wait and have this conversation after we know for sure.”
Lex just nodded, motioning to the server for our check.
“Can you just drop me off at my apartment?” I asked as we got into his car. I’d already agreed to go back to his house with him, but I was no longer in the mood for company. I needed to be alone. I needed to think.
“Sure,” Lex replied, studying me for a moment before starting the car and heading into town.
I kissed him goodbye, though the embrace was less passionate than any others up to that point. I then wondered up to my apartment alone.
For a few long moments, I stared at the half-full bottle of wine on my counter. I hadn’t had a drink since the night of our indiscretion. Even though I hadn’t been planning to keep a child if there was one, drinking when there was possibility of a pregnancy just felt wrong.
Instead, I went to the freezer and pulled out an unopened pint of Ben & Jerry’s. I had barely touched my dinner at the restaurant and now I realized that I was actually quite hungry.
Wrapping myself in my grandmother’s quilt—as was my habit of late—I savored each bite of ice cream as I thought about Lex’s point.
I could see why he might want a child. I knew his mother had died on the operating table and his father had passed away a few years ago. He had one sister, which he barely saw, so the idea of building a family was understandable.
Still, Lex knew nothing about raising a child. I may seem like a great idea to him, but I would be the one required to sacrifice in order to make that happen. I would have to carry the baby for nine months. Working twelve-hour shifts in the ER when I was eight months pregnant seemed like an impossibility. But even if I did work up to the birth, I would have to stay home with the baby at least until it was old enough for daycare. Starting a family just wasn’t an option for me right now and I just didn’t understand why Lex couldn’t see that.
And yet, much like the traitorous part of my brain that refused to stop lusting after Lex before we were together, there was a part of me that could imagine having a little baby with beautiful pale eyes. I could see Lex with the infant tucked ever so gently against his muscular shoulder as it slept peacefully in his arms.
“No,” I said out loud. “That can’t happen. At least not any time soon.”
Still, I feel asleep to the thought of a tiny little bundle of joy with my beautiful caramel skin and his bright grey eyes.
Chapter 17
D espite this being my third time in the doctor’s office in barely a month, the visits had not gotten any easier with each trip. At least this time they didn’t require me to have any blood drawn. I simply peed in a cup, then tried to read an article on my phone while I waited for the results of my test. However, I soon found that I couldn’t focus on anything. My mind kept wondering back to Lex and our relationship.
I had dated my ex-boyfriend Scott for almost four years. We’d met during my senior year at undergrad, and had fallen madly in love almost overnight. I’d chosen to attend medical school in Chicago because it had been the one closest to where he’d found a job, even though I’d been accepted to better schools on the East Coast. I had sacrificed so much for that relationship, believing that Scott was the one . Then, when the relationship was no longer convenient for him, Scott had dumped me. He didn’t like that I was putting my studies before him. He didn’t like that I’d allowed myself to gain some weight during med school. He just didn’t like me, I was beginning to realize. He wanted me to sacrifice everything I strove so hard to achieve, and I’d almost let him. I had a sneaking suspicion Scott was intimidated by how smart I was. He wasn’t dumb himself, but the thought definitely weighted heavily on his mind. But now, with Lex, I could tell he actually admired me—my intelligence, my ambition, my fearlessness. Scott was a complete
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