How to Make Friends with Demons by Graham Joyce

then?"

    "All a fuck, isn't it? It's all about a fuck."

    Otto looked at me and wiped a finger under his nose. "What's all this about bombs? What you got strapped under that coat? You've got nothing there. Tell me there's nothing there. What do you expect to get out of this, eh?"

    "I want an audience with the Queen. I want to tell her what I know."

    "Eh? The Queen? Queen don't give a fuck about the likes of you and me, Seamus."

    "I've been a fucking loyal soldier to the fucking Queen. I want to tell her what I know. And if she won't come down here, she can ride raggy-arsed to Birmingham." Whatever this phrase meant, Seamus found its utterance very funny. He tipped back his head. "Ha ha ha ha ha!"

    Otto looked to me again. "Tell him the Queen won't come. Tell him she's eating pie in the palace, and too busy."

    "He's right, Seamus," I said. "The Queen won't come here."

    The old soldier looked around at the gritty pavement on either side of him. "Yeh," he said seriously, "it's a bit mucky, innit? Maybe we should sweep up a bit."

    He looked at me. His idea for tidying up the street was in earnest. "Killed that girl, you know," he said to me. "Bumped her off, they did. It's known. Everybody knows."

    "Which girl, Seamus?"

    "Diana. Princess Di. Didn't want her marrying an Arab, did they? Lovely girl. Met her. Land mines thing. Got a thing about land mines, me."

    "Right," I said, nodding. I didn't know which way this thing was going. "Right."

    "You tell the Queen I need her down here. She needs to talk to me. Then if she winks at me, I'll know."

    "Know what, Seamus?"

    "That will be between me and the Queen. Queen don't wink, do she? So if she comes here and winks at me, I'll know all I need to know."

    It was gibberish. It didn't give us a handle. I was trying to think of something to say when Seamus twisted his features at me. There was a fierce glint in his eye. Hoar frost. He said, "Terrible isn't it? I'm trying to get a cup of tea."

    I was shocked. His words were an exact echo of what he said to me from the darkened doorway that time, the day I put him in a cab and sent him up to GoPoint. It was like I was suddenly back there for a moment, as if there had been a wrinkle in time.

    I heard Otto say, "No problem, mate, I'll fetch you a cup of tea."

    Otto winked at me. I don't think Seamus was supposed to have spotted the wink, but he did, and I saw him stiffen. Something passed across his face. He glanced between Otto and me as if we might be part of some conspiracy. I know it's a small thing, but I wished Otto hadn't winked at me like that.

    "No," said Seamus, "Let 'im fetch it. You stay here with me."

    I didn't mind being errand boy and I said so. "How do you like it, Seamus? Milk? Sugar?"

    "Milk and three sugars. Get a cup for Otto, will ya? He's been good to me, he has. Deserves a cup of tea. My old mucker. Here, take this. I don't want it any more."

    He handed me something that had been rolled into a cylinder. It was wrapped in a dirty red-and-white-chequered scarf: a traditional, tasselled Arab shemagh .

    "Don't look at it now," he said. "It's what I know. Put it in your pocket for later."

    I wasn't about to argue with him so I did as he instructed and made my way—slowly—out of the sandbagged area and back to the command point, where a huddle of police officers and Antonia watched my approach. I now saw they had marksmen in the shadows with high-velocity rifles trained on Seamus. It all seemed completely over the top. But I supposed there was the Queen to think about.

    The commander, Antonia and all the others looked at me without saying a word as I drew up beside the police Land Rover. I said, "He wants a cup of tea."

    Someone released a jet of air from between his teeth.

    "He wants three sugars," I said apologetically.

    "We can do that," said the police commander. He looked towards his junior ranks and someone went off to fix it. "We're here for days sometimes. So tea we have. Do you think he's