superstition or whatever you call it like a crutch!”
“It’s not my imagination that you used me to get a job at ESPN.And maybe you did it a long time ago, but you could have told me. At some point in the endless hours we have spent talking about your career, you could have told me instead of letting me find out in a locker room along with thirty of my closest friends!
“I’m sorry ! I’m sorry it happened, I’m sorry I didn’t think to tell you, and I’m sorry I didn’t know they were going to use that segment!”
“They just used it without your permission?” he exclaimed, disbelieving.
Kelly winced. “I gave them permission to use my materials to promote the show. I just didn’t know how they planned on doing it.”
“Great! So now I can sit around wondering what else is going to pop up on TV while you enjoy very high ratings at my expense! And in the meantime, I guess your beloved Mets can just go down the tubes, right?”
“Will you stop saying that? I am starting to wonder if the only reason you claim to love me is because you believe that somehow, I am making you play well!”
The look on Parker’s face confirmed it. Kelly shrieked with impatience and whirled away from him. “Isn’t this just fabulous! You fell in love with me for some voodooey reason, and not because you loved me. That’s rich, Parker! And look at you, giving me such a load of shit over something you yourself admit to doing!”
He didn’t say anything, and when Kelly whirled around to face him, he sighed. “I don’t know anymore why I fell in love with you,” he said solemnly. “I am second-guessing everything.”
She gasped, but Parker clenched his jaw tightly shut, defiant and angry.
“So . . . you only loved me because you thought I was your lucky charm,” she said flatly.
He didn’t move, didn’t confirm or deny.
“You used me, too, then.”
“Maybe,” he said with a shrug.
“Well at least you’re honest,” she muttered. “So . . . I guess there’s nothing left to say, huh? I guess we’re through.”
He arched one brow above the other but did not argue, and God, how Kelly wanted him to argue. She wanted him to say they couldn’t be through, they were too good together, it was all a big misunderstanding and they’d never make the same mistake again. She wanted him to say he loved her, he’d always loved her, and he didn’t care about baseball or ESPN or anything but her and could not be without her . . .
But Parker just nodded. “I guess we’re through,” he agreed, and turned around and walked out of her apartment, leaving her utterly speechless and suddenly rudderless.
CHAPTER 13
It wasn’t that easy.
A few days had passed, but Parker still couldn’t get the expression on Kelly’s face out of his mind. He couldn’t sleep, thinking of it. He couldn’t eat, thinking of it. He couldn’t seem to concentrate on the game very well because of it.
In the week leading to their breakup, he’d imagined he would catch her red-handed, so to speak, and force her to confess she had used him. He had not counted on it being an old tape, or her not knowing what ESPN was doing with her tape. And he had not imagined hurting her. But that was definitely hurt on her face—he knew it was, because he felt it, too.
He had fallen into a tailspin of emotion. He couldn’t really think straight, and he couldn’t really say why he had fallen in love with her, if he really even loved her, or if he loved the idea of a lucky charm. There was a time when he thought he loved her because she was beautiful and witty and didn’t seek him out for fame or fortune, but genuinely seemed to like who he was. Now hewondered if he hadn’t just worried all along that without her, he couldn’t play. He was, like most baseball players he knew, ridiculously superstitious. This one had to top the list.
Maybe it was ridiculous, but when she was trashing him, he couldn’t play. When she was praising him, he
“It’s not my imagination that you used me to get a job at ESPN.And maybe you did it a long time ago, but you could have told me. At some point in the endless hours we have spent talking about your career, you could have told me instead of letting me find out in a locker room along with thirty of my closest friends!
“I’m sorry ! I’m sorry it happened, I’m sorry I didn’t think to tell you, and I’m sorry I didn’t know they were going to use that segment!”
“They just used it without your permission?” he exclaimed, disbelieving.
Kelly winced. “I gave them permission to use my materials to promote the show. I just didn’t know how they planned on doing it.”
“Great! So now I can sit around wondering what else is going to pop up on TV while you enjoy very high ratings at my expense! And in the meantime, I guess your beloved Mets can just go down the tubes, right?”
“Will you stop saying that? I am starting to wonder if the only reason you claim to love me is because you believe that somehow, I am making you play well!”
The look on Parker’s face confirmed it. Kelly shrieked with impatience and whirled away from him. “Isn’t this just fabulous! You fell in love with me for some voodooey reason, and not because you loved me. That’s rich, Parker! And look at you, giving me such a load of shit over something you yourself admit to doing!”
He didn’t say anything, and when Kelly whirled around to face him, he sighed. “I don’t know anymore why I fell in love with you,” he said solemnly. “I am second-guessing everything.”
She gasped, but Parker clenched his jaw tightly shut, defiant and angry.
“So . . . you only loved me because you thought I was your lucky charm,” she said flatly.
He didn’t move, didn’t confirm or deny.
“You used me, too, then.”
“Maybe,” he said with a shrug.
“Well at least you’re honest,” she muttered. “So . . . I guess there’s nothing left to say, huh? I guess we’re through.”
He arched one brow above the other but did not argue, and God, how Kelly wanted him to argue. She wanted him to say they couldn’t be through, they were too good together, it was all a big misunderstanding and they’d never make the same mistake again. She wanted him to say he loved her, he’d always loved her, and he didn’t care about baseball or ESPN or anything but her and could not be without her . . .
But Parker just nodded. “I guess we’re through,” he agreed, and turned around and walked out of her apartment, leaving her utterly speechless and suddenly rudderless.
CHAPTER 13
It wasn’t that easy.
A few days had passed, but Parker still couldn’t get the expression on Kelly’s face out of his mind. He couldn’t sleep, thinking of it. He couldn’t eat, thinking of it. He couldn’t seem to concentrate on the game very well because of it.
In the week leading to their breakup, he’d imagined he would catch her red-handed, so to speak, and force her to confess she had used him. He had not counted on it being an old tape, or her not knowing what ESPN was doing with her tape. And he had not imagined hurting her. But that was definitely hurt on her face—he knew it was, because he felt it, too.
He had fallen into a tailspin of emotion. He couldn’t really think straight, and he couldn’t really say why he had fallen in love with her, if he really even loved her, or if he loved the idea of a lucky charm. There was a time when he thought he loved her because she was beautiful and witty and didn’t seek him out for fame or fortune, but genuinely seemed to like who he was. Now hewondered if he hadn’t just worried all along that without her, he couldn’t play. He was, like most baseball players he knew, ridiculously superstitious. This one had to top the list.
Maybe it was ridiculous, but when she was trashing him, he couldn’t play. When she was praising him, he
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