at both my wrists for a moment, at the dark slashes on both of them.
“Wear those scars proudly,” Amanda added as she glanced at them too. “Because they mean you’re fighting, that you’re not giving up, and even though you may feel distraught most of the time, you’re making an effort. You’re here, talking to me, reaching out.” Her eyes were sincere as she looked me straight in my eyes. “You’re a fighter.” I bit my lip as she added, “And you’re right, Cass, nobody will ever replace her.” Despair swept through me as I swallowed the lump in my throat. Softly, she asked, “Have you talked to your father about how you feel?”
I shook my head. “We don’t talk about Mom. Ever .” I really hadn’t noticed that until now. We talked about ourselves and everyday things, but we never mentioned Mom. Whether it was too hard or too sad, I didn’t know.
Disappointment flashed through her face. “You have to. You two are dealing with pain, and you’re both trying to work things out by yourselves, but you have to team up, work together.”
Peeved, I bit my lip before adding, “I’m so mad at him, and that makes me feel so guilty at the same time.” I rolled my eyes.
Amanda’s lips formed a sad smile. “Why do you think he’s dating Marie?”
Just hearing those words made my stomach clench. “Mom talked to us about it. She said she didn’t want him to end up alone, that he had to move on and such.”
Bullshit, if you ask me.
“You still disapprove, right?”
My head was hanging low as I nodded. “I shouldn’t have a say in it, though.”
She took a deep breath. “Think about it, Cassie. Why is your father doing this? Just because your mom told him to? Or could there be another reason?” I let her words sink in for a moment.
My stomach churned uneasily as I remembered him crying when he told me Mom had passed away. I remembered him grabbing her cold hand and kissing her on the forehead as her body lay on her bed minutes later after she died.
I teared up as I remembered his sad, glazed eyes when we returned from Mom’s funeral. The despair and the pain in them as we walked inside the house knowing she wasn’t there anymore.
I hadn’t seen him cry since then. Nonetheless, I hadn’t been there, either. Marie probably had.
She was a good person. She just isn’t Mom.
“I’m trying to understand him. I’m just being selfish, I know.”
Amanda squeezed my hand. “Everyone is selfish. It’s human nature. Don’t feel bad about it. You’re hurting because you’re still processing your mom’s death. On the other hand, you feel like your dad is just replacing her.” Her eyes were soft and understanding as she added, “But he isn’t.” My heart felt tight at her words. “No one will replace her, Cassie. No one. ”
Frowning, I whispered, “So, why is he doing this?”
She pulled her hand away and stood up, then sat on her couch. “What if he feels so sad that he might need someone to help him go on? Someone close to your mom? Someone that is hurting as much as him? Someone that misses her too?”
My right hand traced the scar on my other wrist as I thought about it. Marie had always been Mom’s best friend. They were as close as sisters. They had grown up together, and they had supported each other throughout their lives.
Marie was hurting from Mom’s death as much as Dad. They had her in common.
As that thought popped into my head, I couldn’t help but think about Nathan too. How I felt drawn to him because he seemed to understand me. He didn’t judge me; he didn’t pity me. He was there for me, but at the same time, he let me be.
I looked up at Amanda. “What if he’s just trying to survive?” I stuttered. She smiled reassuringly while I stood up and slowly started to pace the room as I added, “They have Mom in common. And probably me too. Marie found me the night I—” I cringed while raising my wrist for a second, “—and she probably helped Dad while
“Wear those scars proudly,” Amanda added as she glanced at them too. “Because they mean you’re fighting, that you’re not giving up, and even though you may feel distraught most of the time, you’re making an effort. You’re here, talking to me, reaching out.” Her eyes were sincere as she looked me straight in my eyes. “You’re a fighter.” I bit my lip as she added, “And you’re right, Cass, nobody will ever replace her.” Despair swept through me as I swallowed the lump in my throat. Softly, she asked, “Have you talked to your father about how you feel?”
I shook my head. “We don’t talk about Mom. Ever .” I really hadn’t noticed that until now. We talked about ourselves and everyday things, but we never mentioned Mom. Whether it was too hard or too sad, I didn’t know.
Disappointment flashed through her face. “You have to. You two are dealing with pain, and you’re both trying to work things out by yourselves, but you have to team up, work together.”
Peeved, I bit my lip before adding, “I’m so mad at him, and that makes me feel so guilty at the same time.” I rolled my eyes.
Amanda’s lips formed a sad smile. “Why do you think he’s dating Marie?”
Just hearing those words made my stomach clench. “Mom talked to us about it. She said she didn’t want him to end up alone, that he had to move on and such.”
Bullshit, if you ask me.
“You still disapprove, right?”
My head was hanging low as I nodded. “I shouldn’t have a say in it, though.”
She took a deep breath. “Think about it, Cassie. Why is your father doing this? Just because your mom told him to? Or could there be another reason?” I let her words sink in for a moment.
My stomach churned uneasily as I remembered him crying when he told me Mom had passed away. I remembered him grabbing her cold hand and kissing her on the forehead as her body lay on her bed minutes later after she died.
I teared up as I remembered his sad, glazed eyes when we returned from Mom’s funeral. The despair and the pain in them as we walked inside the house knowing she wasn’t there anymore.
I hadn’t seen him cry since then. Nonetheless, I hadn’t been there, either. Marie probably had.
She was a good person. She just isn’t Mom.
“I’m trying to understand him. I’m just being selfish, I know.”
Amanda squeezed my hand. “Everyone is selfish. It’s human nature. Don’t feel bad about it. You’re hurting because you’re still processing your mom’s death. On the other hand, you feel like your dad is just replacing her.” Her eyes were soft and understanding as she added, “But he isn’t.” My heart felt tight at her words. “No one will replace her, Cassie. No one. ”
Frowning, I whispered, “So, why is he doing this?”
She pulled her hand away and stood up, then sat on her couch. “What if he feels so sad that he might need someone to help him go on? Someone close to your mom? Someone that is hurting as much as him? Someone that misses her too?”
My right hand traced the scar on my other wrist as I thought about it. Marie had always been Mom’s best friend. They were as close as sisters. They had grown up together, and they had supported each other throughout their lives.
Marie was hurting from Mom’s death as much as Dad. They had her in common.
As that thought popped into my head, I couldn’t help but think about Nathan too. How I felt drawn to him because he seemed to understand me. He didn’t judge me; he didn’t pity me. He was there for me, but at the same time, he let me be.
I looked up at Amanda. “What if he’s just trying to survive?” I stuttered. She smiled reassuringly while I stood up and slowly started to pace the room as I added, “They have Mom in common. And probably me too. Marie found me the night I—” I cringed while raising my wrist for a second, “—and she probably helped Dad while
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