hours!"
Yeeee-haaah! I was so happy. I wanted to jump up and down. "Good," I said.
Mrs. Bruen gave me a sly smile. "Worried, weren't you?"
"Me? Naaah."
I was cool. She didn't suspect a thing.
When the party was over and all the guests had left, Dad said he wanted to open presents.
"Aren't you tired, Jack?" Carol asked.
"Never too tired for that," he answered.
That's just what I would have said.
Dad, Carol, Mrs. Bruen, Dawn, Kristy, Claudia, Mary Anne, and I all went inside. And guess what? Someone had put a Christmas tree in the living room! With lights and decorations and everything.
"Wow! Where did that come from?" I asked.
"Santa Claus," Kristy said.
"Yeah, right."
"If s lovely," Carol said.
Everybody oohed and aahed.
Dad sat on the couch. "Ohhhhhh, my feet," he said.
He put them up on a box on the coffee table.
"Careful!" Carol said. "If s fragile!"
"So are my feet," Dad replied. But he took them down anyway.
Carol opened the fragile box. Inside it was a set of shrunken coffee cups. At least that's how they looked to me.
"Ooh, demitasse," Carol said. "How beautiful."
I guess. Like, for a doll house.
Next, Dad opened a box and took out a bowl. Then Carol opened another box. It had a bowl, too. They opened four more boxes, and two of them had bowls.
"You could go bowling," Claudia said. (She's funny sometimes.)
Mrs. Bruen started picking up the empty boxes. "Sit. Relax," Dad told her. "The party's
over."
"I have to move them," she said. "The movers won't have any place to put Carol's furniture."
Yuck. I had forgotten about that.
Mary Anne was staring at this tall, narrow box. It said FRAGILE on the side, too. "What could this be?" she asked.
Carol opened it. She pulled out a shiny statue. It was a clown in a black-and-white polka dot costume. He looked like he was crying. A long electrical cord stuck out the back.
"I think it's a lamp," Claudia said.
Carol plugged it into the wall. She found two buttons on the side and pressed one.
The clown lit up from the inside. And his frown curved upward into a smile.
Then Carol pressed the other button, and the clown began singing an opera song.
Dad looked as if the clown were made of
buggers. "Turn that thing off!" he said.
Kristy quickly pressed the button.
Nobody said anything for a few seconds. Then Carol started laughing. "I'm sorry. . . . Sorry. Let's open another one."
"What? What do you think of it?" Dad asked with a funny smile.
Carol tried not to laugh, but it didn't work. "That is the ugliest gift I have ever seen!"
Everyone started laughing. Kristy was rolling on the floor. Claudia and Dawn looked as if they were holding each other up. Mary Anne's eyes were watering. Even Mrs. Bruen was laughing.
Dad's shoulders were bouncing up and down. Then he calmed down and patted the clown on the head. "Maybe we should keep him."
"Aaaaugh!" Dawn screamed. "I will never ever visit you again if you do." She pulled the plug out. Then she ran to Mrs. Bruen's pile of throw-out boxes and tried to stuff the clown in.
"Go! Go! Go! Go!" Kristy called out.
Everybody joined in. Except me.
I thought the gift was kind of cool.
Dad and Carol kept opening. Most of the other stuff was, like, kitchen things. And a few more bowls. Zzzzzz.
When they were down to the last few boxes, the phone rang. Dad went into the kitchen to get it.
I could hear him yelling. Everyone got nervous.
A long time later, he came back.
"It’s gone," he announced. "All of it."
"Whaaaat?" Carol said.
"The furniture?" Dawn ventured.
Dad nodded. "The van was stolen. They found it in a lot just off the freeway, halfway to San Diego. It was stripped and completely empty."
No one said a word. I looked at Mrs. Bruen. She looked at Carol.
Carol was totally still. Then she started laughing again.
"I — I'm not joking, sweetheart," Dad said.
"I know," Carol answered. "But... but it’s okay."
"It is?" Dad asked.
"I never liked that furniture in the first place!"
"Really?"
