I Unlove You by Matthew Turner

building some ridiculous
standard that doesn ’ t - and never has -
existed. She worries. Believe me, she worries. Just because she
places them to one side when you suffer doesn't mean she's immune
to it."
    "Joey —“
    "Shut up," he says, cutting me off. "I remember studying
with her one time after school, whilst she helped me with maths
because I goddamn hate maths, which, by the way, I was right about,
because to this day I've never used algebra in the real world.
Anyway, she came to mine and helped me through each question. Each
stupid formula. I panicked and stressed, but she remained calm
throughout, just like the B you described.
    "After a few hours of slaving away I asked her,
' What you doing
later? ’
    "' Helping Aus with
his English exam, ’ she said.
    "And I laughed, because when it
comes to English you need no help. But then I remembered she had an
exam of her own...
    "' Don't you have a
Chemistry exam in the morning ?' I asked.
    She nodded.
    "' Don't you think you
should prep for that, rather than help Aus with an exam he'll ace
anyway? '
    "She shook her head. ' I can tell he's nervous. '
    “ That girl places her own
worries to one side to ensure you make it through yours. Just like
you place your own dreams and wants and future to one side, in
order to build a life around her. I don ’ t understand
it, but it ’ s admirable, I
suppose. The point is, just because she acts all brave and tough
and fine, doesn ’ t mean she is. It
doesn't mean she isn't freaking out."
    I pick up another beer mat and
fold it in half. "I remember that exam," I say. "She told me she
was prepared for it."
    “ Do you remember her grade?"
    "Yeah. Her worst one."
    Saluting me with his pipe, he nods. "Exactly. You two have
something I can ’ t understand, but
it's always been there. I guess it ’ s love, or
something. You protect each other in your own crazy little way, and
although admirable and arguably adorable, it makes you both bloody
idiots. ”
    I sigh. “ It
doesn ’ t feel like I ’ m putting our life
first at the minute. It feels like I ’ m only thinking
about myself. ”
    “ No way. It ’ s always
about you and B . Always has. It used to be about you and me, but she
took my place a long time ago. The problem is,
you ’ re trying to live up to some ridiculous perfection
that doesn ’ t exist, and now a
baby ’ s in the picture, it ’ s made it all the
more impossible. ”
    “ But I should be stronger for
her. For us. ”
    “ You are. You ’ re the bravest guy I
know. The manner in which you sacrifice your own needs and dreams
so you can make her happy, it gives a guy like me hope that maybe
one day I ’ ll feel that. I don ’ t think
it ’ ll be anytime soon, but one day … maybe. ”
    “ I ’ m not sure,
Joe. “
    “ I am, ” he says. “ When it comes to that
girl, you ’ ll always step up. Until you do,
she ’ ll be there for you. It doesn ’ t mean
she ’ s perfect or without fear. It doesn ’ t mean
she won ’ t freak out somewhere along the way, but
she ’ s got your back just like you have
hers.
    “ Another thing, I think
it ’ s good you ’ re starting to
realise how scary and crazy this whole ordeal is.
You ’ re supposed to be scared, you idiot. But trust me,
you ’ ve got this. Deep down, I think you know this
already. ” He trails off, bringing our two empty glasses
together.
    "Okay," I say, clearing my throat.
"You're right. And I guess it's my round, isn't it?"
    "You're damn right it is. You
finally sensed my desire for drink down my throat."
    "Yeah. Subtle as always,
Joe."
    He laughs, pushing the glasses to
me and tapping his pipe against the table. "You know, there is
another option."
    "Yeah? What's that?"
    "We
go to the airport right now. Catch a flight to New Orleans. Rent a
car and travel America. We leave these lives and start fresh.
Imagine, Aussie, imagine the freedom and the sights and the
memories we'd create and forget about all at once. Just like On The Road .