I Can Get It for You Wholesale

I Can Get It for You Wholesale by Jerome Weidman

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Authors: Jerome Weidman
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getting a competent assistant, and I’ll be doing the right thing by my new staff, since they’ll be under the supervision of a man they knew and know they can trust.”
    If there were any rummies in that crowd to whom it appeared to be a little strange that I should be making such a big public stink about hiring an assistant, they had enough sense not to talk about it. They were here for the purpose of trying to get a job, and they weren’t taking any chance on losing out before they even started by opening their traps. Not that there was any great danger. Shipping clerks are used to spending three-quarters of their time listening.
    “If you’ll please come in, then, Mr. Maltz,” I said, “we’ll be able to get started.”
    I held the gate in the railing open and he came in.
    “Now the first thing we’ll do,” I said, “is take the names and addresses of all those who wish to apply for jobs. I don’t know exactly how many we will be able to use, but I should judge it’ll be about a hundred. So what we’ll do is start off by hiring one hundred men to-day, and then—”
    The roar that went up drowned me out, and I knew what was wrong. There must’ve been over three hundred there.
    “Wait a minute men,” I called, holding up my hands. “Just a minute men.” When they quieted down, I continued. “I know there are more than a hundred here, and so we’re going to do this as fairly as possible. Here’s what we’ll do. Every man will fill out one of these cards with his name and address. Then we’ll mix them in a hat and I’ll pick out a hundred of them. That hundred men will go to work immediately, to-day. The others I will keep on file, and as soon as we need extra men I’ll send for those who have made out cards here to-day. Let me add,” I said, raising my voice to stop any murmuring, “let me add that new accounts are coming in so fast, that the chances are we’ll need plenty more before many days go by. So please help us out by doing this quietly and quickly, so that we don’t have to kill the whole day.”
    I gave Tootsie a pack of printed applications and let him hand them around. They filled them out and handed them back and Tootsie dumped them into an empty wastepaper basket that I put on one of the desks back of the rail. Then I put my hand inside, shoved them around a little, and drew out small batches of them. Tootsie read off the names, and put the cards aside, keeping careful count of the number. When he had ninety, I began to take them out one at a time, until we hit one hundred.
    “All right, men,” I said, holding up the one hundred cards. “Will all those whose names were called, whose cards I hold in my hand, remain here, and will the others please leave?”
    They filed out slowly, talking and shoving a little. When they were all gone, I motioned toward the door.
    “Somebody please close that, will you?”
    After the huge mob that had just been there, the one hundred that were left made the room seem empty.
    “The next question to take up,” I said to the gang we had hired, “is that of compensation.” I figured I might as well show them I had the words to go with the fancy suit. “You men will be on a piece-work basis. You’ll get a dime for every package you deliver, and twenty cents for every hand truck.”
    The arrangement I had made with Pulvermacher, and which went for the rest of Seventh Avenue, was two bits for every package and fifty cents for every hand truck. That meant we made a profit of fifteen cents and thirty cents per delivery. But these mockies didn’t have to know how much we were making.
    “Things are still tentative,” I said, taking a piece of paper out of my pocket and looking at it as I spoke, “but judging from the number of accounts we have on our books right now, I should say we can almost guarantee you men about three deliveries an hour, say two packages and one hand truck, which means your compensation will average about forty cents per

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