trust him with that information?”
“I trusted him. It wasn’t like that.” She stared down at her hands—he’d noted when she’d come to speak with him in the hospital in Africa that she wasn’t wearing the wedding band anymore. Now she held her hand up, acknowledging what he’d noted. “I took it off a week after I got back from the DRC. It took a while for me to get used to my hand without it.”
“It’s always hard to lose someone special.”
She laughed, a short, almost harsh sound. “Mike was planning on leaving me. I found a letter. He wrote it a few nights before he died.”
“I’m sorry, Jamie.”
“I failed him in so many ways. All because I was doing what I was supposed to, according to the great gods of witness protection. I told myself I was protecting him by not telling him everything, but really I was protecting myself.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “He said that I was cold. And he was right—I am.”
“You were,” he corrected. “On the plane in Africa, in the hotel last week, tonight when I made you come, you were anything but cold.”
“So I just needed the right man?” She sounded angry about that. He should’ve tread more carefully. But hell, that had never been his nature.
“Yeah, I think you needed the right man. Needed to let yourself go. It sounds like with Mike … you must not have had passion between you. He was a fool to want to let you go.”
She jerked away from him. “Don’t you dare say anything bad about him. He loved me. I know that. I’m not the easiest person in the world to live with, to love, and he did it for years.”
“I’m not, Jamie.”
“We had to hide the fact that we were together from everyone. Sometimes, I think that was a mistake—if I’d told my supervisor, gotten another partner, even quit and found something else to do …” She shook her head. “We hid what we had—that was a big part of the problem.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it, Jamie. Because anyone who sees us with each other, whether we’re sitting across a table in a lawyer’s office or walking side by side in the grocery store, would know we were together—it’s not something we could hide for years from friends or colleagues.”
“You didn’t tell your CO, did you?” she demanded.
“I haven’t told him anything, but he’s not stupid. We’re not going to be able to hide things between us for much longer.”
“Get out.” She pulled herself from his embrace, as things quickly went from fire to ice.
Yeah, he had that effect with his honesty. “I’m leaving this room, this house, but I’m not leaving you here alone.”
“I’m not alone. And I already told you, I’ve had a hell of a lot of practice keeping myself safe.”
“There are all different kinds of safe, Jamie—all different ways to fake it too.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets, turned and ducked his head slightly on his way out the door, the habit of a man whose height trained him to do so.
But she wasn’t letting it go—she was still so angry, at the entire situation, at him especially, and he’d been prepared to bear the brunt of that anger. Still, he hadn’t realized how much it would fucking hurt.
“This isn’t your job, Chris.”
“Anything that involves you possibly being hurt is my job. I don’t give a damn if you don’t get that right now.”
“You’re going to get me fired.”
“The FBI doesn’t know I’m here.” He paused and then let some of his own anger loose. “You think I like screwing myself and Cam? That it’s fun watching my career go down the drain because I can’t remember, point by point, what the fuck happened during that riot?” he demanded, and then lowered his voice. “Just let me do what I need to do.”
“What you need to do is stop trying to control this situation. You have your own to deal with.”
“You are my situation. Don’t you get that? Ever since I first kissed you … And I’m not going to let
“I trusted him. It wasn’t like that.” She stared down at her hands—he’d noted when she’d come to speak with him in the hospital in Africa that she wasn’t wearing the wedding band anymore. Now she held her hand up, acknowledging what he’d noted. “I took it off a week after I got back from the DRC. It took a while for me to get used to my hand without it.”
“It’s always hard to lose someone special.”
She laughed, a short, almost harsh sound. “Mike was planning on leaving me. I found a letter. He wrote it a few nights before he died.”
“I’m sorry, Jamie.”
“I failed him in so many ways. All because I was doing what I was supposed to, according to the great gods of witness protection. I told myself I was protecting him by not telling him everything, but really I was protecting myself.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “He said that I was cold. And he was right—I am.”
“You were,” he corrected. “On the plane in Africa, in the hotel last week, tonight when I made you come, you were anything but cold.”
“So I just needed the right man?” She sounded angry about that. He should’ve tread more carefully. But hell, that had never been his nature.
“Yeah, I think you needed the right man. Needed to let yourself go. It sounds like with Mike … you must not have had passion between you. He was a fool to want to let you go.”
She jerked away from him. “Don’t you dare say anything bad about him. He loved me. I know that. I’m not the easiest person in the world to live with, to love, and he did it for years.”
“I’m not, Jamie.”
“We had to hide the fact that we were together from everyone. Sometimes, I think that was a mistake—if I’d told my supervisor, gotten another partner, even quit and found something else to do …” She shook her head. “We hid what we had—that was a big part of the problem.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it, Jamie. Because anyone who sees us with each other, whether we’re sitting across a table in a lawyer’s office or walking side by side in the grocery store, would know we were together—it’s not something we could hide for years from friends or colleagues.”
“You didn’t tell your CO, did you?” she demanded.
“I haven’t told him anything, but he’s not stupid. We’re not going to be able to hide things between us for much longer.”
“Get out.” She pulled herself from his embrace, as things quickly went from fire to ice.
Yeah, he had that effect with his honesty. “I’m leaving this room, this house, but I’m not leaving you here alone.”
“I’m not alone. And I already told you, I’ve had a hell of a lot of practice keeping myself safe.”
“There are all different kinds of safe, Jamie—all different ways to fake it too.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets, turned and ducked his head slightly on his way out the door, the habit of a man whose height trained him to do so.
But she wasn’t letting it go—she was still so angry, at the entire situation, at him especially, and he’d been prepared to bear the brunt of that anger. Still, he hadn’t realized how much it would fucking hurt.
“This isn’t your job, Chris.”
“Anything that involves you possibly being hurt is my job. I don’t give a damn if you don’t get that right now.”
“You’re going to get me fired.”
“The FBI doesn’t know I’m here.” He paused and then let some of his own anger loose. “You think I like screwing myself and Cam? That it’s fun watching my career go down the drain because I can’t remember, point by point, what the fuck happened during that riot?” he demanded, and then lowered his voice. “Just let me do what I need to do.”
“What you need to do is stop trying to control this situation. You have your own to deal with.”
“You are my situation. Don’t you get that? Ever since I first kissed you … And I’m not going to let
Similar Books
