five-room ranch house in Blount in the shadows of those hills that had drawn Adam’s forebears to the town. Soon Adam was born, a sweet anddocile child (Adam blushed at his father’s description of him), and life was good, life was fine …
T
:
Yes, yes. I see, I see—
A
:
You sound impatient. I’m sorry. Am I going into too much detail? I thought you wanted me to discover everything about myself.
T
:
Yes, of course I do. I apologize for my seeming impatience. We have such a long way to go together.
(5-second interval.)
A
:
What do you really want to know about me? What’s this questioning really about?
T
:
Must we discuss motive again? We have agreed that these sessions are journeys to discover your past. And I am willing to serve as your guide.
A
:
But I sometimes wonder what’s more important—what I find out about myself or what you find out about me.
T
:
You must avoid these needless doubts—they could only delay the process of discovery and you are then left with those terrifying blanks.
(6-second interval.)
A
:
All right, then. I’m sorry. Guide me, like you said you would.
T
:
Then let us get on with it. Let’s explore what happened to send your family from that idyllic existence in Blount out into the night on that bus …
He could still remember his father’s voice in the cellar that day, and the Ping-Pong ball like a smallplanet suspended in space, his father’s voice holding him captive, enthralled—and yet a small part of him was isolated and alone, a part that was not Adam Farmer any longer but Paul Delmonte. I am Paul Delmonte, a voice whispered inside him. Paul Delmon-tee. Then who is Adam Farmer? Where did he come from? And, finally, his father told him that Adam Farmer had come into being a long time before, when the reporter who was Anthony Delmonte—and would someday be David Farmer—had uncovered certain documents, obtained certain information at the State House in Albany, information that would change a lot of lives irrevocably …
T
:
What kind of information?
A
:
He wasn’t precise about it. But I know this much—it involved corruption in government.
T
:
At what level of government—state, federal?
A
:
Both. And there was more than government involved. There were links.
T
:
What were these links?
A
:
Between crime—he spoke about the organizations, the syndicates—and government, from the local ward right up to Washington, D.C.
T
:
Was he specific about these links?
A
:
Now you’re sounding like an investigator again—as if you’re looking for specific information that has nothing to do with me as a person.
T
:
Everything has to do with you as a person. We have to be specific. Haven’t you dealt in generalities, vaguenesses, long enough? Lack of specifics—isn’tthat what gives you nightmares at two o’clock in the morning?
(5-second interval.)
A
:
I’m sorry. Anyway, he said the information he found, information that took him a year to uncover, made it necessary for him to become a witness. To testify, in Washington. Before a special Senate committee. Behind closed doors. No television cameras. No reporters. Later, there would be indictments, arrests. But the testimony had to be given in secret. Otherwise—
T
:
Otherwise what?
A
:
I remember his exact words. He said that otherwise his life wouldn’t be worth a plugged nickel. That was an expression I had never heard before. But I knew what it meant as soon as I heard it.
(5-second interval.)
T
:
Go on.
A
:
He went to Washington, he testified, he gave evidence for investigators to follow up on. They said he would be protected, his identity kept a secret. He trusted them. He was away for almost a year, hiding in hotel rooms, coming home once in a while to visit my mother and me, while guards stood around the house, inconspicuous, in the shadows. I was just a baby—two or three years old. He said he was riddled with guilt during all that time. But it was his duty, he said. He said he was an old-fashioned citizen who
T
:
Yes, yes. I see, I see—
A
:
You sound impatient. I’m sorry. Am I going into too much detail? I thought you wanted me to discover everything about myself.
T
:
Yes, of course I do. I apologize for my seeming impatience. We have such a long way to go together.
(5-second interval.)
A
:
What do you really want to know about me? What’s this questioning really about?
T
:
Must we discuss motive again? We have agreed that these sessions are journeys to discover your past. And I am willing to serve as your guide.
A
:
But I sometimes wonder what’s more important—what I find out about myself or what you find out about me.
T
:
You must avoid these needless doubts—they could only delay the process of discovery and you are then left with those terrifying blanks.
(6-second interval.)
A
:
All right, then. I’m sorry. Guide me, like you said you would.
T
:
Then let us get on with it. Let’s explore what happened to send your family from that idyllic existence in Blount out into the night on that bus …
He could still remember his father’s voice in the cellar that day, and the Ping-Pong ball like a smallplanet suspended in space, his father’s voice holding him captive, enthralled—and yet a small part of him was isolated and alone, a part that was not Adam Farmer any longer but Paul Delmonte. I am Paul Delmonte, a voice whispered inside him. Paul Delmon-tee. Then who is Adam Farmer? Where did he come from? And, finally, his father told him that Adam Farmer had come into being a long time before, when the reporter who was Anthony Delmonte—and would someday be David Farmer—had uncovered certain documents, obtained certain information at the State House in Albany, information that would change a lot of lives irrevocably …
T
:
What kind of information?
A
:
He wasn’t precise about it. But I know this much—it involved corruption in government.
T
:
At what level of government—state, federal?
A
:
Both. And there was more than government involved. There were links.
T
:
What were these links?
A
:
Between crime—he spoke about the organizations, the syndicates—and government, from the local ward right up to Washington, D.C.
T
:
Was he specific about these links?
A
:
Now you’re sounding like an investigator again—as if you’re looking for specific information that has nothing to do with me as a person.
T
:
Everything has to do with you as a person. We have to be specific. Haven’t you dealt in generalities, vaguenesses, long enough? Lack of specifics—isn’tthat what gives you nightmares at two o’clock in the morning?
(5-second interval.)
A
:
I’m sorry. Anyway, he said the information he found, information that took him a year to uncover, made it necessary for him to become a witness. To testify, in Washington. Before a special Senate committee. Behind closed doors. No television cameras. No reporters. Later, there would be indictments, arrests. But the testimony had to be given in secret. Otherwise—
T
:
Otherwise what?
A
:
I remember his exact words. He said that otherwise his life wouldn’t be worth a plugged nickel. That was an expression I had never heard before. But I knew what it meant as soon as I heard it.
(5-second interval.)
T
:
Go on.
A
:
He went to Washington, he testified, he gave evidence for investigators to follow up on. They said he would be protected, his identity kept a secret. He trusted them. He was away for almost a year, hiding in hotel rooms, coming home once in a while to visit my mother and me, while guards stood around the house, inconspicuous, in the shadows. I was just a baby—two or three years old. He said he was riddled with guilt during all that time. But it was his duty, he said. He said he was an old-fashioned citizen who
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