leaving the house of another woman I just fucked. I can’t do it anymore. I have to find a way to get my life on track and not turn to casual sex when things get rough. I need to make this work somehow with Sam and get rid of Tarryn in the process.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I contemplate making the phone call just to hear her voice. Fuck it. I don’t care if she told me not to call her. It was her face I imagined while I just got off inside another woman. I imagined her toned legs wrapped tightly around my hips, and the only sounds I could hear were her sultry moans of my name creeping from her lips. How cheap and low can I feel right now after that thought?
Tapping on the speaker for the phone, I speak her name, and it starts ringing. After the fourth ring, she finally picks up.
“Hey.”
“Hey, Sam, I know you told me not to call you, but…”
“Josh,” she says, and it sounds as if she’s crying. “I was going to call you. I—I—I need your help.”
“What’s the matter? What do you need? Are you hurt?”
I hear her sighing. “I can’t tell you over the phone. Can you come by the house?”
“Yeah, of course, Sam. I just need to stop by my place and change, but I’ll be over.”
“Thank you. And, Josh? I’m so sorry for the other night. I never meant…I mean, I didn’t mean what I said. What I need to tell you might make you understand me better.”
“Please, don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong. When I get there, we’ll talk, okay? You want me to bring booze?”
“Better bring Jack with you.”
My eyes widen at this change of pace. This really can’t be good. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
“Bye, Josh. Thanks.”
“Anytime, Sam.”
Everyone was driving me up a wall, telling me I needed to talk to someone besides my roommates about my inability to have a physical connection with a guy. I still had no idea why I went crazy when Josh came up behind me at the bowling alley. We were having a good time, and then the minute he touched me without my knowing, I went all RAD on his ass. Flashbacks flooded my mind, and the only thing I saw was Stone.
I needed time to get this nightmare in my head in order. When I disappeared into the ladies’ room away from Josh, I thought about what needed to be done. The only thing I could do was separate myself from him.
I called my mom the next morning from the sanctity of my bedroom, the only place I felt safe from the world. I sat wrapped in a cocoon of blankets at my bedroom window bench and watched as cardinals and chickadees fluttered about in the tree out in the yard. I listened to my mom tell me that it might be time to start talking out my fears from my past. This meant rehashing all my shit with my roommates about what was going on in my head.
Although it was comforting to know my mom would always be there for me if I needed her, she told me I also needed to find a way to tell Josh what happened. The longer I keep him in the dark, the more I will push him away, and unless I want to continue to live my life single and unhappy, I need to do this.
She is right. I need to tell him. I truly do want to have a normal relationship with him, but tiptoeing around him constantly isn’t the way to start off. If he had known the truth upfront, we might not have had the ending to our date like we did.
I’ve spent the past few days talking to Drew, my roommates, and even my lawyer from Dad’s office. With Stone’s parole hearing coming up next week, it’s apparent that is the source of more stress and anxiety in my head.
Drew convinced me of what Mom had already said. I need to talk to Josh. Tell him my thoughts. If I truly want our connection to deepen into something more, I need to open up to him. Face my fears head on, regardless of Stone’s parole outcome. Drew said he would handle working with the lawyers in the Boston office for the next week and keep me informed, but that I needed to live my life.
I have been sitting here
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I contemplate making the phone call just to hear her voice. Fuck it. I don’t care if she told me not to call her. It was her face I imagined while I just got off inside another woman. I imagined her toned legs wrapped tightly around my hips, and the only sounds I could hear were her sultry moans of my name creeping from her lips. How cheap and low can I feel right now after that thought?
Tapping on the speaker for the phone, I speak her name, and it starts ringing. After the fourth ring, she finally picks up.
“Hey.”
“Hey, Sam, I know you told me not to call you, but…”
“Josh,” she says, and it sounds as if she’s crying. “I was going to call you. I—I—I need your help.”
“What’s the matter? What do you need? Are you hurt?”
I hear her sighing. “I can’t tell you over the phone. Can you come by the house?”
“Yeah, of course, Sam. I just need to stop by my place and change, but I’ll be over.”
“Thank you. And, Josh? I’m so sorry for the other night. I never meant…I mean, I didn’t mean what I said. What I need to tell you might make you understand me better.”
“Please, don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong. When I get there, we’ll talk, okay? You want me to bring booze?”
“Better bring Jack with you.”
My eyes widen at this change of pace. This really can’t be good. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
“Bye, Josh. Thanks.”
“Anytime, Sam.”
Everyone was driving me up a wall, telling me I needed to talk to someone besides my roommates about my inability to have a physical connection with a guy. I still had no idea why I went crazy when Josh came up behind me at the bowling alley. We were having a good time, and then the minute he touched me without my knowing, I went all RAD on his ass. Flashbacks flooded my mind, and the only thing I saw was Stone.
I needed time to get this nightmare in my head in order. When I disappeared into the ladies’ room away from Josh, I thought about what needed to be done. The only thing I could do was separate myself from him.
I called my mom the next morning from the sanctity of my bedroom, the only place I felt safe from the world. I sat wrapped in a cocoon of blankets at my bedroom window bench and watched as cardinals and chickadees fluttered about in the tree out in the yard. I listened to my mom tell me that it might be time to start talking out my fears from my past. This meant rehashing all my shit with my roommates about what was going on in my head.
Although it was comforting to know my mom would always be there for me if I needed her, she told me I also needed to find a way to tell Josh what happened. The longer I keep him in the dark, the more I will push him away, and unless I want to continue to live my life single and unhappy, I need to do this.
She is right. I need to tell him. I truly do want to have a normal relationship with him, but tiptoeing around him constantly isn’t the way to start off. If he had known the truth upfront, we might not have had the ending to our date like we did.
I’ve spent the past few days talking to Drew, my roommates, and even my lawyer from Dad’s office. With Stone’s parole hearing coming up next week, it’s apparent that is the source of more stress and anxiety in my head.
Drew convinced me of what Mom had already said. I need to talk to Josh. Tell him my thoughts. If I truly want our connection to deepen into something more, I need to open up to him. Face my fears head on, regardless of Stone’s parole outcome. Drew said he would handle working with the lawyers in the Boston office for the next week and keep me informed, but that I needed to live my life.
I have been sitting here
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