Hell Hounds Are for Suckers

Hell Hounds Are for Suckers by Jessica McBrayer Page A

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Authors: Jessica McBrayer
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worried me. Since then my dark mood deepened. I felt restless and unsettled.
    As I walked analyzing my life I heard a low growling. The fog can distort sound, even my supernatural bat-like hearing was confused. I wasn’t sure where it is coming from. When my vampire hearing kicked in, I was sure I could track it down. My adrenaline spiked and the hunt excited me. The growling got louder near the Gothic Chapel and I pulled up my thigh high stockings and stomped down my combat boots, getting ready to kick some ass.
      I edged around the chapel searching for the source. Moving the creeping ivy and brushing past the flowers I rubbed up against the cold façade of the building. The fog cleared and the moon shone down on the small, furry black package making all the noise.
      “Hey little guy, I’m Hannah. What’s your name?” I cooed searching for a collar.
      Before I could touch the puppy, it leapt into my arms and started licking my face. It turned back towards the headstones and let out a blood-curdling growl. Much louder than anything its size should have been able to make — but then what did I know about dogs. Gah! Dog drool all over my face. I scrambled to put the dog down confirming he didn’t have a collar or anything to identify his owner. I couldn’t hear anything in the vicinity that would make him nervous so I wiped off the offending saliva. He whimpered as soon as his huge feet hit the ground.
      “Sorry guy, but I’m just not that into dogs.”
      He sat there panting, unimpressed with my vampire scariness, and let more drool drip to the ground. Long canines and a lolling tongue. His eyes were sharp and followed every move I made. When I turned to walk away he followed me.
      “You stay there, boy. Shoo. Good doggy.”
      He panted and trotted after me. I could tell he had no intention of staying put as he shadowed me back to my vintage Volkswagen beetle. When I opened my door he jumped inside before I could stop him.
      “Okay fur ball, out! Get out of the car! You’re sliming all over the faux-leather interior!” I could afford real leather, but hey, I’m green.
      He didn’t move. An inch. He sat there in the passenger seat and looked at me. With the overhead light on I could see those big puppy dog eyes he flashed me were a brilliant green. I made to grab for him but he wiggled out of my grasp. He thought dodging me was a game. After several minutes of using vampire speed and coming up empty handed, I finally gave up. I was too disgusted about the drool flung all over my seats to care.
      “I suppose you expect me to feed you? Just don’t get any wise ideas that if I do, it means I’ll keep you.”
    And with that comment hanging in the air, I rolled down his window so he could hang his muzzle out and we cruised down through Oakland to Berkeley onto Telegraph Avenue and Ashby to a chain pet store that was still open.

CHAPTER 2

      Fur ball and I strolled into the store. The night clerk started to give me a hard time about the woofmeister not being on a leash but I flicked a little glamour his way and we were good to go. I browsed.
      “What do you like to eat, fur ball? You’re still a puppy so it says here that you should have the baby food.” He gave me a soft yip so I figured I was on the right track.  I picked up a large bag and walked down the treat aisle.
      I never imagined there could be so many choices. Pig ears, cow femurs, liver treats, dental chews, organic treats, just to name a few. I grabbed several and made my way to the toys. I knew from a friend that if I didn’t have something for him to chew on, my combat boots would be in danger. I let him pick out his own toys and he chose four, surprising me with a realistic stuffed bunny rabbit that squeaked. He decided to carry that one while we went to the collar and leash aisle. I picked a green collar to match his eyes. One hundred and seventeen dollars later and I had myself a dog. Until I could find a home for

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