gave me permission to parent creatively. We don’t just try to be fair; we try to raise each one according to his or her own unique personalities, talents, and needs.
Sure enough, as they got older, some of the kids still needed a nap while others didn’t. Cara didn’t always need a nap when she was younger, so I told her to come downstairs when Mady fell asleep. Same with the little girls—Alexis always needed a nap or she’d fall asleep during dinner. Leah slept most of the time, but Hannah never did. I started telling her she could come downstairs when the other two fell asleep.
Then when Hannah and Leah started asking for a “nakin,” I would let them have one at each meal. They were the only ones who did not shred or rip them. I tried to look for little things to reward each of them, so they felt like individuals.
All of the kids are so completely different that how I talk to them, discipline them, and play with them is different. With Collin I have to be firm and clear, but if I used the same voice with Aaden, he would be in tears instantly. I can treat Hannah like a seven-year-old sometimes and rationalize with her, and I can also reason with Leah; but with Alexis, I have to go over everything over and over again, since she’s not as focused.
Mady and Cara have flip flopped personalities growing up; they each took turns being the dominant one. I have since learned this isnormal for twins, though it has not been my experience in raising higher order multiples.
Alexis in a cozy spot.
Alexis is silly, loves making people laugh—and trouble finds her. Hannah has always acted older and worries if anyone is sick or if things aren’t fair. Aaden is thoughtful. Collin is orderly yet controlling. Leah loves girly, baby things. Joel has always been easygoing.
While I can’t always give each one my undivided attention every day, each child is on my radar screen at different times. When the little girls were potty training, I didn’t have to think about the boys who were still in diapers; and when I trained the boys I didn’t need to focus on the girls because they had already been potty trained. It was nice to not have to worry about all of them at once. When Aaden needed glasses, he was on my radar screen. And of course, when he got glasses we needed to figure out how to keep them on his face and then to keep the other five from plucking them off his face.
With eight kids, or any number really, it’s hard to have time for all of them collectively, let alone individually. I have really struggledwith spending enough time with each of them. I have a lot of guilt about that, but I tried to not miss the details. My guiding principle has always been that just because I have eight doesn’t mean I can’t try to treat them each like an only child. I realize that’s setting the bar very high, but since when do I ever set mediocre goals?
Some of the kids were more independent than others, and I just let them go. Those who wanted to hang on me more or needed more attention from me knew to come find me. I just had to trust that whoever needed the extra attention would seek it out. If someone came wandering downstairs in the middle of the night, we didn’t make a big deal out of it and just scooped them up into bed with us or made a little bed on the floor next to us. When they wanted to spend time with me in the kitchen, I put whoever came in up on the counter so we could talk while I made dinner.
When they were babies, it was harder to figure out which one needed me more; so the older they got, the easier it was to give them more attention. When Mady and Cara were old enough to start doing chores, I put together a chore chart, which included rewards. They could choose spending time alone with Mommy or Daddy, getting ice cream, or staying up an extra hour—all of which they loved. For them, time with a parent was the best reward.
Once I remember Cara really needed time alone with me, so I took her grocery
Sure enough, as they got older, some of the kids still needed a nap while others didn’t. Cara didn’t always need a nap when she was younger, so I told her to come downstairs when Mady fell asleep. Same with the little girls—Alexis always needed a nap or she’d fall asleep during dinner. Leah slept most of the time, but Hannah never did. I started telling her she could come downstairs when the other two fell asleep.
Then when Hannah and Leah started asking for a “nakin,” I would let them have one at each meal. They were the only ones who did not shred or rip them. I tried to look for little things to reward each of them, so they felt like individuals.
All of the kids are so completely different that how I talk to them, discipline them, and play with them is different. With Collin I have to be firm and clear, but if I used the same voice with Aaden, he would be in tears instantly. I can treat Hannah like a seven-year-old sometimes and rationalize with her, and I can also reason with Leah; but with Alexis, I have to go over everything over and over again, since she’s not as focused.
Mady and Cara have flip flopped personalities growing up; they each took turns being the dominant one. I have since learned this isnormal for twins, though it has not been my experience in raising higher order multiples.
Alexis in a cozy spot.
Alexis is silly, loves making people laugh—and trouble finds her. Hannah has always acted older and worries if anyone is sick or if things aren’t fair. Aaden is thoughtful. Collin is orderly yet controlling. Leah loves girly, baby things. Joel has always been easygoing.
While I can’t always give each one my undivided attention every day, each child is on my radar screen at different times. When the little girls were potty training, I didn’t have to think about the boys who were still in diapers; and when I trained the boys I didn’t need to focus on the girls because they had already been potty trained. It was nice to not have to worry about all of them at once. When Aaden needed glasses, he was on my radar screen. And of course, when he got glasses we needed to figure out how to keep them on his face and then to keep the other five from plucking them off his face.
With eight kids, or any number really, it’s hard to have time for all of them collectively, let alone individually. I have really struggledwith spending enough time with each of them. I have a lot of guilt about that, but I tried to not miss the details. My guiding principle has always been that just because I have eight doesn’t mean I can’t try to treat them each like an only child. I realize that’s setting the bar very high, but since when do I ever set mediocre goals?
Some of the kids were more independent than others, and I just let them go. Those who wanted to hang on me more or needed more attention from me knew to come find me. I just had to trust that whoever needed the extra attention would seek it out. If someone came wandering downstairs in the middle of the night, we didn’t make a big deal out of it and just scooped them up into bed with us or made a little bed on the floor next to us. When they wanted to spend time with me in the kitchen, I put whoever came in up on the counter so we could talk while I made dinner.
When they were babies, it was harder to figure out which one needed me more; so the older they got, the easier it was to give them more attention. When Mady and Cara were old enough to start doing chores, I put together a chore chart, which included rewards. They could choose spending time alone with Mommy or Daddy, getting ice cream, or staying up an extra hour—all of which they loved. For them, time with a parent was the best reward.
Once I remember Cara really needed time alone with me, so I took her grocery
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