going on in your head?”
“I—I don’t know,” I stammered. “Maybe part of me thinks that. I can’t help it. What’s wrong with me?”
“If you decide to go ahead and have it, I’ll shut my mouth, but right now it seems like a bad idea.” She held her knapsack, with its prickly pink rubber key chain dangling off it, in front of my face, as if to prove a point. “We’re really young, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“How different would it be if we were, like, twenty-four?” I asked.
“That’s still young!” she exclaimed. “But at least you’d have a college degree. You’d have a shot.”
“Is college really necessary anymore?”
She shook her head. “What are you talking about?”
“I don’t know, is it?” I shrugged.
“I don’t know what to say, Thee,” she said, brushing her hand across my stomach. “Jesus, babe, what a moosh you are. You can’t let go of anything, can you?”
18.
I got it into my stupid head to tell Will at Dad’s Pave the Way benefit a few days later. I didn’t know what I’d say or how I’d say it, but I thought a gorgeous candlelit ballroom would help romanticize the whole thing and make him see things my way, even though I wasn’t sure what my way was. I’d found an old forest-green suede tunic of Mom’s and dressed it up with long beads and a black chain belt that hid my stomach and showed off my arms.
“That is so Fiona,” Vanessa said when I tried it on for her that afternoon. “I’m so having a visual of Fiona with her bangs and her huge black leather bag, walking around in that a few years ago. God, she has the best clothes.”
“It’s okay, right?” I asked, tugging at the sides and cinching the chain belt around the narrowest part of my waist, which at that point was up around my rib cage. I looked up and caught Vanessa staring up at my bulging stomach.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing,” she said, still staring. “You haven’t told him yet, have you?”
“No,” I said. “Check out my scarf.” I gestured to the balled-up crochet project still on my bedside table. “It’s coming out lopsided. What am I doing wrong?”
She looked at me long and hard and I braced myself for a lecture. She’d been silent on the subject and I, of course, never brought it up, so it was hard to know what she was thinking. She just rolled over and grabbed the scarf while I quickly pulled the dress over my shoulders.
I was the first one to arrive at the hotel that night. I waswatching a guy in the lobby jewelry shop take coral necklaces out of the window boxes when Will slid through the revolving door, eyes darting around. He spotted me and walked across the lobby.
“Hey.” He gave me a nervous kiss. “You look great.”
“So do you,” I said. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” he said, looking at me like I was crazy. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Why are you answering my question with a question?” I said.
“What, does that bother you?”
“Does it bother me?” I asked.
“Does it bother you?” he repeated.
“Shut up.”
“No, you shut up,” he said.
“No, you.”
Dad came up the steps behind us. I was sure he’d heard Will tell me to shut up.
“Hello, kids,” Dad said. His tux was blacker than Will’s. I’d thought black was black, one shade. “Good to see you again, Will.” Will missed a beat before shaking Dad’s outstretched hand.
“You too, Ted.”
“Where’s Elizabeth?” Dad’s eyes started darting around the room like Will’s, and I thought maybe it was a survival thing men did when they were nervous. Elizabeth Ransom was Dad’s friend from growing up on Charter Island. I didn’t think they’d ever done it, but I wasn’t positive.
I shook my head. “We just got here.”
I wished Will would say “Thanks for inviting me,” or “What does Pave the Way do, exactly, Mr. Galehouse?” But hejust stood there, his tux accentuating the broadness of his shoulders.
“Are you speaking tonight?” I
“I—I don’t know,” I stammered. “Maybe part of me thinks that. I can’t help it. What’s wrong with me?”
“If you decide to go ahead and have it, I’ll shut my mouth, but right now it seems like a bad idea.” She held her knapsack, with its prickly pink rubber key chain dangling off it, in front of my face, as if to prove a point. “We’re really young, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“How different would it be if we were, like, twenty-four?” I asked.
“That’s still young!” she exclaimed. “But at least you’d have a college degree. You’d have a shot.”
“Is college really necessary anymore?”
She shook her head. “What are you talking about?”
“I don’t know, is it?” I shrugged.
“I don’t know what to say, Thee,” she said, brushing her hand across my stomach. “Jesus, babe, what a moosh you are. You can’t let go of anything, can you?”
18.
I got it into my stupid head to tell Will at Dad’s Pave the Way benefit a few days later. I didn’t know what I’d say or how I’d say it, but I thought a gorgeous candlelit ballroom would help romanticize the whole thing and make him see things my way, even though I wasn’t sure what my way was. I’d found an old forest-green suede tunic of Mom’s and dressed it up with long beads and a black chain belt that hid my stomach and showed off my arms.
“That is so Fiona,” Vanessa said when I tried it on for her that afternoon. “I’m so having a visual of Fiona with her bangs and her huge black leather bag, walking around in that a few years ago. God, she has the best clothes.”
“It’s okay, right?” I asked, tugging at the sides and cinching the chain belt around the narrowest part of my waist, which at that point was up around my rib cage. I looked up and caught Vanessa staring up at my bulging stomach.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing,” she said, still staring. “You haven’t told him yet, have you?”
“No,” I said. “Check out my scarf.” I gestured to the balled-up crochet project still on my bedside table. “It’s coming out lopsided. What am I doing wrong?”
She looked at me long and hard and I braced myself for a lecture. She’d been silent on the subject and I, of course, never brought it up, so it was hard to know what she was thinking. She just rolled over and grabbed the scarf while I quickly pulled the dress over my shoulders.
I was the first one to arrive at the hotel that night. I waswatching a guy in the lobby jewelry shop take coral necklaces out of the window boxes when Will slid through the revolving door, eyes darting around. He spotted me and walked across the lobby.
“Hey.” He gave me a nervous kiss. “You look great.”
“So do you,” I said. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” he said, looking at me like I was crazy. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Why are you answering my question with a question?” I said.
“What, does that bother you?”
“Does it bother me?” I asked.
“Does it bother you?” he repeated.
“Shut up.”
“No, you shut up,” he said.
“No, you.”
Dad came up the steps behind us. I was sure he’d heard Will tell me to shut up.
“Hello, kids,” Dad said. His tux was blacker than Will’s. I’d thought black was black, one shade. “Good to see you again, Will.” Will missed a beat before shaking Dad’s outstretched hand.
“You too, Ted.”
“Where’s Elizabeth?” Dad’s eyes started darting around the room like Will’s, and I thought maybe it was a survival thing men did when they were nervous. Elizabeth Ransom was Dad’s friend from growing up on Charter Island. I didn’t think they’d ever done it, but I wasn’t positive.
I shook my head. “We just got here.”
I wished Will would say “Thanks for inviting me,” or “What does Pave the Way do, exactly, Mr. Galehouse?” But hejust stood there, his tux accentuating the broadness of his shoulders.
“Are you speaking tonight?” I
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