How I Lost You by Janet Gurtler Page B

didn’t believe me. He may have retired from the police force, but he still had his instincts. He usually knew when I was lying. It used to be always, but as I got older, I was better at it. It wasn’t something that made me particularly proud.
    He cleared his throat. “Aren’t you supposed to play with Lola at the Outdoor Palace today?” he asked. He was right, but if I didn’t leave in the next few minutes, I’d miss the practice. What I wanted and what Kya needed tore at me.
    I paused, avoiding Kya’s gaze. “It’s okay, Dad. They’ve got enough players for two teams. And it’s a practice, not a game.”
    He was silent for a moment and his self-restraint drifted under the door. “You’re not messing things up for them?” he finally asked.
    â€œNo, Lola’s running drills today. She can play if she has to,” I called.
    â€œShe’ll be pissed off,” he muttered.
    Kya and I stared at each other until his footsteps walked away from my door.
    â€œShoot,” I said. “She is going to be pissed.”
    Kya’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry, I’ll go.”
    â€œNo, no, it’s okay.” I said, reaching to hug her. Kya needed me more.
    She wiped under her eyes. “My mouth tastes like I’ve been licking clay, and my head pounds worse than Indie on his old drum set.” Fortunately for all of us, Indie’s rock-and-roll wannabe stage had ended a few years ago.
    â€œMore reasons not to drink.”
    The remorse in her eyes made me feel like I was flaunting my moral standards at her, which would be okay except she was in kind of a vulnerable state. In my heart, I’d already forgiven her for messing up, but I sighed. I’d definitely be missing Lola’s practice today.
    I went to grab my purse from the wicker chair in the corner and pulled out my phone. “I’m going to text Lola and let her know we’re not going to make it.”
    She blinked and concentrated on nail chomping. “You sure? You could go. Your dad’s right. Lola will be pissed. I don’t care, but I know you do.”
    â€œIt’s okay.” I turned the phone on, staring at the screen saver, a picture of Kya, James, and me, our heads mushed together, goofy wide grins on our faces, our arms wrapped around each other.
    I hesitated. Lola would be pissed at me for jamming last minute. She’d wanted to coach me on my snake-side crawls today. She had plans to round me out so I could play the whole paintball field. At one time, Lola had focused more on Kya, but she’d switched more to me.
    I was an honest player, like Lola. We wouldn’t slide or dive to wipe off a paintball hit if we could get away with it. Kya would, given the opportunity. Lola and I both played to win, and we played tough, but we played clean.
    â€œI can tell by your face you want to go. It’s okay. I’m fine,” Kya stood up but her voice was low, her eyes on the floor.
    â€œSit down. You’re not fine.” I punched out a quick text to Lola and then put my phone away. I walked over and sat on the bed beside Kya.
    â€œWhat happened?” I asked softly.
    She didn’t say anything for a minute.
    â€œIt’s okay,” I whispered. “It’s me.”
    â€œHe did it again.” Her voice was robotic.
    â€œWhat do you mean?” I asked slowly.
    She sniffled. “Another girl. Someone else. A girl called my house,” she said in an exaggerated whisper. “He goes to the same church as her. Mr. Born Again. But he raped her. Her lawyer dug up my name. He wasn’t supposed to do that, Gracie. But he did. People do bad shit all the time, but lawyers? The girl tracked down my number.” Her voice was slow.
    â€œOh, sweetie,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
    Sorry that the girl called. Sorry he did it again. Sorry he existed.
    I remembered his face clearly. The way his