Here Lies Bridget by Paige Harbison

us,” he said, and upon seeing my confused expression, he elaborated. “You, me, Michelle, Jillian and…” he hesitated for half an instant “…Anna.”

    9 0
    P A I G E H A R B I S O N
    I stiffened upon the reminder of Anna and let out a dramatic exclamation.
    I didn’t want to think about her. It felt like being sure you’d almost talked your way out of jail and then having the guard lock up and say good-night.
    “Right. Five of us.” I stood again, still unsteady. He took me by the waist and hooked an arm under my knees. After a brief moment of batting his arm away and failing, I leaned into his warm body and allowed him to pick me up, letting out a quiet “Okay, let’s go.”
    “Come on, cliché drunk girl, let’s get you to your bed.”
    I laughed, not thinking of anything except how nice it was to feel like us even for this brief moment. That feeling of us-ness had disappeared so quickly after we broke up. We had once been so close, and then all of a sudden it was…gone.
    And we had to pretend it never happened.
    I reveled in the feeling, pretending that we’d never split.
    When Liam deposited me onto my bed, I felt the smallest f licker of hope that he might stay with me. That maybe we’d stay up all night talking like we used to (back when I had something interesting to say), and go out to the field and watch the sky’s color change from night to dawn again.
    I felt sure I could set aside my exhaustion.
    “Liam…” I said, putting a hand on his forearm. I pulled on him, and he sat down next to me, his feet on the f loor, and turned so that he could see me.
    I couldn’t see his face. He was just a silhouette in the light that poured in from the hallway. “Yeah, B?”
    A chill ran through me as he called me that. He was the only one who ever called me that.
    “Do you ever miss me?”
    His shadowy figure shifted. “I do miss you.”
    I tightened my grip on his arm at the words, and then we 9 1
    were silent for a moment. He leaned over to me, and ran his fingers through my hair. I opened my mouth to say more, not knowing what I’d end up saying, but closed it when he stood.
    He pulled my shoes off and laid my blankets on top of me.
    Suddenly I was awake again. I wanted to cry. I wanted to beg him to stay with me.
    “You all right, Bridget?” he asked, stopping on his way to the door.
    All I could do was nod, feeling like a little girl.
    I felt sick. Though it seemed likely that it was from drinking too much, it felt more to do with Liam being here and my not being able to keep him. I wanted to tell him I could be me again, but why would he believe me? I didn’t know if I could be.
    Here I was, my mouth tasting like swill-soaked cotton, and even with my eyes shut it felt like the darkness was moving like the rollers on a slot machine. I wasn’t just sleepy. I was passing out. Suddenly I missed the innocence of those summer days when the most I had before bed was a Coke and the worst I had when waking up was a hard time deciding whether to go to the pool or Michelle’s house. Now I was just a fool of a girl who spent her time trying hard to be cool. Not the best.
    Not the smartest. Just…the most powerful.
    The thought shook me, and made me feel like I was growing up too soon. Not that tonight had been mature in any way at all.
    Tears built in my throat. I wanted to cry for the loss of him, the loss of myself and the loss of innocence.
    “’K.” I didn’t want him to see what I was feeling. I tried to sound in control of everything, but ended up over-pronouncing all of my words. “I’ll see you on Monday then.”
    “Monday,” he agreed. “You’ll be okay ’til then?”

    9 2
    P A I G E H A R B I S O N
    “I’m fine,” I lied. How could anyone believe me, the way I garbled it?
    But he did.
    Maybe he just wanted to.
    He left, and for the few minutes that I spent conscious, I imagined where he was going. I hoped against hope that he’d go straight home, without Anna. I pictured her