Hannah. You know what it could be like, how empty it has made me. I know what it has been. I know you can be better. You know how I know?"
The same way Quin knew.
"Faith," I said.
She planted a beer-scented kiss on my forehead. "Are you ready to choose?"
The house with the many windows is gone. So are the people.
Diya has taken my hand and we are running, together, on sand. Our bare feet are light upon the grains, our movement disturbs nothing.
Sand becomes stone.
And then we reach the edge. Beyond stone there is only air, and a long drop, and water underneath that I can barely even see.
Di ya is a goddess. She is taller here, and her hair is the color of dry leaves, and her voice is like a song.
She is not the goddess whose memories I've been seeing, that much I know.
I also know that we aren't here for the view.
"You're going to jump, aren't you?" I say.
"No," she says, still smiling. "We are."
"You're kidding me."
"This is it, Hannah. This is when you choose."
"I've already chosen."
"You've told yourself that you'll choose it. Now do it already."
"What about you? What happens to you?"
Diya looks up, instead of down, and lets her face bathe in soft sunshine. "I think I will wake up from this finally free to be with the one I choose, and not watch him slip away."
"Or you could die from the fall."
"Do you fear the jump, Hannah?"
"We seem to be really high."
"You think we are. Or you're just trying not to choose again."
I look over the edge and something sparkles up at me from the darkness below.
"I'm here," I say, tentatively, to the abyss.
I think of not jumping, knowing that it will free me from Vida and the burden of everyone's problems. That would be the easy way out.
I think of jumping, knowing that I have so much more work ahead of me, how difficult it could be, and the threats that await.
I try to recall what brought me here.
And yes, it's Quin, because he asked me to do this. But it's also Kathy and Jake and Ian and Carson and Mara and Johnny and Farrah and the now countless others whose hearts I was asked to care for.
Who am I without this?
I start to remember.
Inevitably, I am that eleven-year-old girl on the day that her mother's heart broke.
I accepted the gift then, I just didn't know it.
That is who I am, and when there is no fear or doubt, who I will remain to be.
I am the Goddess of Love.
I will work to be better at this, to deserve the devotion, and no one will be able to take this from me. Vida Castillo can go suck it.
Diya reaches for my hand and I take it. My feet leave the stone first. We jump. And we fall.
Chapter 28
I was disoriented, so I breathed. And it was the wrong thing to do.
There was a bright light over my head. Naturally I thought it was the sun, and that I was back in the world, and yay I survived the abyss!
I was a goddess!
Then water came up my nose.
Mommy! I gasped. Help! And completely human lungs struggled, completely human arms flailed. Completely human panic, in other words.
It was a second, or two, but it felt a zillion times longer, and I wondered if I made the wrong choice.
Ah well.
At least I tried.
I stopped flailing, and just let the sea water take me.
It really is relaxing over here.
It's nice.
I should go out to the beach more often.
I should go to the beach with Robbie.
Or first, apologize to him.
He needs to know that I care. It can't end this way.
Or maybe this is it, and I'll just be here forever.
"You can breathe now."
"I think I shouldn't."
"It's okay. Also you need it."
"Do goddesses need to breathe?"
"Goddesses do whatever they please."
Of course it was Quin. He was holding me in a steady grip, and this alone made me feel safe and okay. I was out of it, mostly, but I made sure this fact would at least register.
He was pulling me back to the shore. It was farther than it looked, but then again I took the fast way down.
"Where is Dia?" was the other thing I made sure to
The same way Quin knew.
"Faith," I said.
She planted a beer-scented kiss on my forehead. "Are you ready to choose?"
The house with the many windows is gone. So are the people.
Diya has taken my hand and we are running, together, on sand. Our bare feet are light upon the grains, our movement disturbs nothing.
Sand becomes stone.
And then we reach the edge. Beyond stone there is only air, and a long drop, and water underneath that I can barely even see.
Di ya is a goddess. She is taller here, and her hair is the color of dry leaves, and her voice is like a song.
She is not the goddess whose memories I've been seeing, that much I know.
I also know that we aren't here for the view.
"You're going to jump, aren't you?" I say.
"No," she says, still smiling. "We are."
"You're kidding me."
"This is it, Hannah. This is when you choose."
"I've already chosen."
"You've told yourself that you'll choose it. Now do it already."
"What about you? What happens to you?"
Diya looks up, instead of down, and lets her face bathe in soft sunshine. "I think I will wake up from this finally free to be with the one I choose, and not watch him slip away."
"Or you could die from the fall."
"Do you fear the jump, Hannah?"
"We seem to be really high."
"You think we are. Or you're just trying not to choose again."
I look over the edge and something sparkles up at me from the darkness below.
"I'm here," I say, tentatively, to the abyss.
I think of not jumping, knowing that it will free me from Vida and the burden of everyone's problems. That would be the easy way out.
I think of jumping, knowing that I have so much more work ahead of me, how difficult it could be, and the threats that await.
I try to recall what brought me here.
And yes, it's Quin, because he asked me to do this. But it's also Kathy and Jake and Ian and Carson and Mara and Johnny and Farrah and the now countless others whose hearts I was asked to care for.
Who am I without this?
I start to remember.
Inevitably, I am that eleven-year-old girl on the day that her mother's heart broke.
I accepted the gift then, I just didn't know it.
That is who I am, and when there is no fear or doubt, who I will remain to be.
I am the Goddess of Love.
I will work to be better at this, to deserve the devotion, and no one will be able to take this from me. Vida Castillo can go suck it.
Diya reaches for my hand and I take it. My feet leave the stone first. We jump. And we fall.
Chapter 28
I was disoriented, so I breathed. And it was the wrong thing to do.
There was a bright light over my head. Naturally I thought it was the sun, and that I was back in the world, and yay I survived the abyss!
I was a goddess!
Then water came up my nose.
Mommy! I gasped. Help! And completely human lungs struggled, completely human arms flailed. Completely human panic, in other words.
It was a second, or two, but it felt a zillion times longer, and I wondered if I made the wrong choice.
Ah well.
At least I tried.
I stopped flailing, and just let the sea water take me.
It really is relaxing over here.
It's nice.
I should go out to the beach more often.
I should go to the beach with Robbie.
Or first, apologize to him.
He needs to know that I care. It can't end this way.
Or maybe this is it, and I'll just be here forever.
"You can breathe now."
"I think I shouldn't."
"It's okay. Also you need it."
"Do goddesses need to breathe?"
"Goddesses do whatever they please."
Of course it was Quin. He was holding me in a steady grip, and this alone made me feel safe and okay. I was out of it, mostly, but I made sure this fact would at least register.
He was pulling me back to the shore. It was farther than it looked, but then again I took the fast way down.
"Where is Dia?" was the other thing I made sure to
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