How to Be Both
WHITE GLOVES. THE SEASONS FRUITFUL ROUND HIM. THE WORKERS HAPPY ROUND HIM. THE PEOPLE FULL OF JOY. ABOVE THIS, SKY. ABOVE THAT, GODS. IN TRIUMPHANT ARRIVALS. ON THEIR CHARIOTS. SURROUNDED BY. THEIR ASSOCIATED SYMBOLS. AND USUAL ATTRIBUTES. THE DESIGN FOR THIS. CAN BE FOUND. IN THE ANTEROOM. BEHIND THE EAST WALL. STUDY IT CLOSELY. DO NOT DEVIATE. FROM ITS INSTRUCTION. OR ITS EXAMPLE. OR ITS DEMONSTRATION. IN ANY WAY.
    And for this, the pickpocket at my side said. We’re to be paid. Only 10 pence per. Bloody square foot.
    I made a note to myself to ask the Falcon about my rate of pay : the Falcon, when the speech was done, put his arm round my shoulder and took me over to show me my own wall.
    Borse departing on hunt – here, he said. Borse dispensing justice to aged loyal infidel – here. Borse presenting gift to Court Fool – here. St Giorgio day palio – round about here. Gathering of poets – up there. Gathering of university scholars, professors and wise men – up over there. Representation of the Fates – here. Spring image, fertility kind ofthing, use your imagination – that area there. Apollo – there. Venus – there. Minerva – there. All in chariots. Minerva will need unicorns. Venus will need swans. Apollo will need Aurora driving and he’ll need a bow and arrow. He’ll also need a lute and the delphic tripod and the snakeskin.
    I nodded.
    Illustrate the gods from the poems, he said.
    I will, I said none the wiser.
    Now, he said. The decans. For the 3 decans of each month, check the schema in the anteroom. For instance, as the schema shows, and this is very important, Francescho. The first decan of Aries should be dressed in white. He should be tall, dark, powerful, a masterful man of great good power in the world. He is to be the guardian not just of the room but of the whole year. He should be standing next to a ram to symbolize the constellation. And next to that please put a figure which stands for youth and fruitfulness, holding, say, an arrow, for skill and for aim. A self-portrait maybe, Francescho, your own fine face, what do you say?
    He winked an eye at me.
    And over here, April, one of the decans should hold a key. Make the key large. And over here … and here … on and on he went,
and one should have the feet of a camel and one should be holding a javelin and a baton and one should be holding a lizard, and …
    Therewas no space left in all the requirements for asking about payment.
    But I knew my work would speak for itself and bring when done its own due.
    I began with May and Apollo : I worked hard on the horses : I invented 4 falcons all sitting on a birdframe : I added the bow and the arrow but had to give a standing girl minstrel the lute (cause Apollo’s hands were already full with the bow, the arrow and the black hole of the sun which I made a little like a black seed, a burnt walnut or the anus of a cat, which is what the sun looks like if you look too long at the sun).
    What was a delphic tripod?
    I painted a 3-legged stool with a snakeskin draped over it.
    When he saw it, the Falcon nodded.
    (Phew.)
    I painted all the citizens of the Ferara court, not as they looked now but as an infinite crowd of babies swarming out of a hole in the ground as if conjured from nothing, replicating by the second and all as naked as the day they were born, their teething rings around their necks on cords their only jewels and adornments, their arms cordially through each others’ arms as they went their passeggiata.
    When he came up on the scaffolding and saw this the Falcon laughed out loud : he was pleasedenough to drop his hand to my breeches to take hold of me where something or nothing should be.
    Ah! he said.
    I’d surprised him.
    He sobered.
    I see, he said.
    But he put his arm round my shoulder in a brotherly way, and I liked him all the more, the thin scholarly Falcon.
    You caught me out. It’s not at all what I expected after the dishevelled state of my maid when you came to my

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