with lingering issues from the death of my
first wife, and I stuck to that ‘I’m fine’ story like glue. And all it did was
shut Jessica out. It made it impossible for our marriage to grow, for me to
love her as much as I wanted to.”
“He’s not judging,” Jessica put in gently, leaning her head
onto Daniel’s shoulder in sweet gesture of absolute trust that Sophie suddenly
envied with an intensity she’d never felt before. “If there’s a mistake to be
made, Daniel has made it first.” She giggled at the mock-outrage on her
husband’s face. “So have I.”
Mark was relaxing a little now, evidently deciding that the
other couple wasn’t attacking them after all. Sophie exhaled in relief. She
always seemed to be so worried about Mark’s responses that she barely had time
to process her own.
“We’re doing our best,” she said, looking over at Mark. She
had another moment of disorientation, as if the man sitting beside her wasn’t
the man she had married. “It takes time.”
Mark looked over at her, holding her gaze for a minute. She
wasn’t sure how to read the expression in his eyes.
“Yeah, I know it takes time,” Daniel said, in a gentler
tone. “Everything that’s worth anything does.”
***
Mark and Sophie were quiet on the
way home, both of them lost in their own thoughts.
Before they’d reached the apartment, Sophie realized that
Daniel was right in wondering whether they were being real with each other.
She didn’t know about Mark, but she knew she wasn’t always
being real. She wanted to be hopeful. She wanted to be strong. She didn’t want
him to see that she had any worries and doubts.
Maybe that wasn’t actually being honest with him like she’d
wanted to be.
She was praying about it as they walked into the apartment,
trying to think of a way to bring it up that wouldn’t make her sound like she
was discontent with their relationship. She was still trying to think of
something to say as they took off their coats and gloves.
It was late, and she was tired, so she went into the
bedroom, sitting on the bed and toeing off her shoes.
Mark followed her and then stood looking down at her.
“You’re thinking about what he said.” He appeared slightly wary but not
resentful or annoyed.
His comment made it easy to bring her concerns up. “Yeah.
Are you?”
He nodded and sat down on the bed beside her. “I know things
haven’t been good between us. I know you haven’t been happy.”
“I have been happy,” she said in a rush, reaching over to
take his hand. “You have no idea how happy I am to have you back.”
“But I’m not the man you expected to come back.” He was
staring down at the floor, but he didn’t pull his hand away from hers.
She took a shaky breath before she replied, “I’d be silly to
think you’d be exactly the same. I can’t even imagine what you went through.
I’d like to know more about it, when you’re ready to tell me. It might help me
understand more…more about what you’re dealing with now.”
He opened his mouth and then closed it again. “I’m not ready
yet.”
“That’s okay. I’m not making any demands on you. I just want
to…I just want to…”
“What do you want?” He turned to look at her suddenly, his
brown eyes dark and intense. “Please tell me what you want, Sophie. I want you
to be happy. I keep trying to be who I used to be, but I feel like I’m
constantly disappointing you, like I’m not able to be the man you want. I can’t
stand to feel like I’m no longer able to make you happy.”
She was almost trembling with emotion as she clung to his
hand. “You’ve never disappointed me. I just want to be able to help you, and I
don’t feel like I’ve been any help at all.”
“You are helping me. Of course, you are.”
“How?” The one word was almost a whisper. She felt completely
helpless in the face of a world that had damaged him this way, and she hated
the feeling.
It was Mark’s turn to
first wife, and I stuck to that ‘I’m fine’ story like glue. And all it did was
shut Jessica out. It made it impossible for our marriage to grow, for me to
love her as much as I wanted to.”
“He’s not judging,” Jessica put in gently, leaning her head
onto Daniel’s shoulder in sweet gesture of absolute trust that Sophie suddenly
envied with an intensity she’d never felt before. “If there’s a mistake to be
made, Daniel has made it first.” She giggled at the mock-outrage on her
husband’s face. “So have I.”
Mark was relaxing a little now, evidently deciding that the
other couple wasn’t attacking them after all. Sophie exhaled in relief. She
always seemed to be so worried about Mark’s responses that she barely had time
to process her own.
“We’re doing our best,” she said, looking over at Mark. She
had another moment of disorientation, as if the man sitting beside her wasn’t
the man she had married. “It takes time.”
Mark looked over at her, holding her gaze for a minute. She
wasn’t sure how to read the expression in his eyes.
“Yeah, I know it takes time,” Daniel said, in a gentler
tone. “Everything that’s worth anything does.”
***
Mark and Sophie were quiet on the
way home, both of them lost in their own thoughts.
Before they’d reached the apartment, Sophie realized that
Daniel was right in wondering whether they were being real with each other.
She didn’t know about Mark, but she knew she wasn’t always
being real. She wanted to be hopeful. She wanted to be strong. She didn’t want
him to see that she had any worries and doubts.
Maybe that wasn’t actually being honest with him like she’d
wanted to be.
She was praying about it as they walked into the apartment,
trying to think of a way to bring it up that wouldn’t make her sound like she
was discontent with their relationship. She was still trying to think of
something to say as they took off their coats and gloves.
It was late, and she was tired, so she went into the
bedroom, sitting on the bed and toeing off her shoes.
Mark followed her and then stood looking down at her.
“You’re thinking about what he said.” He appeared slightly wary but not
resentful or annoyed.
His comment made it easy to bring her concerns up. “Yeah.
Are you?”
He nodded and sat down on the bed beside her. “I know things
haven’t been good between us. I know you haven’t been happy.”
“I have been happy,” she said in a rush, reaching over to
take his hand. “You have no idea how happy I am to have you back.”
“But I’m not the man you expected to come back.” He was
staring down at the floor, but he didn’t pull his hand away from hers.
She took a shaky breath before she replied, “I’d be silly to
think you’d be exactly the same. I can’t even imagine what you went through.
I’d like to know more about it, when you’re ready to tell me. It might help me
understand more…more about what you’re dealing with now.”
He opened his mouth and then closed it again. “I’m not ready
yet.”
“That’s okay. I’m not making any demands on you. I just want
to…I just want to…”
“What do you want?” He turned to look at her suddenly, his
brown eyes dark and intense. “Please tell me what you want, Sophie. I want you
to be happy. I keep trying to be who I used to be, but I feel like I’m
constantly disappointing you, like I’m not able to be the man you want. I can’t
stand to feel like I’m no longer able to make you happy.”
She was almost trembling with emotion as she clung to his
hand. “You’ve never disappointed me. I just want to be able to help you, and I
don’t feel like I’ve been any help at all.”
“You are helping me. Of course, you are.”
“How?” The one word was almost a whisper. She felt completely
helpless in the face of a world that had damaged him this way, and she hated
the feeling.
It was Mark’s turn to
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