How to Forgive Even When You Can't Forget by Thomas Herold Page A
Authors: Thomas Herold
Tags: divorce, Abuse, Heart, Self-Esteem, forgiveness, Happiness, feelings, anger, emotion, violent, bitterness, forgive, resentment, nvc, anger management, blame, grudges
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simply disappear
and you will no longer be haunted by your past, you will be more
fully present in the now.
Thomas Herold
Founder & CEO, Dream
Manifesto
Introduction
The
18 th century poet Alexander
Pope coined perhaps the most famous quote ever written regarding
forgiveness when he wrote:
“ To err is
human, to forgive divine.”
Since we’ve all mastered the human
tendency to err, this book will focus on the far more elusive
divine art of forgiving. Although everyone is familiar with the
concept of forgiveness, it can be extremely difficult in actual
practice. Very few will learn how to overcome the obstacles that
prevent genuine forgiveness and move on to a place of true
happiness and peace.
If you read this book with an open
mind and a willing heart, you will come away with the tools that
you need to see through the deception of bitterness and ego to come
to the point where you can genuinely forgive those who have hurt
you. Once you are able to forgive, you are able to release the pain
and hurt that can cling to you.
What Is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness starts with the act of
forgiving or pardoning. Forgiving is not confined to one single act
in as much as it is the cessation of ongoing negative patterns,
such as being angry or resentful. Anger, resentment, and bitterness
are powerful emotions that can seize control of a person with
strongly negative effects on your attitude, relationships, and even
your physical well-being.
Often, these negative feelings
overwhelm us. It can feel as if we are drowning in our own
negativity. Bitterness and resentment feed upon themselves,
creating an ever widening circle of despair.
The good news is that there is a
way out. You can break free of these negative emotions. When we
forgive, we release the anger and give ourselves permission to be
happy. Happiness is our natural state of being. When we are at
harmony with our surroundings and ourselves, we will naturally tend
toward happiness.
While external circumstances may
cause a temporary interruption of our happiness, our reaction to
the circumstances has far more control over our happiness in the
long run. We can’t control the actions of other people. If we are
honest in our assessment, we have to acknowledge that people are
often mean, rude, thoughtless, and self-absorbed.
Given that we have to live among
these thoughtless and mean creatures, it is a virtual certainty
that we are going to be injured by their actions at some point.
(Just as certain that we, being of the same type of self-absorbed
creatures are going to injure others on occasion.) The surest road
to overcoming circumstance and moving back to our intended state of
happiness is through forgiveness.
In the chapters that follow, we
will walk through some of the primary obstacles to forgiveness, the
major results of holding onto our grudges, and the general process
and many benefits of forgiveness.
Table of Contents
What Is Forgiveness? 5
My Personal Story 8
The Benefits of Not Forgiving 10
The Benefits of Forgiving Someone 12
The Benefits of Forgiving Yourself 15
Does Forgiveness Guarantee Reconciliation? 17
Why Do We Hold Grudges? 19
How Do We Know It’s Time to Embrace Forgiveness?
21
How Do We Reach a State of Forgiveness? 23
What Happens If You Can’t Forgive Someone? 25
How Do You Know When you’ve Truly Forgiven Someone?
27
What If the Person You're Forgiving Doesn't Change?
29
What If You're the One Who Needs Forgiveness? 31
Breaking Free of the Chains of the Past 33
Breaking Free from Resentment with Forgiveness
35
True Forgiveness Is Your Choice 39
Self-Activate Forgiveness with Subliminal Healing
Invocations 40
Chapter 1
My Personal Story
Betrayed! . . . I Thought I
Would Never Trust Anyone Again
Several years ago, before I
started my own business, I was working with a friend in Palo Alto.
It was the golden age of Internet start-ups around the year 2000.
My life was a mess at that time and
and you will no longer be haunted by your past, you will be more
fully present in the now.
Thomas Herold
Founder & CEO, Dream
Manifesto
Introduction
The
18 th century poet Alexander
Pope coined perhaps the most famous quote ever written regarding
forgiveness when he wrote:
“ To err is
human, to forgive divine.”
Since we’ve all mastered the human
tendency to err, this book will focus on the far more elusive
divine art of forgiving. Although everyone is familiar with the
concept of forgiveness, it can be extremely difficult in actual
practice. Very few will learn how to overcome the obstacles that
prevent genuine forgiveness and move on to a place of true
happiness and peace.
If you read this book with an open
mind and a willing heart, you will come away with the tools that
you need to see through the deception of bitterness and ego to come
to the point where you can genuinely forgive those who have hurt
you. Once you are able to forgive, you are able to release the pain
and hurt that can cling to you.
What Is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness starts with the act of
forgiving or pardoning. Forgiving is not confined to one single act
in as much as it is the cessation of ongoing negative patterns,
such as being angry or resentful. Anger, resentment, and bitterness
are powerful emotions that can seize control of a person with
strongly negative effects on your attitude, relationships, and even
your physical well-being.
Often, these negative feelings
overwhelm us. It can feel as if we are drowning in our own
negativity. Bitterness and resentment feed upon themselves,
creating an ever widening circle of despair.
The good news is that there is a
way out. You can break free of these negative emotions. When we
forgive, we release the anger and give ourselves permission to be
happy. Happiness is our natural state of being. When we are at
harmony with our surroundings and ourselves, we will naturally tend
toward happiness.
While external circumstances may
cause a temporary interruption of our happiness, our reaction to
the circumstances has far more control over our happiness in the
long run. We can’t control the actions of other people. If we are
honest in our assessment, we have to acknowledge that people are
often mean, rude, thoughtless, and self-absorbed.
Given that we have to live among
these thoughtless and mean creatures, it is a virtual certainty
that we are going to be injured by their actions at some point.
(Just as certain that we, being of the same type of self-absorbed
creatures are going to injure others on occasion.) The surest road
to overcoming circumstance and moving back to our intended state of
happiness is through forgiveness.
In the chapters that follow, we
will walk through some of the primary obstacles to forgiveness, the
major results of holding onto our grudges, and the general process
and many benefits of forgiveness.
Table of Contents
What Is Forgiveness? 5
My Personal Story 8
The Benefits of Not Forgiving 10
The Benefits of Forgiving Someone 12
The Benefits of Forgiving Yourself 15
Does Forgiveness Guarantee Reconciliation? 17
Why Do We Hold Grudges? 19
How Do We Know It’s Time to Embrace Forgiveness?
21
How Do We Reach a State of Forgiveness? 23
What Happens If You Can’t Forgive Someone? 25
How Do You Know When you’ve Truly Forgiven Someone?
27
What If the Person You're Forgiving Doesn't Change?
29
What If You're the One Who Needs Forgiveness? 31
Breaking Free of the Chains of the Past 33
Breaking Free from Resentment with Forgiveness
35
True Forgiveness Is Your Choice 39
Self-Activate Forgiveness with Subliminal Healing
Invocations 40
Chapter 1
My Personal Story
Betrayed! . . . I Thought I
Would Never Trust Anyone Again
Several years ago, before I
started my own business, I was working with a friend in Palo Alto.
It was the golden age of Internet start-ups around the year 2000.
My life was a mess at that time and
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