If at Birth You Don't Succeed by Zach Anner

lunch with their family and saw someone in a wheelchair who was severely disabled, and their first thought was not one of pity but of recognition , Oh, sexiest of the palsies! This guy was able to see a person in vastly different circumstances than his own and feel an instant sense of familiarity, like that person was somebody he could imagine grabbing a beer with.
    One of the reasons Oprah is the best interviewer in the world is because she’s able to make whoever is sitting across from her feel like they’ve met a new best friend. When Oprah and I hugged good-bye, I left knowing that I’d made an impression, but I thought it was along the lines of Someday I’d like to have this young man over to my house and we’ll split a quesadilla! I’d felt we’d shared a moment of mutual understanding, but when I watched the episode months later, I was surprised to see that after our brief encounter, when they cut back to Oprah for commentary on our exchange, she was in tears. “Zach makes you want to be a better person, with his humor and his heart, and everything he’s had to deal with from the time he was born. I’ve never met anyone like him, and I’ve met a lot of people.”
    On the one hand, that’s one of the nicest things that anybody has ever said about me, especially from a person who has interviewed so many of the world’s most extraordinary people. On the other, I couldn’t help but feel that this emotional response was at least in part due to an assumption that I had it a lot tougher than I actually did. Here was an African American woman born in 1950s Mississippi who had elevated herself to become one of the most influential and powerful voices in the world. I, on the other hand, have all the privileges afforded to every white, middle-class American male. On top of that, I have a loving family who has supported me in almost every endeavor I’ve undertaken. My single disadvantage is that I was born with cerebral palsy.
    I couldn’t help that. Instead of fighting against it, I worked with everything I had in my personal arsenal: humor, intelligence, empathy, curiosity, creativity, and hotness. Funneled through all those positive traits, my wheelchair and my diagnosis became tools rather than obstacles. I apply them when they can make my work better and try to check them at the door otherwise. They get in my way sometimes, but they also pave it. So when I’m sitting across from Oprah, or anyone else, my goal is to be seen not as someone who is forced to sit down, but rather as someone who chose to stand up. To me, that’s putting the person first.
    Oh, and for the record, Oprah smells lovely.

 
    CHAPTER 6
    How to Lose a Television Show
    When I met Kristina Kuzmic we couldn’t say a word to each other. If we had talked, there was the risk that either one of us could be sued for five million dollars. That’s the kind of contract you enter into when you agree to be on a reality show. So the bubbly, curly-haired, fresh-faced girl could only be referred to as her initials because we were forbidden to officially meet until the cameras were rolling. Every detail of K.K. and Z.A.’s lives were a mystery to each other. The first thing I noticed about her was that at the mere mention of chocolate she would have what could only be described as an orgasmic response. I had a pretty good inkling that we’d be friends, because I also climax when presented with M&M’s. The second thing I noticed was her perfect, beaming smile, which immediately made me regret that I’d not thought to use white strips before making my debut on national television.
    On each episode of the competition, K.K., Z.A., and the eight other monogrammed contestants faced off on various challenges, and basically whoever screwed up the most would be sent packing. Their final thoughts and regrets would then be played over a walk of shame as they exited OWN studios with