forget...”
“Fuck the prophecies!”
“Probably a good attitude to take. Get your coat.”
“Where...”
“To her place, obviously. Do you think the witches are going to be fucking around here?”
“Well...”
“Fine, bad example. What about Boston? They have a lot of shit on their plate. They’re gonna want this bagged and tagged quickly.”
I turned a shade paler at her words. That was exactly what I was hoping to avoid. “Let’s go.”
“Do you know where she lives? Wait, stupid question, never mind.”
Gate Crashers
Fortunately, Sheila didn’t live too far away. Considering the time, we decided it made sense to go by foot. The trains ran less frequently at that hour, and there would also be a lot of fucking weirdos on them. The streets were fairly empty in the more residential blocks. That allowed us to put our vampiric speed to good use. Sticking to the shadows, we maintained a pace that would have put even a world class sprinter to shame. Within minutes we were at the stoop of Sheila’s building.
I paused and looked around. This was where it had happened. Though any evidence was long gone, I knew exactly where I had been standing when the best moment of my life had morphed into the worst in a white hot sheet of magical flame.
“What is it?”
“This is where I was blown across the street.”
“Guys are way too preoccupied with getting blown.” I glared at her. “Oh lighten up, Bill. You’re depressing me.”
“Let’s focus on why we’re here.”
“Gladly. The sooner we can say bon voyage, the better. Decker and Colin can jerk each other off while they sweep the city, and we can get on with life.”
“You think Decker will give up?”
“No. But I think there will be ample opportunity to kill his ass.”
“Not quite my favorite type of happy ending, but I wouldn’t argue against it.”
“Thought not,” she replied with a smirk, starting up the stairs.
“So, what do we do?”
“We get in, obviously.”
“Uh yeah...heh, not quite how I envisioned my first visit to her apartment.”
“I’d offer to give you some alone time, but I left the asbestos condoms in my other dress.”
I let out a heavy sigh. At this rate, I’d be standing there bantering with Sally on the front stoop until the sun came up. Wouldn’t that be an inglorious end to things? At the very least, though, it would give the prophets of the supernatural world a gigantic kick to the balls. That alone almost made it worth it...almost.
I pushed past Sally and pressed the bell for Sheila’s apartment.
“Sure that’s hers?”
“Yep. Apartment Two-B.”
“There’s no name on it.”
“Trust me on this.”
“It’s kind of cute that you know so much about her, in a creepy restraining order sort of way.”
“I’m sure you’d know all about those.”
“Only how to ignore them. How long are you going to press that thing anyway? You could have woken up a narcoleptic by now.”
“She might be a deep sleeper.”
“Or, as I said, she might not be here.”
“Not helping.”
“Enjoying a nice evening out...”
“Sally,” I warned.
“...playing a game of hide the sausage with a guy who won’t spontaneously combust next to her...”
“Maybe one of her neighbors will let us in,” I tried desperately to focus, despite an urgent need to clock her.
“Oh get out of the way.” She grabbed the door handle and turned, twisting until the lock snapped. “Keys are for pussies.”
“You’re lucky there isn’t a doorman,” I whispered, following her in.
“No, Bill. A doorman is lucky he’s not here.”
* * *
Thankfully, the halls were empty. Nobody on the first floor appeared to have heard us breaking and entering. Sally might be just old enough to be officially off the grid, but I was still a hardworking, tax paying citizen as far as New York City was concerned. Getting arrested for burglary wasn’t high on my list.
We walked up to the second floor, still unseen. Finally
“Fuck the prophecies!”
“Probably a good attitude to take. Get your coat.”
“Where...”
“To her place, obviously. Do you think the witches are going to be fucking around here?”
“Well...”
“Fine, bad example. What about Boston? They have a lot of shit on their plate. They’re gonna want this bagged and tagged quickly.”
I turned a shade paler at her words. That was exactly what I was hoping to avoid. “Let’s go.”
“Do you know where she lives? Wait, stupid question, never mind.”
Gate Crashers
Fortunately, Sheila didn’t live too far away. Considering the time, we decided it made sense to go by foot. The trains ran less frequently at that hour, and there would also be a lot of fucking weirdos on them. The streets were fairly empty in the more residential blocks. That allowed us to put our vampiric speed to good use. Sticking to the shadows, we maintained a pace that would have put even a world class sprinter to shame. Within minutes we were at the stoop of Sheila’s building.
I paused and looked around. This was where it had happened. Though any evidence was long gone, I knew exactly where I had been standing when the best moment of my life had morphed into the worst in a white hot sheet of magical flame.
“What is it?”
“This is where I was blown across the street.”
“Guys are way too preoccupied with getting blown.” I glared at her. “Oh lighten up, Bill. You’re depressing me.”
“Let’s focus on why we’re here.”
“Gladly. The sooner we can say bon voyage, the better. Decker and Colin can jerk each other off while they sweep the city, and we can get on with life.”
“You think Decker will give up?”
“No. But I think there will be ample opportunity to kill his ass.”
“Not quite my favorite type of happy ending, but I wouldn’t argue against it.”
“Thought not,” she replied with a smirk, starting up the stairs.
“So, what do we do?”
“We get in, obviously.”
“Uh yeah...heh, not quite how I envisioned my first visit to her apartment.”
“I’d offer to give you some alone time, but I left the asbestos condoms in my other dress.”
I let out a heavy sigh. At this rate, I’d be standing there bantering with Sally on the front stoop until the sun came up. Wouldn’t that be an inglorious end to things? At the very least, though, it would give the prophets of the supernatural world a gigantic kick to the balls. That alone almost made it worth it...almost.
I pushed past Sally and pressed the bell for Sheila’s apartment.
“Sure that’s hers?”
“Yep. Apartment Two-B.”
“There’s no name on it.”
“Trust me on this.”
“It’s kind of cute that you know so much about her, in a creepy restraining order sort of way.”
“I’m sure you’d know all about those.”
“Only how to ignore them. How long are you going to press that thing anyway? You could have woken up a narcoleptic by now.”
“She might be a deep sleeper.”
“Or, as I said, she might not be here.”
“Not helping.”
“Enjoying a nice evening out...”
“Sally,” I warned.
“...playing a game of hide the sausage with a guy who won’t spontaneously combust next to her...”
“Maybe one of her neighbors will let us in,” I tried desperately to focus, despite an urgent need to clock her.
“Oh get out of the way.” She grabbed the door handle and turned, twisting until the lock snapped. “Keys are for pussies.”
“You’re lucky there isn’t a doorman,” I whispered, following her in.
“No, Bill. A doorman is lucky he’s not here.”
* * *
Thankfully, the halls were empty. Nobody on the first floor appeared to have heard us breaking and entering. Sally might be just old enough to be officially off the grid, but I was still a hardworking, tax paying citizen as far as New York City was concerned. Getting arrested for burglary wasn’t high on my list.
We walked up to the second floor, still unseen. Finally
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