does it?”
    I squeeze her cheeks, mimicking her study of my face. “You did say maybe. But this…” I wave the napkin in the air. “This spells good-bye to maybe.” I let go of her face and fold the napkin, placing it in my back pocket. “Tonight I give Griffin something more.”
    My proclamation fills me with adrenaline. All that matters is right now.
    I put in my order for four snakebites and borrow a drink tray to bring them back to the table, but not before leaving Elaina a huge tip. She gives me a smug look and a reminder that our walls are paper thin.
    My restaurant serving skills kick in as I raise the tray above the crowd, weaving my way back to our table. My eyes are on the prize, the table’s surface and trying to gingerly set the tray down, so I don’t immediately notice that the table’s number of residents has grown. By two. Noah and Hailey snuggle on the end opposite Griffin. She pulls away. No, scratch that. Her lips unlock from his, and he smiles. I stand frozen.
    The drinks. Did I put down the drinks? My confusion replaces horror as I look for the tray of drinks. Arms reach around me from behind. The air fills with the scent of whisky…and apples.
    “Thanks for getting the drinks.” Griffin. While one arm stays wrapped around my midsection, the other stretches in front of me where the drinks, still on the tray, sit safely on the table.
    Both Noah and Hailey face me, and I turn around, still in Griffin’s embrace, clasping my hands behind his neck. I kiss him hard, maybe too hard, because he stumbles back a foot or two.
    “I missed you, too,” he teases with a laugh.
    It’s time to stop holding back, to stop playing it safe. If I close the distance between me and Griffin, not just the mental but the physical, too, then there won’t be a place left for Noah to fill. And whatever hold he has on me will be released.
    Griffin kisses me again, and I smile against his lips. Can he feel it, too, that everything will be different after tonight? I remind myself, though, that we’re in public, and I can’t keep kissing him even if it is a brilliant excuse not to join the rest of the party. This means I have to turn back around. When I do, Hailey beams, as always. Her blond hair cascades over her shoulders onto a fitted black sweater. I force a grin, hoping my expression belies the ache in my chest. I can’t help but shift my eyes to Noah, who looks past me to Griffin, reaching an arm across the table to shake his hand.
    “Hey man,” Griffin says. “Glad you guys could make it.” Griffin and I lower ourselves into the booth on the other end. He looks down at Noah’s palm, still covered with a bandage, but not the mustache one I gave him. This one is plain, flesh colored, and much bigger, covering the wound better than mine did. And, thankfully, he’s no longer bleeding.
    “What’d you do?”
    At this, Noah’s eyes meet mine, and the memory of cold water running over our intertwined hands sends shivers down to my toes. I bolted from this feeling only