I Am What I Am by John Barrowman

not Cameron – so they could pick a Nancy who they’d want to pay their hard-earned cash to see.
    Speaking of which, even before the semi-final, the box-office advance for Oliver! was huge; two-thirds of the advance bookings came from people who did not even know who exactly was going to play Nancy – they may have booked hoping for Jessie, Jodie, Rachel or Sam – which just goes to demonstrate the calibre of the contestants. Oliver! also starred Rowan Atkinson as Fagin, who was clearly a massive draw. By the time the show opened, in January 2009, the stellar cast – Jodie as Nancy, Burn Gorman 12 as Bill Sikes, plus Rowan and many other fantastic performers – had attracted phenomenal box-office receipts in the region of £15 million.
    On this evening, in week four, I congratulated Ashley, offered my heartfelt condolences to Francesca and stepped off set, where Iimmediately ran into Cameron. He was furious. He’d thought that he and Andrew had agreed on the matter of Ashley, and he was astonished that this turnabout had occurred. When I defended Ashley, and Andrew for having saved her – after all, it was only the fourth week, and, had Ashley improved, she could even have won the competition – Cameron lashed out at me.
    ‘I’m a bit worried about your judgement and taste now,’ he yelled, ‘because what you’ve just done has shown me that you don’t have any taste. I’m the one producing this fucking show, not you!’
    Of course, I continued to defend my opinion – and he continued to yell at me, in front of all the BBC runners, some of the staff and crew, and Denise. I think Andrew may have been in earshot, too.
    I was stunned into silence. 13 After a few beats, I caught my breath and I thought, ‘I don’t need to take this from him.’ Cameron is a friend, I respect him immensely, and we have a long history together. 14
    I leaned towards him and said, ‘If you feel that strongly about these performers, then why aren’t you on the panel? I’m up there to be a judge. I’m not a casting director.’ I paused and then added, ‘The viewers will cast this and there’s a good chance they’re not going to cast who you want.’ I avoided him for the rest of the night.
    Later, when the show was over and I thought about all that had happened, I think this incident may have been a defining moment for me in that series. The confrontation showed me that when Cameron felt strongly about a particular performer, he would communicate his views passionately. I realized that when the show reached the finals, I might have to balance Cameron’s (and Andrew’s) push for Jessie. From that moment, I decided I was going to stick up for the performers whom I thought could carry a West End show; performers I thought had the temperament and the talent to be in the West End.
    A couple of days after this incident, Gavin received a call from Trevor Jackson, Cameron’s casting director, asking if I was okaybecause he’d heard about the blow-up. He wanted to know if I was angry with Cameron. I said I wasn’t and I meant it. Yeah, Cameron was out of line and behaved badly, but I think he was caught up in the adrenalin of the moment – and the casting of the show – and, well, we’ve all been there.

    There’s a pace and a rhythm to these talent shows. At about show six, the crescendo begins, the momentum picks up and the pressure builds. Weaker performers slipped away, but Jodie was getting stronger, and, in her performance of ‘Send in the Clowns’ in week three, I thought I might well, at some point in the contest, see her pulling away from the competition. When the final arrived, as I’d expected, Jessie and Jodie were the two left in the contest for the very last sing-off.
    Here was where I believe my experience allowed me to make a judgement call. I realized that after Jessie and Jodie performed in the finale, we would be expected to give our opinion and to offer our advice, but I knew from experience that I could