asked if he'd seen Manny. I couldn't help myself. Benjamin said last he heard, Manny was trying to get
transferred to a different team.
Selling his house wasn't enough for him. It seems he can't stand to live in the same state as me.
March 30, 1966 Mary Elizabeth is pregnant. We're going to have a kid. I… this is a miracle. We haven't had sex in months. I
never thought I'd be a father.
I'm going to be a little person's Daddy!
I'm terrified.
April 23, 1966
I was nominated for an Academy Award this year.
I've been dreaming of this moment my entire life. I studied, rehearsed and worked for it until I was exhausted.
I won. That coveted gold statue is mine.
It means absolutely nothing to me.
July 6, 1966
I received a telephone call from Helen today. She's worried about me after a conversation she had with Mary
Elizabeth. My pregnant wife is upset because I've become a hermit. She told Helen I don't go to parties, I don't host
any parties, we don't go out often enough and we don't invite people over.
I said we should be getting ready for the baby's arrival. We need to be responsible about money, as there are no
guarantees I'll be making movies for years to come. Hollywood is the kingdom of whims. The same people that love
you today could hate you tomorrow. I need to make sure my family is provided for.
Also, I'm not in the mood for parties. These days I only manage to smile when there's a paycheck involved.
Helen wanted to know if I have recovered from my ill-fated affair. She wonders if she didn't make a mistake by
agreeing with Benjamin in that I could never let the world know about Manny and I.
I didn't answer. It was never ill fated between me and Manny. I killed it myself. But that's something I don't
discuss with anyone. The events are still too recent… too tender. I fear I might crumble and never be able to get up
again if I so much as mention his name. And what does it matter if she made a mistake or not? I know I did, but it's too late to rectify.
August 12, 1966
I went to see Manny play today. I know he doesn't want to see me, but he can't stop me if he doesn't know I'm
around. I wore casual attire and made sure to stay away from my usual seat. Nobody noticed me.
He looked fantastic. I couldn't see his face from where I was, but I didn't need to. I know by memory the shape of
his eyes; the slight bump on his nose; the tilt of his mouth. I know every expression line that forms around his eyes
and mouth when he laughs… and when he hurts.
To be able to sit amongst strangers and look at him without raising any brows was exactly what I needed to feel
alive again. For nine months I restrained myself. I managed to respect his decision of not wanting to see me again, but
I can only be so strong… I just needed to see him…
August 23, 1966
Benjamin is out of town. He didn't tell me where he's going and I didn't need to ask. At this time of the year,
there's only one place where he would go. I'm doing everything I can not to think about the possible guest list.
Mary Elizabeth hates me. She's gained weight with the pregnancy and can't go out with her friends anymore. I
don't understand why she complains so much. I can see how uncomfortable she is in such a late stage of her pregnancy,
but shouldn't she be enjoying this? God knows that watching my child grown inside her belly is the only good thing in
my life. She should be happy too.
September 8, 1966
I'm a father! Richard Lewis Bancroft, the Third, was born today. He is perfect. He has all his little toes and
fingers and the cutest button nose. His hair is dark, like his mother's, but I think his eyes are blue like mine. I love
him so much already. There's nothing I wouldn't do for him. December 24, 1966
I drove by Manny's house tonight. He moved out a long time ago, but it's the only connection still have with him. I
parked across the street and took my bottle of gin out so that I could have a drink with him. We ended up having
five.
I wished him a Merry Christmas. He
transferred to a different team.
Selling his house wasn't enough for him. It seems he can't stand to live in the same state as me.
March 30, 1966 Mary Elizabeth is pregnant. We're going to have a kid. I… this is a miracle. We haven't had sex in months. I
never thought I'd be a father.
I'm going to be a little person's Daddy!
I'm terrified.
April 23, 1966
I was nominated for an Academy Award this year.
I've been dreaming of this moment my entire life. I studied, rehearsed and worked for it until I was exhausted.
I won. That coveted gold statue is mine.
It means absolutely nothing to me.
July 6, 1966
I received a telephone call from Helen today. She's worried about me after a conversation she had with Mary
Elizabeth. My pregnant wife is upset because I've become a hermit. She told Helen I don't go to parties, I don't host
any parties, we don't go out often enough and we don't invite people over.
I said we should be getting ready for the baby's arrival. We need to be responsible about money, as there are no
guarantees I'll be making movies for years to come. Hollywood is the kingdom of whims. The same people that love
you today could hate you tomorrow. I need to make sure my family is provided for.
Also, I'm not in the mood for parties. These days I only manage to smile when there's a paycheck involved.
Helen wanted to know if I have recovered from my ill-fated affair. She wonders if she didn't make a mistake by
agreeing with Benjamin in that I could never let the world know about Manny and I.
I didn't answer. It was never ill fated between me and Manny. I killed it myself. But that's something I don't
discuss with anyone. The events are still too recent… too tender. I fear I might crumble and never be able to get up
again if I so much as mention his name. And what does it matter if she made a mistake or not? I know I did, but it's too late to rectify.
August 12, 1966
I went to see Manny play today. I know he doesn't want to see me, but he can't stop me if he doesn't know I'm
around. I wore casual attire and made sure to stay away from my usual seat. Nobody noticed me.
He looked fantastic. I couldn't see his face from where I was, but I didn't need to. I know by memory the shape of
his eyes; the slight bump on his nose; the tilt of his mouth. I know every expression line that forms around his eyes
and mouth when he laughs… and when he hurts.
To be able to sit amongst strangers and look at him without raising any brows was exactly what I needed to feel
alive again. For nine months I restrained myself. I managed to respect his decision of not wanting to see me again, but
I can only be so strong… I just needed to see him…
August 23, 1966
Benjamin is out of town. He didn't tell me where he's going and I didn't need to ask. At this time of the year,
there's only one place where he would go. I'm doing everything I can not to think about the possible guest list.
Mary Elizabeth hates me. She's gained weight with the pregnancy and can't go out with her friends anymore. I
don't understand why she complains so much. I can see how uncomfortable she is in such a late stage of her pregnancy,
but shouldn't she be enjoying this? God knows that watching my child grown inside her belly is the only good thing in
my life. She should be happy too.
September 8, 1966
I'm a father! Richard Lewis Bancroft, the Third, was born today. He is perfect. He has all his little toes and
fingers and the cutest button nose. His hair is dark, like his mother's, but I think his eyes are blue like mine. I love
him so much already. There's nothing I wouldn't do for him. December 24, 1966
I drove by Manny's house tonight. He moved out a long time ago, but it's the only connection still have with him. I
parked across the street and took my bottle of gin out so that I could have a drink with him. We ended up having
five.
I wished him a Merry Christmas. He
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