word?’
‘I have the notes from today typed up. I’ll give you the memory stick tomorrow.’
‘No. I mean, it’s not a work chat I had in mind. Come and sit a moment. That’s it. Now how are things with you?’
‘Listen, I’m not really in the mood for another session, Aubrey.’
‘Good. That’s good. It’s just I was speaking to your sister today. She’s been having some trouble getting hold of you. And she mentioned your dad isn’t doing too well. Something about an infection. Seems he’s had to go back into the hospital.’
Is that right, Mab? Is it his leg? Well, you can’t go asking me to care. It’s nothing to do with me any more.
And then he told me, ‘Mab suggested you were needed back. “Now more than ever”, I think her words were. All rather dramatic. And, before you start on your usualtirade, I have to say I agree with her. This situation, you living here and working for me, I don’t think you’ve ever really understood… or maybe you have. The point is, Dan, I don’t think we can continue. I think the time has come for a move. Your job is always here, of course, but living here in my house now… well, I’m not sure that’s the best plan for you at the moment. Not when you’re needed elsewhere.’
‘You’re kicking me out?’
‘I wouldn’t put it quite like that. It’s just, the arrangement between your sister and me requires a certain amount of co-operation, and this is one of those occasions when…’
Arrangement? Mab? You don’t even like him.
‘I have a great deal of respect for your sister,’ he went on. ‘For her work and her person. And of course for your whole family. You must admit, you are resistant to all my methods of helping you. You won’t talk. You refuse to even contemplate re-establishing a medical regime. Therefore, when Mabel asks me to do something, I must do my best for her.’
‘What about doing your best for me? What about your respect for me?’
What on earth do you have on him, Mab? What on earth could have changed so that he’s willing to push me out on to the street?
I hope you know what it is you’re destroying here. And I hope you know I will kick and fight all the way back to the Studio. I was finding happiness here; why must you ruin that?
Daniel
23rd January
The Studio
Dear Alice –
The only warm room in the house is downstairs with the wood-burner. Dad was never much of a believer in the comforts of central heating. So downstairs we sweat, and upstairs, where I’m hiding, the air is so cold you can watch your breath dissolve into it. I’m under my covers; the sheets are chilled and feel damp against my skin. It must have been like this before I left, but it seems so much colder now I have the memory of your warmth only hours behind me.
Maggie is not talking to me. Dad is, as usual, not talking. Tatty was the only one who seemed delighted at my return. In fact, she is the only one who reacted when I came through the door, unless a grunt from Maggie counts for anything. So much for Mab’s promises.
I miss you, my darling. I miss the weight of your shoulder against mine as we lay together with the coloured paper lanterns ticking on their strings as the heat rose from your warm bed. I miss the smell and taste of you. I miss the sweet shudder of your body as I entered you and the soundless gasp of your lips waiting to be smothered by my mouth. I miss my fingers dragging through your electric hair, down the smooth curve of the sea-sucked shell of your pale back. I miss the heft of your thigh. I miss the crooked quality of your smile. There is too much for me to miss all at once, I have to miss you piecemeal. It’s the only way I can bear it.
I’m so glad I found you again. And I am so sorry, Alice. I’m sorry I’ve ever had to leave you, but to do it twice… Istill can’t quite believe I’m back here. Curled up in bed, in this ill-lit room, wearing all the clothes I left Manchester in, including my coat, with
‘I have the notes from today typed up. I’ll give you the memory stick tomorrow.’
‘No. I mean, it’s not a work chat I had in mind. Come and sit a moment. That’s it. Now how are things with you?’
‘Listen, I’m not really in the mood for another session, Aubrey.’
‘Good. That’s good. It’s just I was speaking to your sister today. She’s been having some trouble getting hold of you. And she mentioned your dad isn’t doing too well. Something about an infection. Seems he’s had to go back into the hospital.’
Is that right, Mab? Is it his leg? Well, you can’t go asking me to care. It’s nothing to do with me any more.
And then he told me, ‘Mab suggested you were needed back. “Now more than ever”, I think her words were. All rather dramatic. And, before you start on your usualtirade, I have to say I agree with her. This situation, you living here and working for me, I don’t think you’ve ever really understood… or maybe you have. The point is, Dan, I don’t think we can continue. I think the time has come for a move. Your job is always here, of course, but living here in my house now… well, I’m not sure that’s the best plan for you at the moment. Not when you’re needed elsewhere.’
‘You’re kicking me out?’
‘I wouldn’t put it quite like that. It’s just, the arrangement between your sister and me requires a certain amount of co-operation, and this is one of those occasions when…’
Arrangement? Mab? You don’t even like him.
‘I have a great deal of respect for your sister,’ he went on. ‘For her work and her person. And of course for your whole family. You must admit, you are resistant to all my methods of helping you. You won’t talk. You refuse to even contemplate re-establishing a medical regime. Therefore, when Mabel asks me to do something, I must do my best for her.’
‘What about doing your best for me? What about your respect for me?’
What on earth do you have on him, Mab? What on earth could have changed so that he’s willing to push me out on to the street?
I hope you know what it is you’re destroying here. And I hope you know I will kick and fight all the way back to the Studio. I was finding happiness here; why must you ruin that?
Daniel
23rd January
The Studio
Dear Alice –
The only warm room in the house is downstairs with the wood-burner. Dad was never much of a believer in the comforts of central heating. So downstairs we sweat, and upstairs, where I’m hiding, the air is so cold you can watch your breath dissolve into it. I’m under my covers; the sheets are chilled and feel damp against my skin. It must have been like this before I left, but it seems so much colder now I have the memory of your warmth only hours behind me.
Maggie is not talking to me. Dad is, as usual, not talking. Tatty was the only one who seemed delighted at my return. In fact, she is the only one who reacted when I came through the door, unless a grunt from Maggie counts for anything. So much for Mab’s promises.
I miss you, my darling. I miss the weight of your shoulder against mine as we lay together with the coloured paper lanterns ticking on their strings as the heat rose from your warm bed. I miss the smell and taste of you. I miss the sweet shudder of your body as I entered you and the soundless gasp of your lips waiting to be smothered by my mouth. I miss my fingers dragging through your electric hair, down the smooth curve of the sea-sucked shell of your pale back. I miss the heft of your thigh. I miss the crooked quality of your smile. There is too much for me to miss all at once, I have to miss you piecemeal. It’s the only way I can bear it.
I’m so glad I found you again. And I am so sorry, Alice. I’m sorry I’ve ever had to leave you, but to do it twice… Istill can’t quite believe I’m back here. Curled up in bed, in this ill-lit room, wearing all the clothes I left Manchester in, including my coat, with
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