Holding On by Karen Stivali Page B

the baby’s mouth. “Is there anyone in the waiting room you need to show this new boy off to? Or should I take you to Marienne’s room to wait for her.”
    “The room is fine, thanks.” He felt a sharp pang as he said the words. There was no one in the waiting room. Tears stung the back of his eyes. Ever since he’d found out that Marienne was pregnant he’d been thinking about his mother. How happy she would have been to know that he was going to be a father. Now that the baby was here, the reality hit him hard. The one person he most wanted to tell wasn’t there to share his joy. He hoped that somehow she knew anyway.
    “Have a seat, Daddy. Marienne should be in recovery for a little while then they’ll bring her in.”
    “Can I see her, in recovery?”
    “If you’d like, sure. Just press this button.” She picked up the small plastic tube that was attached to the bed rail. “That’ll call a nurse to take the baby to the nursery.”
    “Thank you.”
    “You’re welcome.” She smiled. “You got a name picked out yet?”
    “Yes, Andrew. Marienne wants to call him Drew.”
    “Drew. I like that. Congratulations.” She patted his shoulder then turned and left the room.
    Daniel rocked back and forth in the chair. Drew squirmed, his tiny arms making their way free from the blanket. He whimpered then managed to get his hand to his mouth. He sucked his fingers hard.
    “That’s what you were doing when your mum and I saw pictures of you.” Daniel crossed his legs and lay Drew across them, unwrapping the blanket to get a better look at him. Ten tiny red toes, ten long pink fingers. One bizarre looking belly button clamp sticking out of the cutaway part of the tiny diaper. Drew flailed his limbs around, still sucking. His hand slipped out of his mouth, and he started to cry.
    “Okay,” Daniel said, trying to wrap the blanket back around him. The kicking legs made it impossible for him to tuck it all in properly. How did Marienne always manage to get Ella wrapped so perfectly? He tried again, doing a makeshift tuck and fold. He held Drew to his shoulder and stood up. His head smelled wonderful, like warm buttered bread. Drew shrieked, and Daniel started pacing back and forth. “You’re okay.” He rubbed his tiny back through the blanket and kissed the side of his velvety head. “I know, you miss your mum. I do too.” Drew quieted as he talked. Daniel swayed from side to side. “Let’s go see if we can see mummy yet.”
    ****
    It’s a boy. We have a son . Marienne repeated the words over and over. Her eyelids were so heavy she couldn’t lift them but she could hear everything around her. The bed she was lying on was moving, wheeling down a hallway. She heard doors swing past each other. Someone touched her arm, taping down the IV tubes.
    “How you feeling Marienne?” a soft voice asked.
    Her eyes fluttered open and she saw a small, grey-haired nurse checking the monitor alongside her bed.
    “Okay.” Her voice was thick and slow. “Where’s my husband? Where’s the baby?”
    “I don’t know, sweetie. I’ll go check for you. If you need something you push this button.” She placed something in Marienne’s hand and closed her fingers around it. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
    Marienne nodded, her eyes drifting closed again. When she opened them, Daniel was walking toward her.
    “Is he okay?” she asked, searching his face.
    He smiled and she relaxed.
    “He’s beautiful.” He bent and kissed her, running his hand over her hair. “You’re beautiful.”
    She snorted then winced. The epidural was beginning to wear off, and she was feeling very sore.
    “Are you okay?” Daniel’s eyes darkened. “Do you want me to get the nurse?”
    “I’m fine. It just hurts.”
    “I’m sorry. What can I do?”
    “Just sit with me. I’m so glad you’re here.”
    “Of course I’m here.” He rubbed her arm. “Where else would I be?”
    Tears started streaming from her eyes. A huge lump