Here & Now by Melyssa Winchester, Joey Winchester

been ready for a while. It’s hard not to notice it when we’re alone together, both of us caught up in the moment, heated and close. There’s a tug of war happening every single time we find ourselves that way and I never know which way it’s gonna end up except we always stop.
    We have to stop because in my head, same as I think it is in hers, this isn’t about getting off, releasing tension or fucking the way it is with other people. For me and Caddy, it’s a hell of a lot more.
    The trip to the cemetery. It’s another thing that wasn’t planned out, but with the way the conversation was going, how open we both seemed to be, eager to tell each other all of the things we’d been keeping locked away inside the entire time I was away, there was nowhere else I needed to be with her.
    It turned out better than I imagined and I’m really fucking glad I opened my mouth for once. That I told her the truth about wanting to be with her because now that we’re here, and we’re walking the hall that’s gonna take us to the room I booked for us, what we want is out there on the table and there isn’t any room for fuckups or misunderstandings.
    She wants me. Cadence wants me to be her first.
    I just hate that I can’t give the same in return.  That a drunken night four years took that away from her. If I had known then what I do now, I would have waited. I don’t give a fuck if I walked around with aching balls or a worn out dick from all the jerking I had to do, it would have been worth it to have this be the first time for both of us.
    Maybe that’s why I did what I did when I booked the room. If my first time couldn’t be memorable than I could make damn sure hers is.
    Reaching the door, she turns to look at me and I slip her the room card, pulling my phone out and staring at it at the same time, wanting her to be the one to open the door and see what’s waiting.
    As she slides the key in and I hear the click and see the light, I also catch something else. Her fingers are shaking and the way it looks, knowing what we’re about to do now, it stops me cold.
    I know what she said when we were at the cemetery, but is she really as ready for this as she claims, or is this her believing that she needs to give me what I want again?
    She takes a step forward and I reach out to stop her. Sliding my phone back into my pants, the ruse I had planned the last thing on my mind, I turn her toward me and wait until she’s looking me dead in the face.
    “You’re shaking.”
    Her eyes lower and her cheeks flush, but she doesn’t look away completely. Instead, she stands completely still until whatever she’s experiencing passes, and looks me straight in the eye again.
    “I’m nervous.” She admits. “Aren’t you?”
    Truth is, I’ve been nervous the entire night, but right here in the moment, I’m the most secure I’ve ever been and I thought she was too. I want this with her. Not because it’s sex, but because when we’re finally together, I’m going to be able to give her something that no matter how hard I’ve tried over the last year, I just haven’t been able to give.
    All of me.
    “I don’t really do performance anxiety.”
    It’s a joke of course, not meant to be cocky and when she smiles at me, I release a very big sigh of relief. She knows how I can be, so her being able to tell the difference now means a ton. The last thing I am whenever we’re together is cocky.
    The truth is most of the time, Cadence scares the shit out of me.
    “So you’re not even a little nervous?”
    Don’t lie. Tell the girl the truth. Do not be a total dick right now.
    “Nervous is an understatement for what I am, but I’m trying not to focus on it. You shaking, though. Are you sure you want to do this?”
    She nods and leaning in close until her lips are barely brushing against mine, she smiles. “I love you, Dillon. I’m ready.”
    Not sure what possesses me to do it, but feeling insanely right the minute I do, I