Yeeee-haaah! I was so happy. I wanted to jump up and down. "Good," I said.
Mrs. Bruen gave me a sly smile. "Worried, weren't you?"
"Me? Naaah."
I was cool. She didn't suspect a thing.
When the party was over and all the guests had left, Dad said he wanted to open presents.
"Aren't you tired, Jack?" Carol asked.
"Never too tired for that," he answered.
That's just what I would have said.
Dad, Carol, Mrs. Bruen, Dawn, Kristy, Claudia, Mary Anne, and I all went inside. And guess what? Someone had put a Christmas tree in the living room! With lights and decorations and everything.
"Wow! Where did that come from?" I asked.
"Santa Claus," Kristy said.
"Yeah, right."
"If s lovely," Carol said.
Everybody oohed and aahed.
Dad sat on the couch. "Ohhhhhh, my feet," he said.
He put them up on a box on the coffee table.
"Careful!" Carol said. "If s fragile!"
"So are my feet," Dad replied. But he took them down anyway.
Carol opened the fragile box. Inside it was a set of shrunken coffee cups. At least that's how they looked to me.
"Ooh, demitasse," Carol said. "How beautiful."
I guess. Like, for a doll house.
Next, Dad opened a box and took out a bowl. Then Carol opened another box. It had a bowl, too. They opened four more boxes, and two of them had bowls.
"You could go bowling," Claudia said. (She's funny sometimes.)
Mrs. Bruen started picking up the empty boxes. "Sit. Relax," Dad told her. "The party's
over."
"I have to move them," she said. "The movers won't have any place to put Carol's furniture."
Yuck. I had forgotten about that.
Mary Anne was staring at this tall, narrow box. It said FRAGILE on the side, too. "What could this be?" she asked.
Carol opened it. She pulled out a shiny statue. It was a clown in a black-and-white polka dot costume. He looked like he was crying. A long electrical cord stuck out the back.
"I think it's a lamp," Claudia said.
Carol plugged it into the wall. She found two buttons on the side and pressed one.
The clown lit up from the inside. And his frown curved upward into a smile.
Then Carol pressed the other button, and the clown began singing an opera song.
Dad looked as if the clown were made of
buggers. "Turn that thing off!" he said.
Kristy quickly pressed the button.
Nobody said anything for a few seconds. Then Carol started laughing. "I'm sorry. . . . Sorry. Let's open another one."
"What? What do you think of it?" Dad asked with a funny smile.
Carol tried not to laugh, but it didn't work. "That is the ugliest gift I have ever seen!"
Everyone started laughing. Kristy was rolling on the floor. Claudia and Dawn looked as if they were holding each other up. Mary Anne's eyes were watering. Even Mrs. Bruen was laughing.
Dad's shoulders were bouncing up and down. Then he calmed down and patted the clown on the head. "Maybe we should keep him."
"Aaaaugh!" Dawn screamed. "I will never ever visit you again if you do." She pulled the plug out. Then she ran to Mrs. Bruen's pile of throw-out boxes and tried to stuff the clown in.
"Go! Go! Go! Go!" Kristy called out.
Everybody joined in. Except me.
I thought the gift was kind of cool.
Dad and Carol kept opening. Most of the other stuff was, like, kitchen things. And a few more bowls. Zzzzzz.
When they were down to the last few boxes, the phone rang. Dad went into the kitchen to get it.
I could hear him yelling. Everyone got nervous.
A long time later, he came back.
"It’s gone," he announced. "All of it."
"Whaaaat?" Carol said.
"The furniture?" Dawn ventured.
Dad nodded. "The van was stolen. They found it in a lot just off the freeway, halfway to San Diego. It was stripped and completely empty."
No one said a word. I looked at Mrs. Bruen. She looked at Carol.
Carol was totally still. Then she started laughing again.
"I — I'm not joking, sweetheart," Dad said.
"I know," Carol answered. "But... but it’s okay."
"It is?" Dad asked.
"I never liked that furniture in the first place!"
"Really?"
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