up with fear and suspicion. "You don't know what people are like or what is in their hearts even when they are smiling with friendly faces. Again yesterday there was an anonymous letter," he said, lowering his voice.
"Against you?"
He would not say. He walked beside me in brooding silence. I hate to see him like that, with all the brightness of his nature obscured by dark suspicions.
2 May. Where I advised psychiatry, Maji - the holy woman and friend - has advised pilgrimage. Inder Lal's mother and Ritu are to leave in a few days time: best of all, Chid is going with them! Maji has persuaded him to do so; I almost feel she did it for my sake - not that I ever complained to her about Chid, but she seems to know most things by herself.
She told me yesterday when I had gone to pay her a visit.
At first we sat inside her hut, but it got so stifling in there that we crawled out again, even though the hot wind was still blowing. The dust swirled around the royal tombs and sat in a pall over the lake. Chid was with us too. He often visits Maji - he says he derives great benefit from her presence. They make a strange couple together. Maji is a very earthy looking peasant woman; she is quite fat and always jolly. Whenever she looks at Chid, she gives a shout of laughter; "Good boy!" she cries - in English, perhaps her only two words in it. He does look like a good boy when he is with her sitting very straight in his meditation pose and a spiritual if rather strained look on his face.
Maji explained to me about pilgrimages. She said "If someone is very unhappy and disturbed in their minds, or if they have some great wish to be fulfilled, or a terrible longing inside them, then they go. It is a long long journey, high up in the Himalayas. Very beautiful and holy. When she comes back, "she said about Ritu, "her heart will be at ease."
She patted my knee - she likes touching people - and asked "Would you like to go?" She pointed at Chid: "Oh how he will love it, this good boy!" She laughed loudly, then took his cheeks between her hands and squeezed them lovingly.
"Are you, going?" I asked him, but he shut his eyes and murmured" Om.”
Maji said "All sorts of people go from all over India. They travel for weeks and months away from their homes in order to reach there. On the way they stop at temple rest-houses, and when they come to a river they bathe in it. They travel very slowly and if they like a place they stay there for a while and take their rest. At last they reach the mountains and begin to climb up. What shall I say of that place, those mountains!" cried Maji. "Yes it is climbing up into heaven. There is cool air and breezes, clouds, birds, and trees. Then there is only snow, everything is white and the sun also is shining white. Having bathed in the icy stream, they draw near the cave at last. Many faint and fall down with joy and none can restrain himself, they call out the Name at the top of their voices. Jai Shiva Shankar! " she called out at the top of her voice.
"Jai Shiva Shankar!" Chid echoed at the top of his.
"Good boy! Good boy!" she cried and encouraged him to repeat it in chorus with her. It really sounded as if it were echoing through those snowy mountains she had mentioned, and I must say, sitting here in the dust storm under the yellow sky, I too would have liked to be up there.
1923
Mrs. Crawford and Mrs. Minnies had left for Simla.
Although Douglas had done his best to persuade Olivia to accompany them, now that she had decided to stay he was very grateful and happy. They spent lovely evenings and nights together. Olivia tried to be lively and gay for him. She understood that, once Douglas was home, he just wanted to be home, with her, in their tasteful English bungalow, leaving outside all the heat and problems he had to contend with the whole day long. So she never touched on any subject that might cast even the faintest shadow on him - like, for instance, that of the Nawab - but chattered
"Against you?"
He would not say. He walked beside me in brooding silence. I hate to see him like that, with all the brightness of his nature obscured by dark suspicions.
2 May. Where I advised psychiatry, Maji - the holy woman and friend - has advised pilgrimage. Inder Lal's mother and Ritu are to leave in a few days time: best of all, Chid is going with them! Maji has persuaded him to do so; I almost feel she did it for my sake - not that I ever complained to her about Chid, but she seems to know most things by herself.
She told me yesterday when I had gone to pay her a visit.
At first we sat inside her hut, but it got so stifling in there that we crawled out again, even though the hot wind was still blowing. The dust swirled around the royal tombs and sat in a pall over the lake. Chid was with us too. He often visits Maji - he says he derives great benefit from her presence. They make a strange couple together. Maji is a very earthy looking peasant woman; she is quite fat and always jolly. Whenever she looks at Chid, she gives a shout of laughter; "Good boy!" she cries - in English, perhaps her only two words in it. He does look like a good boy when he is with her sitting very straight in his meditation pose and a spiritual if rather strained look on his face.
Maji explained to me about pilgrimages. She said "If someone is very unhappy and disturbed in their minds, or if they have some great wish to be fulfilled, or a terrible longing inside them, then they go. It is a long long journey, high up in the Himalayas. Very beautiful and holy. When she comes back, "she said about Ritu, "her heart will be at ease."
She patted my knee - she likes touching people - and asked "Would you like to go?" She pointed at Chid: "Oh how he will love it, this good boy!" She laughed loudly, then took his cheeks between her hands and squeezed them lovingly.
"Are you, going?" I asked him, but he shut his eyes and murmured" Om.”
Maji said "All sorts of people go from all over India. They travel for weeks and months away from their homes in order to reach there. On the way they stop at temple rest-houses, and when they come to a river they bathe in it. They travel very slowly and if they like a place they stay there for a while and take their rest. At last they reach the mountains and begin to climb up. What shall I say of that place, those mountains!" cried Maji. "Yes it is climbing up into heaven. There is cool air and breezes, clouds, birds, and trees. Then there is only snow, everything is white and the sun also is shining white. Having bathed in the icy stream, they draw near the cave at last. Many faint and fall down with joy and none can restrain himself, they call out the Name at the top of their voices. Jai Shiva Shankar! " she called out at the top of her voice.
"Jai Shiva Shankar!" Chid echoed at the top of his.
"Good boy! Good boy!" she cried and encouraged him to repeat it in chorus with her. It really sounded as if it were echoing through those snowy mountains she had mentioned, and I must say, sitting here in the dust storm under the yellow sky, I too would have liked to be up there.
1923
Mrs. Crawford and Mrs. Minnies had left for Simla.
Although Douglas had done his best to persuade Olivia to accompany them, now that she had decided to stay he was very grateful and happy. They spent lovely evenings and nights together. Olivia tried to be lively and gay for him. She understood that, once Douglas was home, he just wanted to be home, with her, in their tasteful English bungalow, leaving outside all the heat and problems he had to contend with the whole day long. So she never touched on any subject that might cast even the faintest shadow on him - like, for instance, that of the Nawab - but chattered
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